It all started when two major American carriers implemented a tracking function to their websites. For those not familiar with this, here is a brief explanation. For those who are, skip the next paragraph.
Let’s say you ship a package via UPS or FEDEX. When you give them the package, they will assign it a unique code (composed of letters and numbers) which is called tracking number and give it to you so you can check on the status of the shipment.
This is not new. People have been Calling carriers and asking them what the hell was going on with the package they shipped to granma since the dawn of times. To do so, you had to give a certain number or code (usually printed on your receipt) to a phone operator and wait until they gave you the usual unsatisfactory reply: It’s on it’s way.
However, a few years ago, those carriers started pasting barcodes on those packages and scanning them with their little portable gizmos at every step of the shipping process. They will scan the package when you give it to them, when they put it in a truck or an airplane, when they take it out, etc. That allowed them to save time and limit paperwork in a significant way.
Then, some smart ass suggested that they hooked their terminals to their webpage to allow any joe blow with an internet connection to check the last know location of his package and where was the next stop. Here is how the result on his screen looks like:
**DAY_______TIME_______LOCATION_________STATUS
Aug 16__10:49 P.M.______CACH, IL, US ARRIVAL SCAN
________8:08 P.M.____SPENCER, IA, US DEPARTURE SCAN
________7:51 P.M.__DAVENPORT, IA, US DEPARTURE SCAN
________6:47 P.M.__DAVENPORT, IA, US ARRIVAL SCAN
________3:17 P.M.__DES MOINES, IA, US DEPARTURE SCAN**
I can hear some of you thinking: This is nice. Technology put to good use. Let us worship these enlightened people.
YOU are SADLY mistaken!!! This is a typical case of tecnologia frustrata (not real latin…the stupid english-latin online translators are all crap. this is subject to a future rant)
Trackers Anonymous Volunteer:
Let me present you one of the victims of the tracking disease:
Gozu:
Hi, My name is Gozu and I’m addicted to tracking.
TAV:
Hi Gozu! Tell us your story.
Gozu:
Last week, i ordered several computer parts from three different resellers. This was a significant upgrade I had waited for since immemorial times. After placing each order and waiting for excruciatingly long periods ranging from 24 to 72 hours, I received tracking numbers for each package. The first thing I did was going to each carrier’s website and check the status and location of my packages.
TAV:
That’s a normal thing to do. What happened next?
Gozu:
Well, I checked again a couple of hours later. And I have been checking and rechecking at very short intervals since then.
TAV:
Oh, this is indeed a little excessive. How much time usually transcurrs between the intervals you cited?
Gozu:
Anywhere between 20 minutes and 8 hours (because I have to sleep). I also check religiously during the weekend even though I know nothing can happen then.
TAV:
You freak! Get away from me!
Gozu:
Sorry mr Fedex employee…but please tell me where my package is! I know it is somewhere in Illinois but WHERE EXACTLY? Is the driver a speeder? Do you think it’ll arrive before schedule? ANSWER ME FOR THE SAKE OF GOD!
TAV:
I’m not a fedex employee! Arghh! Let me gooo, let me goo! Stop biting me you crazy maniac! Someone shoot him!
BANG
Gozu’s ghost:
My rant is as follows. If you’re going to use technology, do it right damnit!!! Include gps transmitters in your trucks! In your employees watches! create a virtual map on your website with little dots moving on the map! Update the speed the package is moving at every 50 ms! Give us the option to give electric shocks to the employees through their watches so they don’t slack at work! HOW HARD IS IT YOU CHEAP MOTHERFUCKERS???
Holy shit! 20 minutes passed already! I must leave you and go track my packages. I’ll be back later.