…Italian restaurant where they both ordered Sausage Stromboli. Of course, they paid with 77R.
The maitre d’ saw 77R in the till and took it, ireplacing it with two 5s and a 10. The following day he was at…
his mother-in-law’s house for the weekly family bridge game and drunken brawl. Things got a little out of hand this week, however. The cops were called by the neighbors and several family members were arrested for drunk and disordely and excessive bridge trumping. As Rorschach’s wife was one of the arrested, he had to post bail for her. He paid the five hundred bucks bail with twenty-five twenty dollar bills which did not include 77R. After he bailed her out, Rorschach took her to their favorite bar, The Stab and Shoot for a drink and the all you can eat pickled egg buffet. He paid the bar tab with 77R and several other bills. Poor 77R once again ended up in the till at a bar until…
…it was given as change to Gary Roston, who stopped by for a shot and a beer on his way to the hospital, and paid for it with a $50 bill. Roston, a tax accountant who had a preliminary diagnosis of diverticulitis from his family doctor, was scheduled for a barium enema later that afternoon. The doctor’s assistant had told him he could only have clear liquids for 24 hours before the enema, and having heard from some friends what an unpleasant procedure it was, Roston decided he needed a little hair of the dog, even though he wasn’t sure if alcohol were permitted. Still, a beer and a shot are clear, after all, he reassured himself.
Roston slammed down the drinks and headed for the door, 77R in his wallet. Within the hour…
he was puking his guts out from the effects of the alcohol and the barium enema. Gary was finally able to quit heaving up and the nurse called his wife to come pick him up as he was in no shape to drive. His wife was really concerned as to why the barium enema had such an effect on him, but Gary just told her he’d be fine after he had a shot and a beer and a pickled egg from his favorite bar, The Drink 'Til You Drop Inn. Now, Agnes, Gary’s wife didn’t much like that place because the owner or the Drink 'Til You Drop was none other than Anna Jo Buttwart, her high school rival. However, she took Gary there nonetheless. She greeted Anna Jo with an air kiss and ordered herself a Pink Squirrel with a Jack back while Gary has his shot and a beer and pickled egg. After puking his guts out once again, Gary paid Anna Jo for the drinks and pickled egg with 77R. Anna Jo, remembering she had an appointment for a manicure stuffed 77R and another twenty in her bra, and went to her appointment. She paid for the manicure with 77R and the other twenty. From there 77R…
…went to the city office where the hairdresser proprietor paid her business license fee. The bill stayed in the till until it was removed to make change for a visiting physician named Dr. Laura Clouse, who was paying a speeding ticket (this was a rather small town). Dr. Clouse traveled to California, stopping at a Kaiser Permanente in the Stockton area. She paid for lunch in the hospital cafeteria, but not with 77R. Later that day at the hospital, she…
stopped at the gift shop where she finally used 77R to buy a box of Russell Stover chocolates as a birthday gift for her Aunt Bev and the latest issue of the Atlantic Monthly. 77R remained in the till of the Stockton Kaiser Permanente Gift Shop’s register until …
it was given as change to Sam Weissberg, a businessman who bought some roses for his wife after getting his yearly physical. Sam and Elaine had had some ups and downs in their marriage, especially recently after Elaine confessed to an affair with a hated coworker of Sam three months earlier, but he had mostly forgiven her. Now he was always looking for ways to show how much she still meant to him. Elaine was so touched by the flowers that she burst into tears when she saw them. She kissed him, took his hand, led him into the bedroom and showed him just how appreciative she was. It took quite awhile, but Sam wasn’t complaining. Eventually they both fell asleep with blissful smiles.
The next morning Sam, yawning, stopped by the Quickie Mart on Stockton’s main drag, and used 77R to pay for…
a large cup of coffee and a carton of milk. However, 77R did not remain long in the 7-11’s till since it was immediately given as change to the next customer, Eddie Clipton, who had just purchased a full tank of gas with a $100 bill. Eddie immediately put 77R in his wallet and went out to his car. He was now gassed up for a road trip to…
Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico. Eddie was a huge Bob Barker groupie and had always dreamed of visiting the town that named itself for his all time favorite Bob Barker game show. As is obvious, Eddie did not have much of a life. Eddie drove straight through to TOC only stopping at rest areas along the way to relieve himself, get a snack and cruise the men’s rooms. Eddie was not a believer in credit cards, so he paid cash for his two night stay at the local motel with 77R and four other twenty dollar bills. The clerk at the motel dutifully put 77R in the safe where it stayed until the owner one Pilar Ashtamonte…
…Tuktoyaktuk! Of course, there was the minor issue that Tuktoyaktuk was only reachable via an ice road during the winter. But it would be winter by the time he got there. He had to make a few stops on the way.
Mr. Clipton peeled out of the parking lot, narrowly missing a pre-release Mahindra pickup driven by an alienated test engineer from Mumbai, and headed for Truth or Consequences, New Mexico…
…and the next morning at the motel in New Mexico, the morning after Clipton’s long drive, Pilar Ashtamonte took 77R from the safe, bundled it with the rest of the night’s takings, and went to the bank to deposit it. On the way, however, there was a disturbance…
in the force that caused 77R to mysteriously disentangle from Pilar’s bundle of money and catching a swift breeze, floated upward and upward, finally descending back down to earth in the front yard of one Hollingsworth J. Pockmark who scooped up 77R, taking it to be an omen of…
…good times to come. Hollongsworth was the kind of guy who would be glad when he found rollerskates just his size after his car broke down on a desert highway. He believed that the universe was a just place, with sorrows and joys in equal size. He had no sense of proportion, however, and rarely kept track of things for the long term.
He has just lost his wife’s heirloom wedding ring down a storm drain. He grabbed 77R. “Honey! We can get you a new wedding ring!”
“What? What did you do with the old one? You were taking it to be cleaned.”
“Oh! Er, I dropped it…” A faint sense of unease stole over Hollingsworth, and he hastily changed his story. “…and it got a bit scuffed. But it’s okay.” He held up 77R as proof as his wife, Jumentia, entered the room…
and said, “Why are you holding up a $20?”
“I just found it,” Hollingsworth replied feeling relieved that Jumentia had temporarily decided not to pursue her inquiry about the whereabouts of the ring.
“Really?”
“Yup, it was just lying on the front yard.”
"Can I take a look at it?
“Sure, I don’t see why not.”
Hollingsworth handed Jumentia 77R. She closely examined the bill and…
…noticed, among the various stains and markings, a face. And not just any face. It was the visage of her mentor, the joy of the airwaves, the television troubador, the Songstress of Hope… Exalted Ellen! She let out a squeal of joy and clutched the bill to her ample bosom. “Hol! Look at this! Ellen has appeared to us! Do you know what this means?”
"Um… we’re going on another road trip??
“Better! We’re going to Glendale!”
“Yes, we are–to San Francisco.”
“San Francisco–city of my dreams!” she said wistfully.
They took the trip to Baghdad-by-the-Bay. There, they went to an am-pm Mart and got a couple of Cokes. The 18-year-old clerk was a wheresgeorge maven, and the www.wheresgeorge.com stamp was still clearly visible on the bill.
He took the bill home and got onto the Internet to the wheresgeorge site. He keyed the full serial number of 77R and the site signaled “Hit” (meaning that the bill had previously been recorded on the site). The kid, named Artie Brown, was delighted to see this; but, just as he reacted, his mother Louise–a petite, bespectacled brunette who looked a lot like Velma of Scooby-Doo, walked into the room unnanounced, as she was wont to do.
Artie didn’t hear her as he muttered, “Where’s it been before?” He pulled up the map. “Hmm. All over the place!”
“What are you doing, dear?” said his mom fropm behind Artie’s chair. Artie jumped.
“Mom! Don’t startle me like that!” He turned and glared. “Knock before you come in!”
To which Louise replied, “I’ll knock when you start payin’ rent, young man!” “Now come here and sandpaper your poor mother’s bunions.” Artie hated doing that! After he finished sandpapering her bunions, he returned to wheres george and was astonished to find all the places 77R had been. Artie yearned to travel and vowed to go every place 77R had been. First, however, he needed something to eat. Figuring 77R deserved to continue its journey, he paid for his Taco Grande from the local taco stand with it. 77R went into the till at the taco stand where it stayed until…
it was given as change to Dr. Ellen Hess. The middle-aged, sad-eyed surgeon had come down late that morning with a craving for kimchi/haddock tacos that she could no longer resist, diet be damned. She wolfed down two and drained a can of Diet Mountain Dew before driving back to San Francisco Memorial Hospital, where she was already late for rounds. She quickly put her purse (with 77R) into her locker before meeting up with the imperious Dr. Frederick Carstairs, head of surgery, and his flock of white-coated bootlickers.
He frowned just a little as Dr. Hess came into view, and said…