My father had for two years a boss who was such an utter and complete asshole that his name became a swearword in my family. My mother (for whom respect to authority is so important it’s effing ridiculous) refused to agree with Dad and me that the guy was an ass until, in a company lunch, he referred to the bottle blonde on his arm as “the current wife.”
She was number three, I know the guy has reached at least number five. Given that I had minimal contact with him (never met him personally, we just had a few, ah, encounters over the phone) and yet based on that little contact wouldn’t mind being able to drop an Acme anvil on his head, I hope they gutted his bank accounts… corkboard, a bit of Google comes up with She Who Must Be Obeyed. English version of the Spanish “el jefe,” the bossman
When they’d just gotten married, my brother loved being able to say “mi mujer” (my woman), “mi señora” (my lady), “aquí la señora” (the mistress (of the house), here), “mi media naranja” (my half-orange, this is from Plato IIUC) and other terms meaning “yay, I met this wonderful woman and she’s been dumb enough to marry me!” When I ribbed him he’d grin from ear to ear and say “I still can’t believe she married me.”
For most Americans, SWMBO seems to come from a british tv show, Rumpole of the Bailey. In the link, wikipedia says Rumpole “secretly calls his wife Hilda “She Who Must Be Obeyed” (SWMBO), a reference to the novel *She *by H. Rider Haggard”. The link to the wikipedia about the book says “The title is short for “She Who Must Be Obeyed”, a translation of the Arabic honorific used for Ayesha by the Amahagger, a tribe whom she has enslaved.”
I don’t mind “the wife”, and have definitely been referred to as more strange things; one in particular that I was around for was a mutual friend referring to me as “your [piece of] ass”. Since we’ve got a bawdy personality-driven friendship, it wasn’t offensive; the same goes with my occasional reference of my spouse as “my shorter half” to the same friend. I think “wifey” is cute in an endearing context, and I will sometimes call him “bubby”, which [in context] is something we use to refer to the dogs when they’re being cute.
My cousin T.K. has been married four times. The story goes that, at the announcement of his most recent wedding, one college friend of his told another, “I won’t be going. I only go to the odd-numbered ones.”
I’m not offended by ‘‘The Wife.’’ My husband says it sometimes just to delight his coworkers (male and female) because he is the last sort of person on the planet to carry the archaic attitude it is associated with. I totally agree intent is everything.
We call one another ‘‘Wife’’ and ‘‘Husband’’ at home, unless we’re using far more embarrassing terminology. We picked this up from my Aunt, who uses ‘‘Husband’’ so much that eventually she just shorted it to ‘‘Bend,’’ or ‘‘Bendolin’’ when she’s feeling goofy.
Like iftheresaway and her husband, we also threaten to visit extreme violence upon one another, usually in the form of cannibalism. He also frequently saws off my appendages. I usually retaliate by ‘‘punching’’ him (no contact, just sound effects and motions.) We talk about devouring one another’s souls. It’s all in good fun.
If my husband ever called me She Who Must Be Obeyed I would be pretty damn offended. But he wouldn’t. Because he knows that.
To me both “the wife” and “my wife” sound odd. The latter moreso, probably because it’s not just unnecessarily possessive, it’s also strangely redundant. (And also, I don’t think it rolls as well off the tongue. That “y w” part just doesn’t work…)
It’s probably just as well I’m not married; I’d have to call her “hey, you”.
“I need to ask hey you first.”
I’ve always heard “the wife” in an ironic way like “the ball and chain”. Like saying: “Sounds like fun, but the wife wants us to stay in, you guys go without me.” when really it means: “She wants to stay home and I prefer her company, so I’d prefer to stay home too.”
In my experience as a Texas woman, my female friends and I all hate it. Most of my friends were brought up to be ladies, and they bought into “don’t argue with your man”. I was brought up to be a lady, but it didn’t take.
I’m willing to bet that the Texas women you know really don’t like it, but they won’t put up a fuss about it in public, and they might figure it’s not worth the fight in private. But you might ask them directly, instead of assuming that they’re OK with the term.
Being a non-confrontational person, I can believe you on the first two, but that last thing…if you don’t like something, you really need to (kindly, nicely) say you don’t like it. It should not be incumbent on your partner to ask, every time he calls you by a new endearment that may not be endearing, if it’s ok. If you don’t speak up, it’s your fault when the whole office calls you “Suzi” instead of “Susan”.
Back when I was married, this student called our house looking for my husband who was also a student at the time. She asked me, “Is this the wife?” I wanted to answer, “Oh, you mean like the chair or the door?” At that time, it made it seem like I was some sort of an object rather than a person.
That’s sort of my point. My friends and I were not brought up to do this, we were told to be nice little girls and not argue with our males of whatever age. I am not saying that this is RIGHT, mind you, I’m just saying that this is how we were brought up. We had to learn to speak up if something bothers us.
I’ve heard my husband refer to me as “the wife” to someone who does not know us at all, pretty regularly. I don’t mind at all. For some, it may have connotations of ownership; for me, though, I imagine it as the wife, meaning “the one and only wife I have, the wife I chose, even though you don’t know her name”.
Of course, a lot of this probably lays in relationship to how your husband refers to you/treats you at times when he’s not referring to you. Mine is respectful, and acts as though he actually likes me and enjoys my company.
This is not to say that any of you that have trouble with the phrase have a troubled relationship. It’s just to say that different folks find different things acceptable, and for different reasons.
Often, on the Dope, I will refer to him as “the hubby”, and, AFAIK, he has no problem with that, either.
In the end, I guess, it’s a personal preference based on a lot of variables. For me, it’s no problem. If it’s a problem for you, but your husband won’t stop, in spite of knowing that, then you might have a real problem!
