The WASP Test

In My Humble Opinion
1

So here’s the story; I was chatting with a friend and I was telling her about this chain email that I got a few years back called “The JAP Test.” It consisted of a series of questions with point values attached intended to determine if you were a “JAP” or Jewish American Princess / Prince. For example:

Do you refer to New York City exclusively as, “The City” (2 pts.)
Did you attend overnight summer camp? (2 pt.)
Did it have a Native American name? (1 pts.)
Do you own a pair of jeans made by Diesel? (1 pt.)
Did you go to Cornell, Syracuse, Wisconsin, GW, or Penn? (2 pts.)
Did your parents buy you into Cornell, Syracuse, Wisconsin, GW, or Penn? (5 pts.)

Etc. It was not unlike those quizzes you find in women’s magazines. My friend tells me that she is a WASP, but that no such test exists for that characterization to her knowledge. I troll the net and come up empty.

Provided no one takes offense, what are some potential questions for “The WASP Test”?

2

“The City” doesn’t refer to New York City- it refers, specifically, to Manhattan. The other 4 boroughs may be (technically) part of New York City, but when a guy from Queens or Brooklyn goes to Manhattan, he always says “I’m going to the City.”

That’s not a WASP thing, that’s a New York thing.

Incidentally, I’m a WIC (white Irish Catholic).

3

The OP was giving a sample JAP test to give an idea of the sort of thing they were looking for.

Now, for the purposes of this thread, are we using WASP to describe only the upper class, or are we defining it more broadly?

4

The be-all and end-all of the WASP test, for guys anyway, is: Are you commonly referred to by a diminutive form of your middle name? Is your middle name actually someone’s last name? If so, you’re a WASP.

–Cliffy

5

Is there any other kind of Irish Catholic? :stuck_out_tongue:

6

No and yes. Hmm.

This might be a little more difficult than I supposed. Technically, I’m a WASP (although the P hasn’t really been applicable since childhood) and I’ve never been anywhere near a country club.

7

Well…there’s always the black Irish… :wink:

8

I’m referring to the stereotypical features… Ya know like, “Do you use summer as a verb?” Think Judge Smails from Caddy Shack.

9

Whereas if you would never refer to NYC as The City because it is, of course, the financial district of London…then you might be a WASP :slight_smile:

10

Real WASPs wouldn’t be caught dead taking a “WASP test.” They may smirk, amusedly, at the notion - but never really take the damn thing.

11

I just want to be the first to say…

What the heck is a WASP?

12

I’ve also heard this in the Bay Area when referring to San Francisco.

13

White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. More specifically, it usually refers to members of the upper classes, usually residing in the Northeast. Thought the acronym doesn’t include any meaning of “rich”, it’s usually implied that the people referred to are privileged by birth and upbringing. As for the religious angle, it seems so insignificant now, but remember that it took until 1961 to have a Catholic POTUS.

14

Do you find that the solution to most of life’s problems can be found at the bottom of a gin and tonic?

15

We can’t advertise then. Everyone’s playing polo.

16

Have you ever dyed your hair from its natural blond color to be even more blond?

Is Laura Ashley just a little too out there for your taste?

Do you sometimes lapse into French just to find the right word, even though you were born and raised in Connecticut?

When your college friends go “clubbing” do you assume they mean to play tennis?

Have you ever heard of an organization called “Daughters of the Mayflower?” Is your membership currently active?

17

There are outposts of WASPdom outside of the Northeast - Shaker Heights, Ohio; the North Shore suburbs of Chicagoland; and the Country Clb Plaza area in Kansas City, to name a few.

This WASP living room scoring sheet has been floating around the Net for some time.

Hardwood floor (solid wood) add 4
Parquet floor (solid wood) add 8
Stone floor add 4
Laminate floor subtract 4
Vinyl floor subtract 6
Wall-to-wall carpet add 2
Shag carpet subtract 4
Working fireplace add 4
Gas log fireplace subtract 5
New Oriental rug or carpet subtract 2 (each)
Worn Oriental rug or carpet add 5 (each)
Threadbare rug or carpet add 8 (each)
Ceiling ten feet high, or higher add 6
Cathedral Ceiling (with or without skylights) subtract 5
Original paintings by internationally recognized practitioners add 8
Original drawings, prints, or lithographs by internationally recognized practitioner add 5 (each)
Reproductions of any Picasso painting, print, or anything subtract 2 (each)
Original paintings, drawings, or prints by family members
subtract 4 (each)
Windows curtained, rods and draw cords add 5
Windows curtained, no rods or draw cords add 2
Window blinds, mini, plastic subtract 2
Window blinds, mini, metal subtract 1
Window blinds, mini, wood add 1
Window blinds, vertical subtract 3
Wooden venetian blinds subtract 2
Metal venetian blinds subtract 4
Genuine Tiffany lamp add 3
Reproduction Tiffany lamp subtract 4
Any work of art depicting cowboys subtract 3
“Professional” oil portrait of any member of the household
subtract 3
Any display of “collectibles” subtract 4
Transparent plastic covers on furniture subtract 6
Furniture upholstered with any metallic threads
subtract 3
Cellophane on any lampshade subtract 4
Refrigerator, washing machine, or clothes dryer in living room (includes “great rooms”) subtract 6
Motorcycle kept in living room (unless inner city loft)
subtract 10

Periodicals visible, laid out flat:
National Enquirer subtract 6
Popular Mechanics, or any vehicle related periodical subtract 5
Reader’s Digest
subtract 3
National Geographic, Time, Newsweek, Life, etc. subtract 2
Smithsonian [COLOR=DarkRed]subtract 1
Scientific American subtract 1
Town and Country add 2
New York Review of Books add 5
Times Literary Supplement (London) add 5
Paris Match add 6
Hudson Review add 8
No periodicals subtract 5

Each family photograph (black-and-white) subtract 2
Each family photograph (color) subtract 3
Each family photograph (black-and-white or color) in sterling-silver frame
add 3
Potted citrus tree with midget fruit growing
add 8
Potted palm tree add 5
Fresh cut flowers add 3
Artificial flowers (plastic) subtract 5
Artificial flowers (silk) subtract 3
Bowling-ball carrier subtract 6
Fishbowl or aquarium (fresh water) subtract 4
Fishbowl or aquarium (salt water) add 1
Fringe on any upholstered furniture subtract 4
Identifiable Naugahyde aping anything customarily made of leather
subtract 3
Any item exhibiting words in an ancient or modern foreign language (Spanish excluded) add 7
Tabletop obelisk of marble, glass, etc. add 9
Fewer than five pictures on walls subtract 5
Each piece of furniture over 50 years old add 2
Bookcase(s) full of books add 5
Overflow books stacked on floor, chairs, etc. add 6
Hutch bookcase (“wall system”) displaying plates, pots, porcelain figurines, etc., but no books subtract 4
Wall unit with built-in TV, stereo, etc subtract 4
TV, stereo, etc subtract 6
Piano (grand or baby grand) add 4
Piano (upright) subtract 1
Computer subtract 3
Fax machine subtract 4
On coffeetable, container of matchbooks from funny or anomalous places add 1
Works of sculpture (original, and not made by householder or any family member) add 4 (each)
Works of sculpture made by householder or any family member subtract 5 (each)
Every item alluding specifically to the United Kingdom add 1
Any item alluding, even remotely, to Tutankhamen subtract 4
Each framed certificate, diploma, or testimonia1 subtract 2
Each “laminated” framed certificate, diploma, or testimonial subtract 3
Each item with a “tortoiseshell” finish, if only made of Formica add 1
Each “Eames chair” subtract 2
Each recliner subtract 3
Each recliner sofa subtract 4
Each sofa with “hidden” compartments subtract 5
Anything displaying the name or initials of anyone in the household subtract 4
Curved moldings visible anywhere in the room add 5

245 and above: Upper class
185-245: Upper-middle Class
100-185: Middle Class
50-100: High prole (working class)
Below 50: Mid- or low prole (lower class)

18

No, a Martini, made with either Tanqueray or Bombay.

19

This blast from my past might help:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0894801406/102-0448902-0032109?v=glance
(I was very familar with it as I went to school with a lot of preppies…err…except I went to public school so they were actually wannabe preppies…all the more so because we were the “townies” in the town that was home to the Lawrenceville School.)

20

When you go to a Chinese restaurant with your family, do you not share the food?