Yes I know. YAP YAP YAP… We are on the verge of war, of nuclear annihilation, of starvation and horror and going beyond thunderdome. We are quickly headed to our own WaterWorld…
<b>but none of that matters to me.</b>
because I have got a fucking wart on my thumb that has been there since the god damn Holy Day of CHRISTMAS and is resisting all fucking forms of treatment and soon it will take over my body, leaving me crusty, stinky, unloved, unsexed and so terribly alone.
I have filed it with coarse grit files, poured that friggin acid crap on it, put duct tape on it, dug at it with sharp objects until I was screaming and covered in blood, bought the little medicated pads for it, prayed over it, yelled at it, chewed on it, shook my fist at it, washed it with hot water and a brush.
I went to get a manicure and it was like a short, twenty minute course in massive woman on woman humiliation…with the petite, smiley, not a day over twenty, friendly Korean gal with her gorgeous toothy smile and shiny black hair talking up a storm, then grabbing my thumb and actually going “OH…” and looking around for the HazMat unit.
This thing is like fucking Zsa Zsa! It has no reason to live and it just won’t die. FUCKING THING.
<b>Next stop:</b> running over it with a car several times OR just cutting my thumb off all together. Don’t push me. I WILL DO IT.
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE. Stupid fucking wart. I hate thee.