There May be rants (monthly mini-rants)

The BBQ Pit
221

Thank you @saje, @LSLGuy, & @Spice_Weasel for your support.

Interestingly, my wife did get a private reply back from one of the friends he cc:d. She was 100% on my wife’s side - apparently she knew a lot more about my FILs problems from his wife before she died. She also said that friend has been getting more of a one-track mind over the past few years.
There’s also the fact that he hasn’t seen any of his adult children in about 20 years, even though two of them live within 30 minutes of him. So he’s not exactly the easiest guy to get along with, apparently.

222

Alternatively, Stop it!

Yeah, I went for a walk this morning and discovered I fucked up my ankle good. Fortunately, I don’t think it’s anything rest won’t cure. Again, the only thing I have done this week is go for walks. I switched back to the old shoes so hopefully this shit stops soon.

Here’s a true mini rant. Every self help book in existence (I read a lot of them) apparently has to mention the fight or flight response as it relates to stress. This is not groundbreaking information, folks. So many of these books are just the same thing over and over, and usually it’s just Zen repackaged. If they were going to mention fight or flight and then explore that further I’d be less annoyed. But it’s always, “Our ancestors were rightfully afraid of tigers but now you get the same reaction when you sit in traffic, haha!”

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There’s really only one self help book. All the others are simply rehashed copies of the same tired ideas.

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I have found some gems here and there. And I really like the neuroscience/social psychology/human behavior etc books that have practical applications. I’m not really interested unless it’s backed by science, but maybe I’ve just read too many of these books because even the science seems played out these days.

225

What follows is a long insurance rant. You may not follow it but I assure you, it’s rant-worthy.

We had a child we believed was autistic. He needed therapy ASAP. We were informed by our insurance company that in order for insurance to cover his services, we had to have an evaluation and diagnosis at one of their pre-approved Autism Evaluation Centers. The wait lists for these centers ranged from 1-2 years long. We got on as many wait lists as possible. In the meantime, what could we do with this child who urgently needed services? Insurance will only cover PT, OT and speech 30 sessions per year, combined, before all coverage stops, unless we have a diagnosis of autism. We learned this the hard way when coverage for our son’s feeding therapy was abruptly terminated.

We contacted a local ABA clinic, who told us about bridge authorization, a service provided by Lucet (who is somehow affiliated with our insurance company?) which would enable us to get him approved for services more quickly. If we got a comparable diagnosis from a psychologist on their other approved list, that diagnosis would give our son access to services temporarily, as long as he stayed on the wait list for the official Autism Evaluation Center.

We contacted one of the psychologists on the list and got on their wait list, which thankfully wasn’t nearly as long. As you already know we went through the whole damned evaluation process including an ADOS-2 and a bunch of other tests the insurance company requires for bridge authorization. After months of this bullshit, we finally got our diagnosis. ASD Level 2.

In the meantime, the pediatrician sent referrals to OT, PT and speech therapy so that we could start our son in services. He started about three weeks ago, and it was a race against the clock to get his official diagnosis before our 30 approved sessions ran out.

Now with his diagnosis, and following Lucet’s instructions to the letter, surely insurance will cover services, right? Right?

I think we all know where this is headed.

Enter this week. OT, PT and speech said the insurance company would not let them bill autism. My husband called the insurance company and they are acting like they never fucking heard of bridge authorization (they also had never heard of it when we first started this process. Spouse Weasel is an incredibly persistent insurance ninja and that’s the only way we got this process started in the first place.) My husband called Lucet and they explained, oh, bridge authorization is only for ABA therapy (which we have not yet decided on.) It has nothing to do with speech, OT and PT.

For OT, speech, and PT, the referrals the pediatrician wrote are not sufficient. He needs to call in and pre-authorize each one separately, and then our therapy provider has to conduct their own autism evaluation (I shit you not) and then they can bill to insurance. Because the fucking 20 page report we already have detailing my son’s diagnosis is just not fucking good enough.

We have 15 sessions left before coverage for therapy is terminated. It doesn’t count toward our out of pocket max, no discounted rate, nothing. If we don’t get this sorted out by then, therapy for my son will run us about $3,000 a month. I’ve looked at what we have saved so far toward a down payment on a house and that will get us through about 10 months.

And as the fucking cherry on top, my husband called the approved Autism Evaluation Center to check on the wait list. In January they told us the wait list was 7 months. Yesterday they sent us a letter (another fucking insurance requirement) saying the wait list is 7 months. It’s been 6 fucking months since they first told us 7 months.

That is the simplified version, it’s actually much more convoluted and my husband has intentionally spared me the more aggravating details. Guess how much work he’s been getting done lately? Guess who has to sacrifice her free time to watch our kid so my husband can pick up extra hours since he spends all fucking day on this bullshit?

I can confidently say that insurance companies intentionally deny services to disabled children. We have only gotten as far as we have because my husband is unusually intelligent, knows how to navigate insurance through his experience as a psychologist, and is extremely fucking stubborn. Everybody else is basically fucked. And even with all these advantages we have, they are still trying to fuck us as hard as possible. I’m so disgusted with the US health care system.

226

Quoted for truth. I’m sorry, and I’m even sorrier for all the people struggling without your resources. A good example of the banality of evil.

227

Ive been trying to get work. I went to a drink place(theres food but its mainly about the drinks), and they hired me.
The guy told me to text him my social and state i.d. which I did. I texted for 2 days, getting paranoid, they could use that to steal my identity!, but then he finally texts and says hes training a lot of people this past week, he’ll text me next week.
I am used to getting hired and filling out w2’s right away. I’m hoping I start training next week!

228

Good luck @SuntanLotion.

229

Seconded.

230

Also put in 2 applications at other places today as backup.

231

So I live on a road that is not a private road, but I have no neighbors. Around Christmastime, a dilapidated RV showed up on the street outside my house. I thought at first that it might have broken down or just been abandoned, but it soon became apparent that somebody lived in it.

My landlord was involved with them, trying to help (looking back with all the info I have now, I think he invited them to stay there to begin with). For a while, apart from a few things with him as a go-between (like using my trash bin/trash pickup and water), we didn’t really interact. They didn’t bother me and I didn’t bother them. They spread out into the woods- stuff everywhere- which I didn’t/don’t really love, but “my woods getting kind of trashed” is a pretty small thing next to “I don’t have a home”.

Then, tornado season hit and there was a tornado warning in the area. I knew it might open the door to a whole new relationship for them, but I couldn’t live with myself if something happened and they were out in the elements while I had a basement like 100 feet away. I knocked on their door and told them that, if things got dangerous, they could come shelter with me.
They didn’t, but they did come knock on my door any time they needed… anything. I have, so far, drawn the line at inviting them inside. They keep asking and it’s probably unkind of me, but… I really like a bit of solitude, they like to hang around and chat, and experience tells me that if I tell them they can come in to use the shower once, it will be taken as an open invitation to come in and hang out whenever they like.

Anyway, every time I talk to the older guy (who is the one I deal with most), we go over the same few topics of conversation: how my landlord helped them get their cats fixed once, how he used to be in a band, lots of really gross dirty jokes, and complaining that there’s too much traffic on my road. Most of which is me, coming and going to work or normal errands. … Sorry?

Well over the past month or so, another few people have appeared to move in with them. There’s now a truck along with the trailer (which, on one hand, does mean that they don’t need as many rides anymore) and a younger lady and guy and a toddler. They also seem to have other people come around pretty frequently. Not really my business, for the most part. They can be kind of noisy and one regular visitor has a dog who will roam into my yard on occasion and it’s kind of annoying having to maneuver around them when they spread out into the street itself, but… that’s just neighbors, I guess.

So then, about two weeks ago now, my landlord came up and told me that the county had given them notice- they had to move. They’d had a place they were going to go, but… something about not being able to get the trailer up a hill. So they were going to be moving into my front yard for, he said, a day or two. They’re still there.
Basically, all the things that were at a “this is mildly irritating, but I’m probably just being irritable and unreasonable” level when they were on the road in front of the house (debris everywhere, noise, people coming and going at all hours, traffic, the dogs being driven crazy, any and all visitors making comments) is amplified. I can’t let the dogs out without having them bark their heads off and the neighbors yell at them when they do that, so I have to go out and physically drag them in EVERY TIME, which, with my dogs, is a lot. I couldn’t get into my own driveway after work the other day because they had people over and they were parked all over the place, blocking the driveway. I have a big uncovered front window (no easy way to put blinds or curtains up), which is normally fine because I live in the woods and have no neighbors, but now there are a bunch of people who can see in. So I keep my lights off in the evenings and just use a few nightlights unless I’m in the bedrooms (which have blinds) so that my home isn’t on display like a movie screen.

I wish I were a kinder and more compassionate person. The reason I complain so much here is that I really don’t in real life and don’t have anyone to complain to. I’m not going to make a stink about this to my landlord because… obviously, these people need help and like… someone (or a whole bunch of someones) having at least a safe place to sleep is more important in the scheme of things than my petty desire to have some quiet and privacy and I’ve been in a similar position myself, so I know how impossible it can seem without a leg up. I just wish I were the kind of person who could just be happy to help! Whatever they need! As long as they like! … instead of someone who is willing to deal with it, but would really love it if they would go somewhere else.

232

When we were in Florida last month, closing down the in-laws’ place, one of the things I did was go to WalMart and buy a burner phone, and ported their home phone number over to that.

Fast forward to a couple weeks back, and junk mail arrived, at their address, for “TracFone Customer”.

Now, when I registered my TracFone account, I put in my OWN address, not theirs. So AT&T clearly provided TracFone the address when the number got ported.

My own rant of the day: I just had to sign up for a new web site with the company that manages my former employer’s pension plan.

This, not surprisingly, involved creating a user ID and password. Which I had to enter twice.

1Password to the rescue. User ID and password entries created. Pasted into the appropriate fields: user ID, password, repeat password… BZZZZZT. Second password field does not allow copy and paste.

I’ve run into this BS elsewhere. At least this time, I was doing it on the computer, where I could tell 1Password to display the gobbledygook in a largish window, that I could have floating over the target web page, so I could see what to type. Doing something like that on a phone is agonizingly slow and error prone.

233

Seems like you’ve got grounds for a major dispute with the landlord. Your lease presumably includes all the land the house is on - and suddenly you do not have access to all the features you are supposed to.

Frankly I’d call whatever county zoning boards might possibly take an interest, and keep calling them until the nuisances are gone.

234

I don’t see how you can be when…

That’s far more than a regular person would put up with.

You wish you were an actual saint instead of an extremely tolerant and understanding person? Honestly, that just sounds exhausting to me.

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Yes and the thing that crossed my mind as I was reading this was: what are these folks doing to help themselves? Anyone have a job? Are they trying to fit into the neighborhood since they are basically living free of rent? I think someone needs to give them some rules of conduct or move them on down the road.

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The problem is… Where?

“Down the road” is probably not going to work. @SurrenderDorothy is awesome for simply not being an asshole about it. (To be perfectly transparent, after a certain point, I would definitely become an asshole about it.)

237

Time to pull out the lease and read it closely. It sounds to me that the landlord is breaching the lease, and a reasonable remedy would be to stop paying rent until those folks are gone. Take photos and keep notes on what has happened this far and what happens going forward.

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I think that’s the wrong focus here. The problem is that the landlord is taking advantage of his tenant, and facing no consequences for doing so.

A simple, “hey, this is getting out of hand: do you have any plans to rein it in, or should I start looking for a new place?” is a better first step.

Because (1) neighbour wars are ugly, and if a crowd with little to lose starts to feel threatened, they have a lot of room to escalate in an isolated area; (2) the landlord’s only incentive to deal with the situation is the loss of rent, and forcing them onto the defensive before they even perceive the problem with the situation won’t incentivize them to solve it.

(3), moving is probably actually the only available solution—I’m sorry—and you might as well start looking now before you feel forced. It sucks, but you can’t reasonably expect the caravan crew to start behaving well, and there’s probably little a motivated landlord can do in the short term, even if he were so inclined.

239

Well, the landlord/tenant relationship is a business agreement governed by the lease and law. The issue isn’t really the caravan crew but the landlord allowing this to take place despite his responsibility to live up to his part of the lease.

I do agree that moving is the best option (though a pain in the ass), especially if the lease isn’t valid due to the landlord not holding up his end of the agreement. Sounds like an amateur landlord who needs a lesson that a lease works both ways. The landlord seems to be doing everything he can to cater to the caravan crew. If he really wants squatters, he’s doing his best to get them at the expense of a good tenant.

240

Heh. We live on a private road with two other homes, ours being the last. Once or twice a year a salesman will drive up. Whichever house he visits first calls the cops. When the police show up the salesman is either warned or cited for trespass (the road has a big sign).

Along with the trespass ticket, they get cited for going door to door without a permit (required by the town and nobody ever has one). The most recent guy got all pissy with the cop, and the cop kept pushing. Turns out the guy’s car wasn’t insured and he ended up having his car towed.

OP is way more kind and compassionate than we are.