Orlando: you are obligated to pull out from a near-corner convenience store without waiting. People will make room.
San Francisco:
[ul]
[li]If there is a stop sign at the top of that hill, pressing the brake pedal to stop behind at least one car puts you in a very humorous and dangerous situation. Doubly so if you are driving a stickshift. The proper way out of this is to quickly let go of the brake and do a 45 second burnout as your car is desperately trying not to slide into the cop car behind you. [/li][li]As a corollary brake use is exclusively reserved for rush hour. [/li][li]If you have an out of state license plate you do not know how to drive in the city and by default considered an obstruction in traffic. Therefore every cab driver may and will honk at you even if they are in a different lane. [/li][li]If you take a cab accross town for the first time you will believe in God by the end of your three minute journey. [/li][li]Yes, every intersection on Market St. is confusing, but you have a better chance of surviving by going than not going, even if you’re not sure what to make of three lights that are all at different angles to each other and are all almost but not entirely facing you. This is often complicated by the fact that one might show a red arrow when the other shows a green arrow roughly in the same direction. [/li][li]This is not a zoo for gay or otherwise colorful people, they live here, and so do we,so stop staring and keep driving you fucking dipshit, how would you feel if I came to Nashville or wherever the fuck you’re from and blocked YOUR Market street because “look, ma! real hicks!”[/li][/ul]
Richmond/Oakland:
[ul]
[li] If you’re going too fast you are liable to have a passing cop car slow down to give you a “Slow the fuck down” over the megaphone instead of pulling you over. They have better things to do. When that happens, you better actually slow the fuck down or you are going to suddenly become “better things to do”. [/li][li] If you’re lost in a neighborhood with a lot of fences and roaming pitbulls, do not try to get back on the freeway by heading straight for it. There’s a handful of onramps and you’re not going to find any of them geographically. Ask for directions, preferrably without exiting your vehicle. [/li][li] Try the chicharron burritos from La Bamba off San Pablo, best mexo-salvadoran fusion I’ve tried so far.[/li][li] Don’t cuss people out on their way to or from a Raiders/A’s game just because you’re stuck in THEIR traffic. For those unfamiliar, that is kind of like yelling “The BBQ here sucks” in the middle of Texas. [/li][/ul]
San Jose area:
[ul]
[li] Repeat after me: “I will yield for the bus”. Yes, this one is an actual law, but buses expect it and you might get run over. [/li][li] If you see a grey or white japanese-made family car, DODGE NOW! You’ll see what I mean. [/li][li] Highway 280 is usually around 95-105 mph between the hours of 1am to 4am on weeknights. If both your taillights are out/aren’t on, traveling at 55 miles per hour in the second lane will get you killed. [/li][li] Highway 17 is not for you between the hours of 1am to 4am. If you disregard this warning you have a good chance of plowing into something. Four of my friends totalled cars there in the past five years. That is the only place anybody I know totalled cars in the past five years. [/li][li] If you think you can cheat and take Highway 9 in the middle of the night instead, please add me to your will. [/li][li] One side is Moorpark the other side is Parkmoor, it’s only confusing if you’re dyslexic. [/li][li] If somebody is driving safely, they’re most definitely stoned. [/li][/ul]
Fremont/Milpitas area:
[ul]
[li] Don’t roll down your window stuck in traffic on 880 just to ask me what the hell that smell is. I don’t know, it’s always been there and I didn’t do it man. [/li][li] If you’re stuck in traffic on 880 in the middle of the night for no apparent reason it is perfectly acceptable to take the expressways all the way accross to Sunnyvale at 80 miles per hour dodging construction crew. They’ll be very happy to see you on their boring jobs. [/li][/ul]
It’s because if you’re not from around there, and not familiar with the area and make the mistake of getting off the highway to find the bathroom, the instant experience makes you kiss your steering wheel when you finally get back on the highway. You’ll be flooring it all the way to Denver.
Chicago:[ul][li]Third car back starts honking as soon as the light turns green.[/li][li]The most aggressive driver has right-of-way.[/li][li]Stealing a street parking spot during winter (indicated by a lawn chair) is a valid shooting offense per the “reasonable person principle.”[/ul][/li]Los Angeles: [ul][li]Two cars get to make a left hand turn after the light turns red. [/li][li]You ignore all walkways that aren’t indicated by a light, regardless of other marking/signage.[/li][li]Drivers egressing from the HOV lane to an exit 1/8 mile in front have right-of-way ahead of all other drivers.[/li][li]Blocking a celebrity from the most expedient travel to an award ceremony, movie premier, or meet with his coke dealer is justification for being beat to insensibility with a five iron.[/li][li]Driver possessing the largest caliber firearm has right of way.[/ul]Everywhere: [ul]BMW drivers have right-of-way every time, everywhere, and never have to use turn signals.[/ul][/li]
Stranger
There are only three rules you have to remember in St. Louis.
St. Louis has more stop signs than any other place on earth. They are meant as recommendations.
Many major roads have a center lane clearly marked for turning in or out of the street. The appropriate distance for driving in a center lane is approximately 2.5 miles.
Fog and drizzle are major catastrophes that turn ordinary streets into ribbons of death. Do not drive more than 10 miles per hour in a drizzle, and hit your brakes every 50 yards during morning fog.
Also, when a chance of snow is forecast, every member of the household must immediately jam the aisles of every supermarket to purchase milk, bread and eggs. If it ever actually does snow, St. Louis becomes the French toast capital of the world.
I’ve lived in Baltimore for almost 3 years and as near as I can tell pretty much anything goes…as long as you follow it up with a friendly wave.
Although Bostonians like to rag on themselves for bad driving, I’ve actually found that Boston is a great city for pedestrians compared to some others. The driving rules here are rather lax. Cars usually slow down and stop when people are trying to cross the roads, and the peds have no trouble getting across and frequently stretch out walk signals allowing them to go.
Other cities don’t seem to be so nice and drivers often use their right of way to homicidal limits. My cavalier Boston attitude as a pedestrian has almost gotten me run over in cities all over the globe. From Sydney to Tokyo, Montreal, Los Angeles and Rome.
I don’t live in/near a city but my village (yes its that small) and County rules:
-“Nine your fine, ten your mine” Rule applies to your speed.
-Stop signs with the white outline are optional.
-Rolling stops are perfectly legal.
-When two vehicals are coming towards each other on a one lane road the person with the little car gets off the road while the 4x4 truck continues to take up the whole road.
-There is no speed limit on roads that do not have white/yellow lines.
-When the car behind you is too close it is normal to suddenly stop, just to make sure they are still paying attention.
-When coming up to farm equiptment slow down but drive on the left side of the road, this way they can see you and will promptly pull over and let you around.
-Farmers will park on the road, you have to deal with it and drive around all of their vehicles.
-When it has just snowed and the roads are icy you must hit the gas/breaks as hard as you can every time.
East Cleveland, OH.
-If you’re first in line at a stop signal, it’s permissible to remove your foot from the brake so that you roll (idle speed) into the intersection as soon as the light for cross-traffic changes from green to yellow.
-If that same intersection has a light that, for a moment, displays a red signal in BOTH directions and your’s has yet to go green, it’s permissible to just hit the gas.
Worcester MA:
When you come to a 7 way stop sign, it is preferable to just coast through with your eyes closed.
Every street will eventually become a one-way, not going in the direction you want. It is perfectly acceptable to continue driving in the wrong direction.
Street signs are for sissies.
When on 290E and you cross over into Worcester from Auburn, it is perfectly acceptable to continue driving 75MPH, even though the speed changes from 65 to 55 when the city changes.
RI:
The people on the on ramp have the right of way. It doesn’t matter how many people are speeding past you on 146. If they don’t slam on the brakes from 65 just to let you on, fuck 'em.
CT (specifically the Hartford area):
Driving with your eyes open is optional.
Singapore…
- Turning on your four way flashers makes you invisible to the parking wardens
- 50% of the population works for the traffic police - enforcing the legal limit of 90 km/h on expressways by driving in the left lane
- The same 50% of the population doesn’t have to slow down on surface streets
- You can park wherever you like - so long as you turn on your four way flashers (even if you are blocking traffic)
- You must never let anyone merge into your lane, if you do you car will implode and you will be 5 hours late to your meeting
and my personal rule -
Its only illegal if you get caught
For Malaysia
IN the city - anything goes
On the expressway, if you are in a hurry turn on your right indicator (extreme right is fast lane) and people WILL move out of your way.
The above applies unless you are following a Singapore driver, in which case you have to physically push them off the road before they will make way for you.
Rule no. 1: If you are religious, be ready to meet your maker.
Rule no. 2: Carry sackfuls of patience.
I find that amazing, since here a guy got busted last year for HRUI (horseback riding under the influence) after he’d lost his license.
Rules for Lexington driving:
-
Yellow lights mean “go ahead, you can make it.” If you’re within a couple hundred yards of the light when it goes yellow, you can still make it.
-
Don’t bother trying to get over so people can merge onto New Circle; the folks in the left lane will make sure to box you in before you get over.
-
If you’re within 2 blocks of campus, UK students will walk out into the street instead of using crosswalks. The same is true for intersections with turn lanes, as students will only wait until the cross traffic has stopped.
-
If you see someone with a turn signal on, it’s a factory defect and you should ignore it.
And everyone repeat after me: do NOT, under any circumstances, attempt to head downtown on Nicholasville Rd. between the hours of 4-6 p.m.
Texas
The old battered pickup truck has right of way over the shiney new BMW.
If your truck is a half ton or bigger you do not have to look behind you when backing.
The pick up with the largest gun rack has right of way.
When there is an accident on the freeway lanes going the other direction, you must slow down to get as good a look at it as possible.
If it is a flaming accident, you must stop to look.
IF it is a flame war you must take it to the Pit. 
Do NOT make obscene gestures at other mototists, you never know how well they are armed.
A truck pulling a BIG boat and trailer can force their way into a space 3 feet big when changing lanes.
You do not have to exit at the off ramp. If traffic is backed up you can cut across the grassy divider to the service road if your vehicle has enough clearance.
If it rains, speed up. You want to get home before it floods.
Pedestrians are mobile speed bumps.
If you hit a deer and kill it, you can take it home for venison even if it isn’t deer season.
(And you must mount the antlers on your hood)
My current town–actually, the whole country!–has very many written rules of driving; however, there is apparently only one unwritten and overriding rule: DON’T follow any of the written rules.
On the return leg of a one-day tour of Paris when I was stationed in Germany, the tour bus driver collided with a deer late at night. He did the required thing (called the forest master) and waited. The forest master wasn’t all that happy to be awakened at a ridiculous hour and when he found out what it was for was incredulous. “What’s the matter with you? Don’t you like venison? Take it home.” The driver, a young man, was a bit unnerved thanks to the collision and the dead deer, and said, “I can’t take it home.” So the forest master took it off his hands. I wonder how many meals he got out of that critter.
Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic:
Seat belts, children’s car seats, turn signals, motorcycle helmets and any light that isn’t on high beam are silly optional extras only used by uptight gringos.
Chicago
If you are on the Eisenhower, you are obligated to remove all coolant from your engine before setting out - in rush hour. Bonus points if you flatten your tires.
When it snows, you must cut off every 18 wheeler in sight then slam on your brakes, causing his load to shift and him to jacknife. In rush hour.
Sydney:
- Lock your car doors on Cleveland St
- Red lights are advisory only
- If you are in the middle of three lanes, you MUST overtake on the left (we drive on the left of the road)
- If you are on a single (each way) lane highway, and are elderly, hat-wearing, and doing 20 below the limit, let the guy behind you sweat as the signs say “OVERTAKING LANE 5KM AHEAD” and count down to “OVERTAKING LANE 100M AHEAD”, then when you hit the dual-lane blacktop, you are LEGALLY OBLIGED to floor your 1975 Toyota Crown, gripping the wheels with white knuckles. Slow down again when the lane ends.
- Perform the “Lakemba Manouevre”: Double park, holding up the traffic. The guy (me, usually) immediately behind you will wait until there is a tight but useable gap in the oncoming traffic to go around you. As soon as this guy (me) is parallel with your car, you must suddenly take off, accelerating hard, leaving the other guy (me) on the wrong side of the road, and headed for a head-on collision and/or a traffic ticket, and being tut-tutted by passers-by as a reckless driver. You, on the other hand, serenely drive off.
- Your SUV has a safety feature that disables it unless you are using your cellphone.
- Driving INTO the school playground at 50kmh to drop little Caitlyn off at the door is only prohibited for OTHER parents, not you.
- Indicators are for pussies.
Upstate NY:
[ul]
[li]Don’t let him merge. It doesn’t matter that he’s going to eventually be driven off the road, since there’s no place for him to go. Just don’t let him merge.[/li]
[li]All cars must slow down to five miles an hour when there is a car pulled well off the shoulder, even if he is completely out of the way.[/li]
[li]Pedestrians are assholes for trying to cross and never have the right-of-way.[/li]
[li]That middle lane? It’s not there for turning, it’s just there to look pretty. Really you’re supposed to come to a stop in the left lane of a major road and block up all the traffic behind you.[/li]
[li]Passing is DANGEROUS! Even on the dotted yellow line. NEVER do it![/li]
[li]It’s just a blizzard. Keep driving 70 mph. (Actually, I’m kind of obscurely proud of us for this one.)[/li]
[li]It’s just a thunderstorm. Keep driving 70 mph.[/li]
[li]OH, NO! A drop of rain hit our car! Slow down to 35mph. [/li]
[/ul]