LOL, you’re right, that is worse than Madden.
Though, not by much. 
I’m confining myself to baseball, because it’s the only sport I ever used to give a rat’s patootie about:
-
The Designated Hitter Experiment is not a success. Call it off, and go back to making people EARN the right to do the most fun thing you can do in a stadium – take a turn batting at a baseball.
-
Regular Season Inter-League play is a bad thing. Once again, it’s about EARNING something – the right to do something extraordinary, i.e., play a non-exhibition baseball game against a team from the other league.
-
The O’Malley family sold the Dodgers to the Prince of Darkness, himself. It just strikes me as weird that when the great Willie Mays tried to augment his baseball player’s pension by being a celebrity spokesman for a Las Vegas casino, then-Commissioner of Baseball Bowie Kuhn felt it was necessary for the good name of the game to bar him from any association with Major League Baseball; but when the freakin’ ANTICHRIST wants to actually OWN A WHOLE TEAM, it’s perfectly fine with everybody. And that’s why baseball is a sport I USED TO give a rat’s patootie about.
I have a beef with the hockey season, too.
It’s not year-round!
RickJay, sing it about Brian Williams. I swear he’s got pictures of some CBC bigwig sleeing with a goat or something… it’s the only explanation as to why he’s still working. You forgot to mention his complete obsession with meaningless stats. He has no real insight, so he’s one of the worst announcers out there for the “he’s batting .324 with runners in scoring position and 2 outs against a left handed pitcher on a day with an ‘r’ in it” bullshit. It’s a good thing I’ve had it up to here with baseball or else I’d have to suffer through his inane blather still.
Awww Max. You had to go and steal mine. So I’ll chime in with a big…Me Too. Gaaaa, you see these guys do nothing more spectacular than make a tackle & you’d think they just won the Super Bowl.
Jim Mandich, who does the color commentary on the radio for the Miami Dolphins, is particularly annoying in a Ron Santo “I’m a crazy homer” kind of way. However he did provide me with my favorite sports commentary blunder ever. A few years ago, when Marshall Faulk still was with the Colts, the Dolphins played the Colts on opening day. I assume Mandich was still rusty from the offseason because I heard him say this after a short two yard carry up the middle: “Faulk looked pretty weak taking that up the butt. (long pause) I mean gut.”
I was listening in the car with my Dad, and I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. I turned to my Dad and asked him, “did Mandich just say Faulk takes it up the butt”.
My Dad said, " I believe he did" and then started laughing uncontrollably.
Shortly after that my cellphone rang and it was one of my friends calling me to verify that he had heard the same thing.
The best part is, a local disc jockey who happens to hate Jim Mandich made a parody song about him and the chorus consists of the “up the butt” quote over and over.
Don Cherry.
The worst of all is back.
I noticed this past weekend – yes, yes, I know I’m slow, but this isn’t the center of my universe – that Jimmy Johnson is back as a ‘commentator’ and ‘prognosticator’ on one of the pre-game shows – I believe it is the one on FOX.
This slime-ridden snake, several years ago, when the Dolphins were having trouble during the last few years of the Marino era, did everything he could to get Don Shula fired as head coach so that he, Johnson, could have the job.
For some reason, he found the ear of Wayne Huizenga, the carpetbagger (or should I refer to him as a scalawag?) owner of the Dolphins, and bad-mouthed Shula into unemployment.
Then, after getting the job he prostituted himself to get, he refused to allow the best passer (Dan Marino) in football to throw any passes, so the team could develop ‘a running game’.
He himself became unemployed several years and several hundred million dollars of Huizenga’s money later, when the Dolphins fagged out under his ‘guidance’. And all the while, the gentlemanly Dan Marino never said a word about his pustule coach, and, indeed stuck up for him with reporters. What a contrast between these two men.
I should be astonished that Johnson is nervy enough to show his face in public, but perhaps money is tight down there in the Keys, and perhaps some other head coach is in trouble.
Arkansas beating Auburn.
[size]grumblegrumblegrumble[/size]
I was actually happy when I saw he was back, because I thought that meant that Cris Collinsworth was fired. And that would be somehting to celebrate.
Then I found out that Collinsworth is actually in the booth for the games, and of course, he does all the games that are played on the West Coast.
sigh Between him on Sundays and Madden on Mondays, it’s getting harder and harder to watch football.
Mmm…Heidi Klum.
Canada has Don Cherry and America has Dick Vitale. I think their presence brings balance to the Force or something like that.
Another beef–NBC: get with it already. Every single network except you puts the time and score on the screen at all times. (they say they don’t because they are afraid that if it’s a blowout, people will see the score and change the channel).
Count me in with all the John Madden bashers. I SO envy my dad and brother who live in Texas and can turn down the TV and turn on the radio whenever ol’ John is the game commentator for the Dallas game that week. The man is not HALF so clever as he thinks he is. I mean, how smart do you have to be to figure out that “if you get 11 yards every play, you’re gonna get a lot of first downs.”? What a STELLAR observation, John! Thank you!! And I don’t want to even get started on his “butt sweat” contests. That’s just plain gross.
I also hate game officials who call a false start by saying “false start, prior to the snap.” No duh. That’s what a false start is by definition, you dope! If it came AFTER the snap it wouldn’t be a false start!!! I just want to take their little yellow flags and swat them across the backs of their heads when they do that!
The stupidest, dumbest, most annoyingest things in sports today:
-Dick Vitale and Tim McCarver
-The proliferation of worthless statistics, like “Smith is batting .437 against left-handed Libras on Tuesdays during June.” Even worse, during NFL games the announcers constantly say that a team’s defense or offense is ranked number X, but that don’t point out that that ranking is entirely bogus because the NFL ranks offenses and defenses solely according to gross yards (gained for offenses, allowed for defenses). Not yards per play, adjusted for points scored, penalties and turnovers, which would be much more accurate, just gross yards. It drives me mad.
-The number of so-called coaching geniuses in sports, especially Bill Walsh and his “sophisticated west-coast offense”, which Walsh stole in great part from the late great Paul Brown, who was running similar offensive plays in the 1950s. Kudos to current NY Giants Coach Jim Fassel who said recently that there are no genius coaches because they’re all just “P.E. majors coaching other P.E. majors.”
-the endless NBA playoffs, which always result in the Lakers (or before them, the Bulls, or the Celtics, or the Lakers), winning.
-MLB post season games that last 4 hours because teams change pitchers 3 times an inning after the starting pitcher leaves. It takes what should be the most dramatic moment of the game and just bleeds the tension right out of it, mostly because I’ve fallen asleep on the couch waiting for them to get on with it.
I’ll think of more later.
Jimmy Johnson----2 Super Bowl rings
Dan Marino—NO Super Bowl rings
Case closed.
“Everything pales in comparison to Brett Favre.” Posted by jarbabyj—as drooled by John Madden, quote.
Suck Favre’s dick a little more, Johnny. Is this making anybody else as sick, as I am ?
RAWDuke,
do you remember the days when Chief Hitahoma reigned in his teepee in the outfield bleachers in the early days of the Braves? Now that was a cultural lowpoint. But I’m happy to see that both New York and Atlanta are out of the playoffs.
And it is my firm belief that John Madden contributes to the dumbing down of America. Does anyone ever listen to what that guy is talking about? ARGH!!! He’s so stupid!!!
One last item. I’m Canadian but don’t play hockey. But I do believe the hockey season is far too long. What’s even worse is that even though I’m 34 years old the Toronto Maple Leafs have not won a Stanley Cup in my lifetime!
Global Citizen
You know, about 30 years ago I would have agreed with this.
I would have rather watched the lousiest NHL game over the best Super Bowl.
But now? The NHL has an almost 90 game “pre-season” to dump the teams that REALLY stink, and then put us through a THREE MONTH playoff. Ending in June. Potentially in So. Cal or Florida. Where you can watch the fog hanging over the ice, cuz it’s 85 degrees and 95% humidity.
Jesus Jennie on Toast. And they wonder why nobody watches the finals except the fans of the two teams playing?
Fireworks for every home team home run. Even the ones that make the score 11-2 instead of 11-1.
ESPN’s constant dick-sucking of Florida and Tennessee football, even when Kentucky starts the season out 4-0 and comes up one turnover short of beating the Gators in the Swamp.
Overly sentimental video pieces about Jim Schmuck’s sister who has chronic hangnail and desperately needs an appendix transplant so she can continue to profit off her brother’s fame.
Unnecessary “bells and whistles” during coverage. I’m talking to you, NBC, for those godawful picture bubbles during NASCAR coverage. Just show the damn race and be done with it.
Dick Vitale, John Madden, Tim McCarver, and Chris “Is my hair okay?” Myers.
-brianjedi
Joe Morgan!
…nuff said