matt-I’ve seen your pictures, and you’re a cutie, if I do say so myself.
Isn’t there any kind of fun exercise? I should talk, I never exercise. But, I don’t know, bike riding? Skating, dancing, swimming?
(Me, I’m scared of someday having a female-stache type thingy-because I have dark hair and pale skin. It freaks me out. Or moles. Yuck yuck yuck. My mom thinks I’m nuts).
It’s possible to overthink things, and to me, this sounds like one of those times. (I certainly did plenty of it in my early 20s.)
At times, you’ve got to say, “screw the politics - what do I want??” If you want to lose a few pounds and get into better shape, then just go for it. It really won’t mean you’re buying into the Gay Agenda[sup]TM[/sup].
matt, if you don’t do those crunches, then the terrorists have already won!
That probably didn’t help either, did it? Seriously, I know where you’re coming from, even though I’m straight and not subject to the body fascism that young gay men are. I have terrible, terrible body image problems. Part of it is due to my out-of-shapeness (I’m 5’9" and weigh arounbd 210 lbs, although most people would probably guess me at slightly lighter), but more importantly part of it is due to overwhelming hirsuteness.
I hate going to the pool, or the beach, or anywhere else where I might have to remove my shirt in public. At times, I’ve shaved my back and shoulders, and I know that I do it for my own comfort (so I don’t perspire like a hog), but I also feel like I’m giving in to society’s notions that men should have chests and backs as smooth as a baby’s butt. So I stopped doing it, and as a result can’t enjoy any of the water activities that I like.
I also worked out for a while, getting up at 5:00 am (!) every day to go to them gym, but because of my poor shape and my hairiness and my sweating, I turned paranoid and felt like everyone in the gym and locker room was mocking me. So I stopped going, even though it was good for me and I felt better when I was.
I guess I don’t have any advice, but you aren’t alone, among the gays or the straights.
matt, while I fully understand your dilemna, and support whatever course you take (and I REALLY don’t want to dissuade you from getting to where you feel comfortable), I have to warn you that I don’t know anyone who is really happy with his/her appearance.
What’s going to happen is that you’ll drop 20 lbs or whatever, and then start thinking that you really should beef up your chest. You’ll do that, and then realize that your legs are looking a little too thin in proportion to your upper body. Maybe in the course of thickening up your quads, you’ll see that you’d like your midsection better if you could define your six-pack. It doesn’t stop. Getting to the shape that some of your gay-community “rivals” are in is about as realistic as the media-pushed female ideal is for most women. And I bet that they’re not satisfied with their builds, either.
PLEASE do not get discouraged by this! Eventually you will come to a point where getting in better shape isn’t worth the demands on your time and energy. Realizing that you’re at that point, rather than doing whatever you have to in order to keep progressing toward the unattainable “ideal”, is the real issue in rejecting our country’s (and apparently the gay community’s) body facisim.
Another tip: if you don’t like crunches, don’t do crunches. Find a physical activity you like, and do it. Try different stuff. I enjoy the hell out of weight lifting, but a lot of people find it extremely monotonous. Running bores me out of my skull, but some people get a rush off it. Team sports turn a lot of people’s cranks. The most effective exercise is the one you’re going to do.
Hope this helps.
The most stupid part is that I don’t even know if I AM doing situps right, and I can’t check because every book, every website is written in that stupid, pious, evangelistic style I mentioned above, so I just get disgusted and stop. Right now I’m doing situps with my arms at my sides, my feet flat on the floor and my legs bent, is that correct?
Sure. As long as your legs are bent (straight-legged situps are hard on the back), it doesn’t make much difference where your arms are. Further away from your butt (aka “fulcrum”) makes it more difficult (“reduces advantageous leverage” :D).
Once it gets too easy having your arms at your side, fold them across your chest. Once that’s too easy, lace your fingers behind your head, or straighten your arms above your head.
For some really good ab exercises, check out Awesome Abs.
You’d probably be better off having your knees raised and putting your feet under something, so you’re doing all the work with your abs.
HOWEVER
No matter how many situps you’re doing, they won’t do a damn thing for your gut. If you really want to burn fat, then you have a few options:[ol][li] Cut down on the number of calories you eat, and make sure that you’re eating healthful foods (based on what I know about you, this probably won’t be an issue).[/li][li] Do aerobic exercise of some kind (running, jogging, walking, biking, swimming, etc.) for about a half-hour four days a week.[/li][li] Do weightlifting so you increase your muscle mass. This will raise your metabolism and make it easier for you to burn calories.[/ol]Ideally, you’d do all of the above, but these might be big lifestyle changes. Do what you can handle.[/li]
ALSO
If you’re working out with your abs, you also need to work out your lower back. Otherwise your posture can get a little off, and it can cause you a lot of trouble. Look for low back exercises.
You should check out exrx, one of the best online sources for exercise information.
ultrafilter, that is a damn good site! Thanks!
Dearest Matt_mcl…
You do not have a gut. I’ve had the pleasure to see you in person. For your weight, height and age, you’re fine. I remember I looked pretty much as you do when I was about 20 or so. (lo those many years ago!)
Yeah, your abdominal muscles could use some tone. But guess what, 90% of the population could do the same. Go grab a book on enthographies of some hunter/gather people in Africa or the like. Take a look at their bodies. They have the same sort of gut you do.
If you want to work out and tone your body, do so because YOU want to, NOT because you feel you have to.
If you’re looking for help with exercises, try talking to someone in the athletic dept at your local highschool or Uni. Or prehaps the local YMCA. Someone to give you some direction.
Good luck! kiss
I’ve been wondering whether to respond to this thread for the last couple of days now. (ever since I saw it here, and on the UnaBoard) While I have not seen your pictures, or met you in person, I’m sure that if you feel you HAVE to lose weight to confgorm to some societal norm, you’ll end up wondering why you ever tried doing it in the first place.
On the other hand, if you lose weight because you WANT to feel better about yourself (have more energy, strength, etc.), you’ll most likely keep at it longer. Then again, I don’t know what I’m talking about because I never exercise.
I know I’m not wording this very well, but best of luck in whatever you decide to do. Just make sure it’s the best thing for you and your body. Based on what I know about you, you’re already leading a healthy lifestyle, but if you want to be healthier, then go for it!
F_X
Straight male, 24, just got back from the gym.
I find the following statement particularly telling:
You are a very intelligent guy, matt, so it is hard to believe that you would allow yourself to be so straitjacketed, or dare I say dominated, by identity politics. Like you say, you have a “raised awareness.” You know what young gay men to do themselves in obedience to body fascism; simply being aware of this illness can be enough to pull you back from the brink of it.
You do not have to justify your desire for a body you feel more comfortable with. To a greater or lesser extent, it is in your power to make changes. The fact that the media lauds and encourages this kind of behavior is coincidental. To reject the idea of hard work for improvement simply because it is conditioned by social mores is just as dogmatic as to follow said mores unquestioningly.
Train hard, but train for your own reasons. There feeling of a healthy body in tune with a healthy mind is incomparable. Likewise the sheer increase in energy and exuberance that regular cardiovascular exercise engenders is marvelous. You know you aren’t going to do it because Cathy says so or because you want the body of some boy trying to emulate a smack addict. You are doing it for yourself, in order to feel strong and confident.
You know what you want. Its effects are 100% beneficial for you. Just have confidence in your ability to train in a natural, unselfconscious way and seize it.
MR
Ya know, I understand the appeal of the body beautiful. Hell, I really like the little ego boast that I get when I know someone’s checking me out. And, if I do say so myself, while I never ever ever looked like a super model, I did ok back in the dark ages. However, no matter how much I exercise and no matter how I modify my diet, I’m probably not considered sexually viable by popular American cultural standards anymore because I’m now officially frickin’ middle-aged. And I refuse to spend every bloody waking minute worrying about what I look or trying rectifying the signs of aging. I’m 47, thank you very much, and it does show.
So how does this relate to **matt_mcl ** and the gut that keeps following him around? Look, if you do indeed get some kind of exercise and you avoid crap food, maybe this is just how you’re built. You can either learn to tolerate ze gut or you can spend an inordinate amount of time trying to exorcise it. I don’t know if it’s worth it to you and I have no advice as to how to shuck all the self-loathing that comes with not confirming to social expectations. However, after reading a number of your posts, I suspect that if anyone can dumb their stupid conditioning, you can. I don’t dye my hair or go to any great lengths to look younger than I am because I just don’t give a rat’s arse about what anyone else thinks is sexually attractive. [sub] with, of course, the exception of Mrzania who thankfully thinks gray hair and wrinkles are hot[/sub]
Matt, should I be able to make it to Motrealdope, I will be glad to show you several correct ways to do sit-ups (yes, there is more than one, unless several personal trainers, physical therapists and bodybuilders are mistaken).
Oh, and pushups (which, for the strangest reasons [i.e. I dunno what they are], I’m better at). Oh yes. Maybe even with you ON me.
[sub]I guess y’all can take that sexually if you want to, though anyone who’d read enough of Matt’s posts knows that wouldn’t end up in sex…[/sub]
my two cents
I’m only attracted to overweight men. I know that there are men like that also. Check out newsgroup alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.bears.moderated so yes, the whole matter is figuring out what you really want.
Do you really hate your gut or do you hate society telling you to hate it. Imagine someone telling you that they love it, can you respect that person? Can you believe them? I could go on & on, but I’ve found in my few years of sanity, if you try to lose weight for anyone else but yourself, if won’t make you happy.
Best wishes on your trip to finding out what you want! It can be fun.
Matt, do it, but for the right reasons: stake a claim on your body, and realize that owning it means you can have it be as you want it to be, within the reasonable limitations. And focus more on training than on dieting - dieting will, I think, make you crazy. But working out will make you strong.
Men do tend to be pretty visual, which (again) within reason isn’t something to apologize for. What’s problematic is when you realize that there’s a serious gap between what you look like and what makes your dick hard. You can narrow it, though, and feel much better for it, provided you’re not starting to turn to chemical assistance or letting the gym interfere in the rest of your life.
Even if you had the money, I would never recommend starting off at a gay gym like the Stone or somesuch. It’s so easy to let a crowd like that intimidate a person. My first gym was a straight gym in Brooklyn, with a diverse crowd of all ages. Made me feel much better, and got me to the point where I could join (the late, not-much-lamented) American Fitness in Chelsea (aka American Fisting, American Princess, and Mary-can-you-lift-this?).
Moderation in all things, m’dear. Including (well, I’d say especially :p) “consciousness.”
Speaking as a heterosexual man, I don’t consider a woman with a body like a pipecleaner to be physically beautiful. 5’10" and 105 lbs. would be skeletal. Calista Flockhart and Lara Flynn Boyle do not have beautiful bodies.
matt_mcl, I second RTFirefly’s post. In the words of James Thurber, “Let your mind alone!” Either exercise, if you want to, or don’t, if you don’t want to, and quit worrying about why you want to, or don’t want to. You are not trying to solve some great moral dilemma.
You make at least some effort to look nice when you go out, don’t you? Showered, shaved, hair combed, wearing good clothes (not necessarily expensive). Does that mean you are a slave to fashion? No. It means that you simply want to look nice, in part because that makes you feel better about yourself.
Sure some people spend way too much money on the ‘right’ clothes and way too much time preening in front of a mirror. That doesn’t mean that paying attention to one’s appearance makes one shallow.
If you want to do exercises to reduce the spare tire because you think it will make you look better, and because you think you will feel better about yourself because of that, just do it (insert Nike swoosh here)