The Weird life lessons/Facts Christmas Specials Have taught me

Please feel free to contribute and add cites (IE the Name of the Special)
Misfits are great if they serve some use but otherwise shun them–(Rudolph the red Nosed Reindeer)

If your Dog Wins First Prize in a Christmas Decorating contest it means Christmas has become too commercial (But judging by the look of his house it means that rest of the neighbourhood just didn’t try)–A Charlie Brown Christmas

In 1776 nothing happened anywhere in the world except the American Revolution --Rudolph’s Shiny New Year

Christmas Snow does not melt–Frosty the Snowman

It may be christmas but without Santa it is not CHRISTMAS–A Year without A Santa Claus/T’was the Night Before Christmas

Keeping your Christmas gold to yourself so as to kill your enemy is the best way to show the holiday spirit–Leprechaun’s Christmas Gold

Once the world was ruled by the Evil Burgermeister family—Santa Claus is coming to town.

The Bible can Bring life to inanimate objects—Frosty’s Winter Wonderland

Only Evil Wizards may be enchanted—Santa Claus is coming to town

You shouldn’t think with your brain… your heart is a better organ to use–Twas the Night before Christmas

Never be assertive. People love a kindly doormat. – It’s a Wonderful Life

If you’re appointed to the board of an Savings & Loan solely because of who your father was and procede to mismanage the business into bankruptcy, don’t worry–the community will bail you out and you’ll never pay the consequences.–“It’s a Wonderful Life” AND “The Neil Bush Story”

Realizing the true meaning of Christmas can give you Super Strength!! – The Grinch

Anyone can conduct a Salvation Army band – Merry Christmas Mr. Bean

If a family member kidnaps your boss, and drags him to your house, you just have to point out to the boss that he didn’t give you a Christmas Bonus, and he’ll call things even and won’t have you thrown in jail – Christmas Vacation

Career criminals who swear all the time are really just big softies, and make great marriage councillors and role models for teenagers – The Ref

Apparently, no one wants a water pistol that shoots jelly. Even though personally, I think that’s pretty damn cool and certainly wouldn’t be upset if it showed up under my tree. – Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

With just a few well-placed ornaments, even the most scraggly, decrepit-looking Christmas tree will instantly develop full foliage (A Charlie Brown Christmas).

Devices like an ordinary TV set (as opposed to a home theater system) and a child’s tape recorder can reproduce sound so realistic and that it can fool someone into thinking that the sounds they are hearing are for real (Home Alone).

(OT)True, most kids would probably like a water pistol that shoots jelly. However, I don’t think too many parents would be that crazy about it (especially after having to pay the upholstery cleaning bills).

Every rehearsal of a play consists of dancing.(A Charlie Brown Christmas)

The post Office does deliver letters to Santa after all. (A Miracle on 34th Street)

Attempted suicide brings you closer to God and family - It’s A Wonderful Life

Any little kid can jump on a train to the North Pole-- especially if they have a snowman with them-- but remember, dress warmly!–Frosty the Snowman.

Bumbles Bounce! - Rudolph

It’s ok to shun someone and let them live in an ice cave if they don’t share the same beliefs as you – The Grinch

Santa runs a child sweatshop at the north pole filled with kids in “traditional” clothes singing “traditional” songs (American kids dressed as cowboys singing ‘Mary had a Little Lamb’, next to a couple of black children wearing leopard skins and holding spears). His workshop is filled with bizarre pieces spy equipment with enormous body parts mounted on them, and he drives a sleigh pulled by cackling robots as his fights Satan.

At least, that’s what I learned from the Mexican movie Santa Claus.

DA-A-AMN!

Where can I get a copy of that?!?

Animals decorate their own Christmas trees. -Frosty the Snowman

It’s okay if some big fat man breaks into your house and eats all your cookies, as long as he breaks in through the chimney. -Santa Claus is Coming to Town

With the promise of presents from Santa any mean person turns into a sweet happy dude. - Frosty the Snowman/The Santa Claus

I have the MST3K version. Hopefully they will release it on DVD pretty soon.

The society at the North Pole is frozen in a kind of 1950s time warp, where all the female beings are helpless and submissive, and all the males are absurdly macho, and anyone showing the slightest deviation from the norm is an outcast (Rudolph).

If you are a penguin with a big nose, don’t worry about not being able to fly. (A Wish for Wings That Work)

-brianjedi

Santa is a prejudiced asshole who wouldn’t hesitate to shun you for being “different”; that is until he realizes your “abilities” can be of use to him (Rudolph)

Steal people’s stuff. Then give it back to them while posing as Santa. You’ll be a HERO! (Grinch)