The United Airlines Rhyming Haikus

Reserved an aisle seat?
Sure, but be that as it may
Window for today

Seatbelt extender!
Waverly, upon is sat
Now… he’s downright flat

Your drink sir, don’t scour
Will arrive within one hour
Or possibly two

What kind of chicken?
It rather wriggles. Dear me,
Excuse my giggles.

I’ve undone my belt
For your inspection, but felt
You’d tip or something

Sir, did you just groan?
I am stunned by the pretzels
That you have just thrown!

Towels from the sink…
Get them quick! Your arse has just
Toppled my poor drink

Most truly tangled
I’ve never seen luggage so
Thoroughly mangled

We’re known for service
As well we should. Never said
That it would be good.

Long flight to London:
Lunch? Ham on a soggy bun.
Set phasers on stun.

To tilt while he naps,
Next man up puts his seat back
Ow – broken kneecaps.

Thank you, Waverly.
You have rhymed so cleverly.
Wit and brevity.

They lost my luggage
It went on another plane
On its way to Spain

Plenty of leg room
I do not need any more
I’m just five-foot, four

(that’s all I can think of for now)

Flew out to Vegas
by way of Los Angeles.
Too far 'tween the gates.

A true United Airline story, in haiku:
Early morning flight.
Up before the sun can rise.
And the plane? Delayed.

Finally on board,
the baby has her own seat
Only $420!

I ask for kosher,
but what’s this with my breakfast?
Alas, it’s bacon.

Travel with infant!
Yes, I do have to hold her
in order to nurse.

Stop at CVG
En route to San Francisco.
Hi Cinci-tucky!

On the connection:
Ma’am, did you bathe in perfume?
Long flight spent gagging.

Ah, an in-flight flick!
But wait, what fresh hell is this?
They’re showing Glitter!?!?!

And now we’ve landed.
Good news, passengers. Only
fifth in line for gates.

Thanks a lot, you jerk.
I know you’re in a hurry.
But don’t knock me down!

Oh flying these days
Such agony and struggle
Now they’ve lost my bags?

They make a promise.
Bags delivered to my door.
But at 3 a.m.?

Airline so well known
for making customers moan.
See Untied.Com

Ah, yes friendly skies
The ground is the real problem
Traffic, lines, late, why???