The Story of a Professor, a Laptop, and royally screwed Student

Check out this video.

I’m trying to decide who the Professor most reminds me of, Jack Bauer, Gil Grissom, or The Sicilian.

All I can say with certainty is that my butthole puckered as I listened to this, and I didn’t steal no laptop!

I guess I better give it back :eek:

I LOVE IT! What a way to scare the bejeezus out of the culprit!

I wonder though - I think the prof is exagerating the legal consequences concerning the contents. Seems to me that the FBI, SEC, CIA, etc. consequences would only apply if it could be shown that the culprit actually copied or made use of the ultra-superduper-mega-top-secret Good Stuff contrary to the law, and the authorities would have to demonstrate that fact.

One must wonder, if the professor was given charge of such important valuable data, could he not have invested in a lock for the damned thing?

(Still love the video.)

“Transponder”? I could be wrong, but I think this professor is absolutely full of shit. However, even if he is, that is one awesome bluff.


Not to mention that the Prof would probably be liable for something since he essentially left this info unsecured. Still, damn cool.

While I love the potential reaming the perpetrator is (theoretically) about to get, one thing bothers me-

The professor had all this sensitive data on a LAPTOP?! Dude, that’s just asking for trouble.

I’d have blurted this fact out if I’d have been in that class. Two things though:

  1. I never went to class.

  2. Professors hated me.

Transponder. Teehee.

Proves nothing. That can merely be the fact the professor doesn’t know the technical name for what he’s referring to – something I see all the time.

I do know that he’s essentially correct about the SEC. If you have relevant nonpublic information about an IPO that you are not entitled to, you can bet that they are going to be very interested in talking to you. And if they find that information got out, you are looking at jail time (ask Martha Stewart about SEC regulations).

Unless LoJack has branched out into laptops, it’s just a fancy word for the wireless adapter.

The “folks in Redmond” are Microsoft. He has a license for Windows, which he installed and registered from his laptop, which transaction Microsoft logged. He installed it on a new PC and tried to re-register it from there, and Microsoft’s system flagged this. I’d be surprised if this doesn’t happen a couple hundred times a day, given the number PCs with some flavor of Windows installed.

I agree that he’s exaggerating the potential consequences, and probably the value of the data, a bit. If the data were as sensitive as he suggests in the video, I doubt that he would be making a public announcement to that effect.

The value of the NIH work is irrelevant. Likewise the information about the upcoming IPO.

The professor looks like he’s a good bit older than me, which means he’s been in the business of shaking up youngsters for a while now. You have to be, in order to get through to the students who don’t want to be in your class and don’t take their job (learning) seriously. Most of my college profs (and many of my high school teachers as well) were very, very good at convincing us that if we messed up, we were going straight to hell, prison, and “want fries with that?” faster than you could say “Boo.”

The professor? If he doesn’t have a good backup, he is, without a doubt, as profoundly screwed as can be.

I wonder if you can fit a laptop into a wood chipper?

That’s (one of) the parts that doesn’t make a lot of sense. As big and bad as MS is, this does not happen the way the prof said it does. Trust me, I know, I’ve done it before. Back in my youth, I installed a pirate copy on XP on my new PC. It was a copy I got from a file sharing service, a copy that hundreds if not thousands of people had, all with the same CD key. MS knew this CD had leaked and was bad, yet for years anyone could install XP and use it and even get on the internet with no repurcussions.

Eventually, they got wiser and now have Windows Genuine Advantage, where every install of Windows has to get the CD key verified. Well, the thing is, even if you verify a CD key that has already been verified, it usually doesn’t care so long as it’s been a few months since the first verification. It just assumes you re-formated or something and lets yo go and do it.

I believe they only care if you act on it, or if they believe you intended to act on it. Martha allegedly profited from knowledge she (or her advisor) wasn’t supposed to have. Merely knowing this information isn’t enough - if it were, the jails would be full of spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends of business owners, corporate officers, etc.

If the thief is caught and tried, this might be used to increase the severity of any charges and the resulting penalties, but that’s not a given.

I love that video. Gives me a laugh every time. Not because of the threats, but because of the technical problems on what he is saying. Plus if it really had classified material on it he wouldn’t be standing in front of class talking about it. He would be with “The Feds” trying to prove to them he wasn’t at fault.


Same here. From the crap about Windows phoning home, to the “I’m the only one who can tell if the files weren’t copied.” Plus, the professor is admitting to software piracy.

It’s a bluff, but a good one. Windows doesn’t continuously “signal” its serial key to Microsoft across networks unless you’re specifically asking Microsoft to verify updatability or register the unit. You might be able to track a specific wireless notebook if the network admin software could ID not only the unit being logged on, but what access points it was using, but my wireless network-fu is not nearly good enough to know if this can be done.

What gets me too is him saying “I uploaded a type of windows on to it…” uh, why would someone upload a new operating system?

Still, wonderful bluff. I hope the student is dumb enough to believe it and is pissing his pants in fright.

Better yet, I hope he’s smart enough to see through the BS and wipe the damned thing clean.

I know I saw this some months ago, but I can’t seem to find where. Is this terribly familiar to anyone else?