The (your) best day ever

Today I talked the coolest woman in the world. Her name is Jeannie and her husband is named Dick. They are my favorite people in the world. (This may sound strange but Jeannie and Dick are my parents best friends. At the same time Jeanie and Dick are the coolest people ever)

Anyway, while we were talking I remembered the best day of my life. We were at Lake Powell. Jeannie, Dick and I went to get gas. Once we filled up the gas cans we went back to the houseboat. On the way I started waterskiing. Dick took a left and went up the Escalante arm of the lake.

How to describe it? The water was a pure green, smooth as silk and endless. The cliffs surrounding the river were perfect, carved in such a way to highlight the beautiful blue sky. The blue sky, the color of the sandstone and the lake with its deep green color just amazed me. And there was no one around. Peace and Beauty. I skiied for hours. Then we had a feast. Actually it was just bread and coldcuts but it felt like a feast. We then hiked up to see some Indian ruins. After that we left. I skiied all the way out. At the time all I could say was that is was a good day. Looking back I believe that I found bliss.

I hope I have another day that good.

What are your best days?

Slee

I was fourteen years old playing “Pony League” baseball for the Twins. Big game against the Mets and our coach had me bat lead off. I went two for three that day with four stolen bases, two runs scored and threw out a runner at home and a runner at second, both from right field. My out was the hardest hit ball I ever hit in my life, a screamer right over the 1st base bag, a triple if there ever was one. But my friend Pete who was playing 1st base for the Mets closed his eyes and blindly flailed his glove in the general direction of 1st base. He catches the ball. On one foot. One of the luckiest catches I’ve ever seen in my life.

This was also the only baseball gave in my life that my father ever took the trouble to attend.

A blissfull day recently was swinging on swings really really high in a park in the middle of san francisco at 5 am. I was so happy being in the momment, I felt like a child again.

My best moment ever was the first time I saw our first child. She was slicked down with goo and crying her eyes out - and the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

Damn.

I have two.

The first one was when I was 29 years old. I was a stand-up comic, struggling variety. Beginner, really. There was a competition in L.A. running over 8 weeks, a total of 110 comedians competing at different venues throughout the city. My night of competition was held at the world-famous Improvisation. I did nothing for a week prior except write and rehearse, re-write and rehearse.

The night of the show, I was a complete wreck, totally terrified and excited. It was a packed house, not one seat remaining. I got up there, did my 7 minutes, and killed. Completely killed. I floated off the stage. Later on, I was standing out on Melrose Avenue, and people I did not know stopped to tell me how much they enjoyed my set and how funny I was. It was a magical feeling, everything I ever dreamed it would be. The next day, thinking back on it, I cried I was so happy. *

The other one was my 49th birthday, when the true love of my life asked me to marry him.

*I came in 11th overall, which put me in the semi-finals. I didn’t make the finals, but that’s fine. 11th out of 110 is just fine. The only other woman in the competition was really a thousand times more talented than I was, and she did in fact go on to be a story editor for * Roseanne *. The only other person in the semi-finals that went on to have a significant career that I know about was Tommy Davidson, who was a great impressionist but not really much of a wit, in my opinion. Also in the contest, but not making the finals was a truly original and hilarious guy by the name of Doug Benson, who has some kind of career because he occasionally pops up making snarky remarks on the fashion police pages of * US * magazine. The few times I’ve seen him since that time I was sad because he had abandoned the really outrageous sort of goth act that he had going that cracked me up.

I’d say my best day was when we learned that Mom’s cancer was confined to the lump and hadn’t managed to spread yet. (It’s been seven years and she’s still cancer-free - knock on wood.)

My other best day would have to be the time we visited one of Mom’s college friends in their victorian home that had once been owned by a silent movie star (not sure who). When Mom’s friend bought the house, they got all her clothes with it. She had some amazing pieces from the 1920’s on up. While there were some outfits that were kept in storage because they were so old and in good condition, there was a HUGE amount of stuff that wasn’t and I was allowed to spend the entire day playing dress-up with it all in her enormous 3rd floor attic. sigh!

That’s tough. There were great moments and wonderful half-days (and some wonderful weekends with . . . well, I don’t talk about THOSE times. Not since my marriage, anyway.)

But the one that stands out has to be the third day on the set of “The Patriot.” I was an extra, dressed in the uniform of the Continental Army, and our start time was 5 a.m., which in South Carolina in November was still bloody cold. We were housed in a circus tent, and after we checked in and went through the dressing and make-up procedure, we hung around and ate scrambled eggs and hash browns and drank coffee and waited for the trucks to take us to the battlefield.

This was the day we filmed the climactic battle at the end of the movie. The field where it was filmed had a high hill in the center with the ruins of a building. It was completely fake, and what’s amazing was that, even close up, you couldn’t tell. The first floor was real stone, but everything above that was some form of styrofoam, and you had to touch it to realize that you could push it over with a pole.

Anyway, they filmed the battle with the British charging us, forcing us back up the hill. Then we broke for lunch before filming them chasing us over and down the other side. At that point, the Brits run into the entire Continential Army, get blasted, retreat, then we charged. Mel Gibson was a few yards ahead of us, chasing down his enemy and giving him a hatchet bath.

We ran behind him.

Uphill.

Four times. Screaming.

On the second take, I had to avoid falling on top of him.

After three times, I was breathless. My lungs hurting. I was ready to throw up.

To fill out the line at one point, the director ordered four of the stunt men to join us. Remember, we were extras. Day workers. Only a few of us were actual pros at moviemaking. These guys were the pros. They didn’t give a shit what anyone thought. They abused the director. They gossiped about the stars. They cursed each other. They cursed every other word. They were the lords of creation, the best at what they did.

For one take, they challenged each other to fire as often as possible. We were using black-powder rifles with cartridges. The guns were loaded at the start of the scene, and after that, we had to go through the drill (rip packet open with teeth, dump powder down, fake the tamping, set the firing pin, aim, turn head, fire).

The scene was only a minute or two long. We usually got off two rounds. The stunt men easily made three, and one got off a fourth. They shot like regulars.

Near the end of the day, the sun was going down and the director and his assistants were hustling us into line to get as many shots done as possible. There was one in which two dozen of us were counted off, taken to the top of a ridge, and ordered to run to the edge and fire down. To get the shot he wanted, we had to run through this five or six times in rapid succession, and it was panic central with the ADs ordering us back in line, the gofers passing out the cartridges, the orders over the bull horn to prepare for shooting. God knows what it looked like on film, but from where I was running it seemed like a clusterfarge times ten.

By the end of the day, I was dragging my sorry butt back to the trailer, my molars grinding on the grains of black powder, but I don’t think I ever had as much fun. Some of the professional extras were talking about getting together a hotel room in Savannah the week after (where “Bagger Vance” was filming). Another was bragging he was in on a Spielburg shoot called “Battleline,” better known as “Saving Private Ryan.”

If I wasn’t married with children, I would have gone with them, an old man’s version of running away to join the circus.

I have had many but the latest was last November 3rd as my wife and I celebrated our 12th anniversary. We had gone to spend the weekend in Leavenworth, Washington, a little tourist trap town done up as a Bavarian village. We had spent all day Saturday visiting all the shops in town and had one of the best pieces of prime rib for dinner that night. Sunday morning the inn my wife and I stayed in delivered the Sunday paper and a fresh pot of coffee. I sat in a chair, reading the paper, drinking coffee, the sunshine was pouring into our room. For about an hour I was able to just sit and have absolutely no cares in the world. It was possibly as close to bliss that I have been in a long time. Even though we had to return home that day, that moment made my day. I don’t think anything could have ruined it. For this old man, it made for a perfect day.

Let’s see… I’ve had some great days, but picking a #1’s going to be pretty much impossible. Can I list, like, the top five?

There have been plenty of days that weren’t completely awesome in and of themselves, but started new and better eras in my life.

For example, the day I got into my current college was pretty great. It was my ticket out of the place where I misspent my freshman year. The acceptance envelope had “Yes!” printed on the front of it. I always wondered if their rejection letters say “No!” Also, this day was pretty awesome as well.

Ones that stand out because they just freakin’ rocked?

-The day I walked into a restaurant, lonely as all hell, looking to eat dinner somewhere outside so I could have the illusion of human contact, and ran right into five or six of my close friends from the last town I lived in. They had come up to Madison to hang out and go to an indie concert at one of the local clubs. So, of course, I blew off all my homework and spent the rest of the night hanging out with them. The concert was excellent - by the way, if a band called Denali ever comes your way, go see them - and just being able to hang around people I knew again was great.

-Pretty much every day in the boundary waters or Quetico Park (northern Minnesota/southern Ontario) is a good day, but one that particularly sticks out is the do nothing day on a trip I took in high school. We were in one of the most remote regions of the park, in a shallow lagoon with a long beach-like strip of bedrock, ideal for sunbathing. We’d paddled and portaged for almost a full week to get to this point. The group and I slept until about noon, then went out and lay on the rocks for another couple of hours. This is in the middle of a huge portion of wilderness, and there weren’t any humans around for miles.

In the afternoon, the guide took a bunch of us over to a back bay in the lake, and we all went cliff jumping off this huge glacial boulder until the sun went down.

-I’m saving the #1 greatest for something cool that happens to me later in life.