I would gift the entire amount budgeted but beware that when you’re traveling how often you take out your wallet to pay for extra’s beause you’re the bride’s parents on vacation in Wowee (so funny!) so you could really overspend if you don’t watch it. SOme peeps kind of mooch off the generosity of others in a group setting. Set some boundaries before you go, about picking up bar tabs, or ordering bottles of veuve clicquot, or generally coming off as the people with resources to cover all contingencies.
Don’t do this. Whatever you do, decide to do it and then do it without resentment or intention to bring it up later as some sacrifice you made…you don’t want that sort of baggage attached to what should be one of the happiest events of your daughter’s life. Make a decision you can live with and then live with it.
And this is a big part of why I think destination weddings are a terrible, terrible idea.
Yeah, it’s lovely and romantic to get married on a beach at sunset (or whatever) but why on earth should you expect your guests to shell out many thousands of dollars each to join in the experience?
Yes, people travel to non-destination weddings, but they’re usually at a location that is home to someone involved. There’s less travel, chances are good that the location has regular hotel rates, not “this is a wedding destination” hotel rates, and so on. Might even be drivable.
Re the OP: If the extra cost is happening right as dad is retiring, I’d be a hardass and vote “here’s your total budget. If you want me there, my airfare/hotel come out of that”. Then again, I’m a curmudgeon who things $50,000 weddings are absurd.
This is HUGE. But I can imagine it being difficult to NOT bear SOME hard feelings whatever you choose. If you pay the extra $, you can be pissed about that. If you decide not to go… If you just resent having to worry about this…
Your dtr is being (at least somewhat) selfish and inconsiderate. Many brides/grooms are. Good luck in finding the approach that will allow you to be gracious both now and in the future.
Yes, I realize it’s not a small ask. But consider the damage you do to the relationship if you don’t make the conscious decision to let it go. Yes, there is culpability on the part of the daughter as well, though she might not realize it, but in the end the only one who can prevent the resentment from becoming an issue is Dear Old Dad.