Nature is a very scary place. Scientists say that the only dangerous animal in this island is the mosquito. A ha, sure! Nature is like a crack-whore mother: incomprehensible, abusive, and unforgiving. It will whack you over the head for the slightest mischief. So, I behaved all my life. I don’t litter, pollute the least possible, and just behave like the nice good daughter of an abusive mother.
In my school summer vacations at my grandparents’ somehow I managed not to learn how to milk a cow, ride a horse or feed the chicken. I don’t trust them. “Have you seen how big cows are? And you want me to squeeze their tits? I don’t think so!” I am sure that inside their happy faces and that content grin they were looking at my fragile 7-year old body and saying to themselves “Hmmm… veal”.
So, here I am, at 33. I have been here and there, but so far have not been eaten or maimed. I suppose just by pure luck. And then we bought this place. It has a terrace. It needs plants. Bummer! Plants don’t understand me. Apparently they don’t speak Spanish. I decide that is time we and Nature go to counseling.
I took some classes on how to grow my own potted vegetable garden (my garden is on the 5th floor). Success! Finally, it seems, all these years of behaving like the good kid I am paid off. These edible things mysteriously grown from plants; I just have to water them, feed them, and take care of them. In exchange for a life of slavery I get peppers, celery, mint, eggplants, etc. I would have never thought that’s how it worked.
But them I had to listen to my friend… When will I learn? She and her husband recycle their organic waste via a worm culture. I thought to myself: this is perfect! I won’t have to go down 4 floors to dump my garbage! So I start my own worm culture from worms left over in humus packages that I bought for my plants. So far so good, they grow up and they reproduce… like rabbits. Now there are hundreds of them, small and thin, fat and red, teaming in my culture box, all slimy, ugly and scary.
Today when I was putting fresh food in the box one landed on my arm. My screams echoed throughout the building, scaring away birds and making nervous little dogs crawl under beds and young children cry for their mom. My heart pumped out of rhythm and threatened to give out. I saw death in the face!
Those things are trying to eat ME!