The Worst job in the DCU? (open spoilers)

Cafe Society
1

After reading War Games and Identity Crisis it got me thinking that the worst job in the DC Universe must be that of Robin.

That gig must be cursed.

Robin 1 - Dick Grayson

While nothing particularly bad happened to Dick Graysonn as Robin he now has to live up to Batman the whole time, never quite feeling that he’s got 100% approval. He’s possibly been raped and he now has lots of guilt about being part of a murder.
Robin 2 - Jason Todd

Beaten to a bloody pulp then died in an explosion!
Robin 3 & 5- Tim Drake

His friend from school got killed in War Games (can’t remember her name), his girlfriend got killed (see Robin 4) and to top that off his dad has just been killed.
Robin 4 - Stephanie Brown

Sacked from the job then in her zeal to still prove herself gets beaten to a bloody pulp by Black Mask who eventually shot her. Died due to her injuries.
Surely there can’t be a worse job in the DCU.
Getting the role of Robin is a passport to a life of misery.

2

Dewey Cheatham Undhow has his own firm now? :eek:

3

Eh. Robin’s not really special in this regard. The only difference between Robin and a lot of other superheroes is that there’ve been 4 different people wearing the costume.

Batman, for instance, has watched all this happen to the Robins (and he holds a hell of a lot of responsibility for what happened with Steph, IMO - not to remove her own responsibility, but she’s not alone). That’s not happy, either.

I’d say being a Green Lantern is as bad, or worse.

Guy: Brain damaged, trapped in another dimention (the Phantom Zone or something much like it), watched his fiancee almost marry another man (Hal), had his ring taken away.

John: Accidentally destroyed a planet, watched his wife get killed, watched several friends get killed, became immortal, then lost that (or gave it up…how DID John stop being a Guardian), lost his ring.

Hal: Watched the woman he loved fall in love with another man (John), watched his city get destroyed, went mad and destroyed the Corps, got himself killed making amends. (Then he became the Spectre which makes him, probably, the second most powerful being in the DCU…but he can’t act - which clearly kills him.)

Kyle: People have a habit of chopping up the women in his life and stuffing them in appliances. Then Jade, the woman he loved, cheated on him. (Not with another GL this time, at least. O_o)

Significant portions of the rest of the Corps: Killed in action, or murdered by Hal.

4

Forgot: Had his girlfriend (and boss) (Carol Ferris) turned into one of his worst enemies (Star Sapphire).

5

Jack Drake did snuff it? Darn, I kind if liked that Tim was the only Robin (until Steph, but she hardly counts) who wasn’t an orphan.

Anyway, his mom died some time ago, after he was introduced but before he became Robin full-time. And, as said, all the Robins previously had been orphans. Tim was just unique in that he was Robin first.

6

Oh, and I nominate Aquaman for the DCU’s hard-luck kid.

Left to die as an infant.
Loses his kingdom frequently.
Often estranged from his wife.
Lost his girlfriend to his sidekick.
His infant son was murdered.
Lost his hand.
His worse enemy is his half-brother.
Despite being rather powerful in his own right and soverign of 2/3rds of the planet, gets no respect.

Guy’s almost as bad as Peter Parker.

7

Dick Crayson was maybe raped? What’s the story on that?

8

Sorry to hear about Spoiler. I liked the interaction between her and Batgirl in Batgirl’s book when Kelly Puckett was writing.

–Cliffy

9

Being Matter-Eater Lad doesn’t sound like a fun gig to me. :smiley:

10

Bouncing Boy

[ul]
[li]Gains weight[/li][li]loses weight[/li][li]re-gains weight[/li][li]lather rinse repeat[/li][li]looks up to Aquaman, & hopes to gain his stature someday.[/li][/ul]

11

I’d say whoever is in charge of whatever facility the Joker is held in (Arkham or the Slab) has a good shot at worst job in the universe.

Second would have to be Joker Henchman. Oh sure, it seems great at first, but you
know that he might just decide to eat your spleen for no good reason.

On the other hand, the best job in the DCU would have to be Metropolis construction worker. There’s no danger of ever being out of work and the union has got to demand great benefits.

12

In Nightwing #93, by Devin Grayson, an exhausted Nightwing does not prevent Tarantula from killing Blockbuster. Subsequently, Tarantula rapes Nightwing - that is, she has sex with him after he says “don’t touch me.” See links to the sequence of pictures [url=]here, thanks to Chuckg at the Comic Book Resources Forum.

13

link’s broken

14

Kobra’s henchmen. These guys – when they’re not having their collective asses handed to them by Batman, being killed by Kobra in a fit of pique, dying fighting superheroes or being killed fighting other supervillains – are so fanatical that they have been known to shoot themselves or bite down on cyanide capsules so they can off themselves rather than be captured or be interrogated. At least Maxie Zeus, The Joker, Lex Luthor and Brainiac don’t demand you die as a sign of faith and loyalty.

The Daily Planet janitor. The guy must be pissed off that every time he goes in the supply closet some idiot’s been in there moving stuff around. And who is it that keeps leaving these neat piles of folded up clothes on the top shelf?

As job security, they got nothing to worry about. As an example of his/her lasting craftsmanship, whoever has the job of replacing the Daily Planet Globe whenever it gets demolished must be getting reeeeeealllly annoyed by now.

Titano Pooper-Scooper. Imagine the size and smell of a spoor left behind by an eight story ape. You know he does, they just don’t show it.

15

Ooops.

Repaired link to Nightwing panels.

16

That’s not rape. Initially reluctant sex outdoors on a dirty rooftop in the rain, sure. But that’s not a sexual assault and/or unconsenting violation.

Hell, it’s not even clear if there’s any penetration. Could be a dry hump.

17

If Robin could get and sustain an erection in those panels, then he has a superpower never before disclosed. And unique.

18

Well, I guess Tim’s free to pursue a relationship with Jubilee, now. ;D

And…what exactly happened to Dick’s relationship with Barbara? (Aside from the law of comics that all romances end with heartbreak, untimely death, or damage to the space-time continuum.)

19

Gotta concur that the panels presented don’t IMHO constitute rape.

20

**1. Low-level staff at Arkham Asylum. ** Not everyone who works in a nuthouse is a doctor. Depending on the size of the place, you require a fairly large support staff, many of whom are paid at or around the minimum wage.

Now, as I recall, Arkham is a refurbished mansion that belonged to a millionaire shrink who went nuts and offed himself, and has been used as a mystic focus to drive people insane and/or summon creatures from other dimensions and netherworlds. And even when it’s running the way it’s supposed to, the Joker cheerfully mentally and verbally abuses the staff, and escapes about once a month, leaving a trail of grinning corpses behind.

We must therefore conclude that the support staff at Arkham are monumentally stupid… or are paid sufficiently to tempt people to work in a place stuffed with the craziest and deadliest villains in the DC universe that also occasionally functions as the Hellmouth, so to speak. I don’t even want to think about what starting pay is there for orderlies and kitchen staff…

2. The Joker’s henchmen. Man, who in their right mind would work for a nihilistic homicidal maniac with a clown fixation? And how much do you have to pay them?

I mean, think about it. You’re taking on a short-term term of service to a madman/criminal genius who’s famous for insanely expensive crimes that may or may not have any actual profit margin (I mean, think about it… every time he gets loose, the next scene takes place in an abandoned warehouse decorated with giant playing cards and clown junk). He’s been known to bump off his own employees on occasion, for any reason or no reason. He may have some really bizarre sexual fetishes, considering his girlfriend and certain subtexts that occur from time to time. And at some point in the near future, Batman IS going to show up and kick your ass, guaranteed.

I’ve wondered time and time again how the Joker finds people willing to work for him. Is the money THAT good?