In a recent CRACKED column, the authors were non-Americans offering their views of the upcoming US elections. One was from Canada and the other Finland. At the close of their column, the two authors agreed that they regard America as a friend, but not the type they would want to have a as a roommate. America is lots of fun, but can be destructive about it, and sometimes the mood swings can be lethal. They love us but they worry about us.
That got me to thinking, how does America view its friends/allies? Generally speaking, that is. There are some American factions that may have strong opinions that differ from the norm, but I don’t want this to turn into a political debate. I’ll leave out current enemies.
England - Our snooty friend that we like
Ireland - Our friend who’s fun to hang around with, but from whom we hide most of the liquor
France - Our snooty friend that we don’t like, but from whom we will grudgingly take fashion tips
Italy - Our friend who has some really dangerous family members as well as some religious fanatics we’d rather not hang with
Greece - Our friend who’s good for fun times, but who we don’t want staying around
Germany - Our intense friend who went to jail and rehab a few times, and hopefully this last time worked out
Sweden - Our friend who’s into porno but manages to keep it sleaze-free
Israel - The distant cousin our parents want us to keep an eye on
Canada - The quiet friends we visit when we want to hide somewhere
Mexico - The party friends we call for pot and coke, but that’s as much interaction as we want
Japan - Our weird nerd friend who kind of scares us