Add your own clues, twists, denouements, characters, or whatever to this:
The park caretaker saw an odd lump on the sidewalk near the curb at the far end of the park. As he approached it turned out to be a dead body, of a young modestly-dressed man with blood trickling out the mouth, lying on the back.
He called 911.
When the police came, they noticed a sleek white sedan parked illegally at a bus-stop curb half a block away. The engine was not running but keys were in the ignition, which was set to ON. A battered attache case was found in the rear seat, containing $250,000 in $20 bills. An Amtrak ticket, a small book in Swedish, a damaged cell phone, and several nude photographs of a young woman were found in the glove compartment.
The homicide detectives’ report included an observation that…
the young man had clearly just had several piercings and tattoos, including a business card from “The Jade Dragon” tattoo parlor in Chicago [sub]ChiDopers! :D[/sub]. The recent piercings and bodywork completely belied his otherwise modest appearance.
Things were not what they seemed. Plus, the car…
had recentlybeen painted to it’s white color,so recently in fact the paint was still wet. The police were also puzzled as to why it had been painted with house paint.
Upon seaching the car they found…
a small, old-fashioned butter urn. But instead of butter, the urn was full of…
Upon seaching the car they found…
…A receipt, from a Home Depot in Pocatello, Idaho, for ten gallons of white glossy house paint and a paint sprayer.
…Two gas receipts from a gas station on Whidbey Island, Washington state.
…An AAA triptik for a trip from Spokane to Lodi, CA.
…An opened letter from Brenda Coil of Spokane to Mike Green of Fort Smith, Arkansas–which name matched the driver’s license (AR) and other ID’s found on the body; the postmark was four days before the finding of the body. (No connection had been established identifying Brenda as the woman in the nude photos.)
…An unopened can of Red Bull.
…Two untouched marijuana joints.
…A half-empty box of condoms.
What was baffling about the localized items was that the dead body was found in a park in Chillicothe, Ohio!
The captain of the detective division ordered further investigation and contacted the post office in Fort Smith. Among the items mailed to Mike’s address in the last few days were…
… of 12 safe deposit box keys. No clear markings on them as to which bank they were at. Also in the urn was 1/2 of note reading …meet me at…
…tonight…
…love Heloise…
Upon interogating the park caretaker…
Upon interrogating the park caretaker…
…admitted he had relatives named Coil on the West Coast and family members employed at several AAA offices in western states. He was duly fingerprinted but his prints did not appear on the body or the dead man’s effects, or on the car or anything found in it.
But instead of butter, the urn was full of…
sun-block, with a SPF factor of 30. The caretaker was swarthy so was not apparently connected with hit.
A reply came to the Chillicothe detectives from the police in Fort Smith, saying that…
…Mike Green had just moved to Chillicothe. Now the police were more stymied than ever…
Their lives were not made any easier when intrepid muckrakers from The Daily Fishwrapper learned that the two unsmoked reefers somehow disappeared during the investigation. One earnest lieutenant commented that some of the evidence “went up in smoke.”
Meanwhile Det. Sgt. Phillip Hammer is beginning to think he once saw the young girl at Three Hearts and Three Lions, a notorious …
malt shop and strip joint. known to give extra malt powder to their customers and strippers until the poor s.o.bs were hooked and then start charging high prices for it.
Hammer had noticed an extra strong malty smell about the dead man’s car but thought nothing of it until now.
Since Malty McMalton the owner of Three Hearts and Three Lions was known to be involved in other vices including …
the Chillicothe Tuesday Bingo racket, home brewed cider, and illegal tortoiseshell combs made from an endangered species only found in Lac Du Chillicothe.
The police knew they were dealing with the overboss of the Chillicothe “family” when this became clear to them.
None of the usual wild goose chase, carrot-and-stick tactics were going to be used with these operators - Miss Malty needed discipline. Hard, stiff, ramrod discipline!
His rod getting rammer, Det. Sgt. Hammer told his nominal partner, Sgt. Ima Wussie, that he was checking out a routine lead. Hammer fancied himself a man of the streets, a la Grimjack or Dirty Harry, and did not want his partner around when he interrogated Miss Malty. Had Wussie been a woman, Hammer quite possibly might have changed his mind.
The intreped investigator raced across town, blowing his siren just for the hell of it. While he cruised the streets of Chillicothe, he wondered if the evidence from Pocatello, Lodi and Ft. Smith meant anything serious, anything possibly involving a national crime ring and a promotion for solving the case. But then Hammer thought of Miss Malty – a crime boss as curvy as a mountain road, a woman who believed in tight dresses and loose morals – and decided: "The hell with clues. Bang it if it’s a woman; shoot it if it’s a man. "
On this note, he arrived at the Chillicothe Tuesday Bingo only to find an empty parking lot and flames shooting out of the building’s roof and upper windows. Hammer bravely threw open the door to find …
Hammer bravely threw open the door to find …
The place was vacant–no people, no furnishings, no nothing.
Only a small slip of paper wafted by as the detective opened the door. He read it:
Sept. 20
Dear Dana:
The Island County [WA] sheriffs are after us. I never filed for the fuel-pump renewal this year. And I own the only gas station on Whidbey Island…
Bob Preston
The detective made some calls, to the Island County Sheriff’s Office and the Washington State Attorney General. And he kept the gas receipts that were found in the car. So now Hammer was positive that…
. So now Hammer was positive that…
Somthing other than a small time murder was going on. He had stumbled on to something Big, his head was spinning possibly from all the clues or maybe from the open can of . . .
his head was spinning possibly from all the clues or maybe from the open can of . . .
Red Bull. Apparently whoever got to the reefers popped the Red Bull can open as well.
That evening, Hammer got a call from the Seattle office of the DEA. It seems the agency was searching for a drug-smuggling ring that was planting contraband in cars without the driver’s knowledge, and sneaking the stuff out once the car reached its destination. Hammer asked if the briefcase full of money found in the car was a clue. The DEA agent hadn’t heard about this and he contacted the DEA’s office in Toledo, which sent agents out to check out the money. The full briefcase was still in the Property Room at the Chillicothe Police Station, under lock and key. The agents examined the briefcase and the $250,000; one nodded triumphantly and announced to Hammer that…
the urn was filled with the man’s urine(it was a long trip). They found out that he had been driving for about two weeks without sleep. He fell out of the car(door was unlocked), the car kept going, but only for half a block, as it was running on fumes.so it shut itself off, which explains the key being on ON. Not a homocide, just a bizarre accident. Except for one vital clue which proves me wrong…
Except for one vital clue which proves me wrong…
…and that came from the office of the county coroner, a dedicated, skilled professional who had been doing this sort of thing for more than 27 years. Tests he ran on the blood, brain tissues, and digestive tract of the deceased Mike Smith indicated that…
**and digestive tract of the deceased Mike Smith indicated that…**He indeed wasn’t Mike Smith but an Imposter and the real Mike Smith is a hitman in trouble with the law going by the alias of John Hancock and this idiotic name wound up making him go back to Mike Smith when he realized that no one believed him, then he raped and murdered the daughter of the town mayor and…
…owing to an error (mine, of course) :o The name was given as Mike Smith. The dead man the caretaker found was Mike Green, from Fort Smith, Arkansas, originally.
However, the file sent to Chillicothe from the central criminal record repository in Little Rock showed that the deceased Mike Green did in fact have a long rapsheet for criminal convictions–reaching back to his preteen days–
and most of it was for drug violations.
“I think it all falls together now,” said Hammer to the Ohio DEA people.
“Very likely…we’ve been follwing some leads from Washington state.”
Fingerprints found on the damaged cell phone and the little book in Swedish, matched the name of Per Hansson, a notorious drug dealer in the Northwest. The DEA was elated and contacted Hammer.
“You think Hansson is the mastermind?” Hammer asked.
“No question. The car is registered to Washington National Online Services, S.A., a known front for Hansson. He had the car painted and the license plate changed but forgot to change the VIN plate.”
Further investigation by the FBI confirmed that…