Welcome to the world’s worst online account management site. We have set up this useful website so that you can view your account with us, send us your meter readings and pay us your bills with the greatest of ease. Unfortunately we appeared to have let morons design it.
You will notice that we ask you for your card detail every time you pay your bill. There is a very particular format that we want you to submit these details in.
**But we’re not going to tell you it. **
No, we believe this should be a game of 20 questions. First you must guess, and then we’ll tell you you’ve got some of it wrong , but only in a very vague way and we’ll not mention what else is wrong. So you have to retype everything and guess what we mean. This will return exactly the same vague error message. This is fun (snigger) because you don’t know if we have really returned the same error, or if you’re still waiting for a response and the error message is from last time around. You also won’t know if you’ve now got the first bit correctly, and its a second thing that’s wrong (except we just didn’t think to tell you about that first time around) or if the first bit is still wrong.
Obviously we can’t tell you the exact format in the first place because it’s a secret and it wouldn’t be fun that way.
Having fun yet?
Our world’s worse online account management site (WWOAMS) is online 24/7. Except for some bits. Like the bill payment section. It goes down overnight every day at 11pm. Of course we won’t tell you this until after you have pain-stakingly completed the entire form and clicked submit. Only then will we tell you, so you have to come back the next day to repeat the whole process. Obviously we can’t warn you of this before then as it wouldn’t be fun that way.
The WWOAMS lets you manage your change of address so that we can continue our harmonic customer relationship with yourself. We ask you to let us know you are moving at least two weeks in advance, so that everything can be done in time. Please fill in the Change Of Address form.
Ah. You’ve noticed that we ask for your old address’ final meter readings in the form. Yes, they are indeed compulsory fields. You cannot submit this form without them being filled in. We see no conflict in asking you to notify us two weeks in advance at the same time as insisting you tell us the final readings. In the absense of you being unable to see two weeks into the future, you will just have to conclude that our online account management site is indeed a stinking heap of fetid chicken entrails designed by morons.
Now that you have moved, and submitted this information once you do know the final readings, you might like to pay your final bill on your old address. Our WWOAMS helpfully makes this impossible. You see, once you told us you’d moved we closed that account and disabled the login. So you can no longer access the WWOAMS to pay the final bill. You see, this is what you get for not telling us what the final meter readings would have been two weeks in advance! If you’d done that you could have paid us before this happened! Pah!
But don’t worry about the final bill. What we’ll do is write to you soon after asking you why you haven’t paid it yet.
The WWOAMS, for online people who can read our minds and see into the future.