It’s not your problem. Passive-aggressive behaviour is bullshit, and I suggest that you call him on it and start working on why he thinks such destructive behaviour is good for your relationship.
Let me guess, you’re single, right?
It really pushes my buttons when someone disapproves of a harmless hobby. Especially when they make up lies to bolster their case.
Sounds like it’s his idea of making a joke ha-ha. Does he know how thoroughly his little joke irritates you? Does he give a real answer after the joke one?
I’ve known quite a few people who have needed to be hit with enormous clue-by-fours to understand that, say, my brother doesn’t like being told he’s “perfect because he’s a clone of his Dad” and I don’t like being addressed as “the American” or “the girl from Dunkirk” or “[insert here whichever location where I’ve been working lately]”. Otherwise perfectly fine people, but damnit, sometimes a widdle joke hits the mark and sometimes it makes the recipient want to kick the joker into orbit around Saturn (there, go count rings, and when you’re done you can come back and apologize).
Sounds like he is tired of answering the same question over and over and has started giving nonsense answers. Yes it is a passive-aggressive response to the passive aggressive way he is being treated. If you have a time you want to leave, say it rather than making him guess until he gets it right.
Does your conversation go like this?
You: When should we leave?
Him: We should leave at 10:30.
You: But that will make us too late to get popcorn.
Him: Then how about we leave to 9:00?
If so, you are the problem. Either help with the task of picking a time to leave or get out of the way.
That said, my wife makes me pick a time to leave, because I claim she is always late. “Just tell me when you want to leave”, she says. So I tell her a time and she never, ever makes it. It has taken me many years to learn that the way she perceives time is different from me. When I say 9:00, she hears “not before 9:00” so that if she can hit maybe 9:10 she is feeling good. I adjust my times accordingly.
What you’re doing isn’t working for you. So do something different.
Why do you ask him? YOU’RE the one who wants to leave at a certain time, so tell him what time you’re leaving. If you have a preference, STATE IT right out there in front of God and everyone. Don’t try to elicit what you think is the “right answer” by asking an open-ended question.
If you must ask a question, don’t make it open-ended. Say something like, “I want to leave at 10 or 10:30. Which is your choice?”
Another pet peeve of mine in relationships that’s kind of along these lines is when one person says to the other, “Do you want to get something to eat?” when what they REALLY should say is, “I"m hungry. I want to get something to eat. I’m in the mood for a burger. How does that sound to you?”
When you want things to be a certain way, just come out and say so and let the other person respond to your REAL desire, want, intention, agenda. Don’t hide inside of a question and then get irritated when your cue doesn’t produce the line in the script you have written in your head.
No, you shouldn’t have to be so careful and so precise, but you do. So just do it. Come out of hiding and speak your mind.
This is a very easy problem to fix. Don’t ask what time you’re leaving. Ask what time the thing starts, then subtract the time it takes to get there, and then you know what time you’re leaving. I swear some couples just look for things to fight about.
Here’s an incredibly stupid one: I prefer to have a glass that I use. I do this because: a) we use plastic glasses otherwise (to minimize kid-break accidents) and I prefer the feel of glass; b) I don’t like using a glass one time and losing track of it - feels wasteful; and c) well, I just like it this way ;). The glass itself isn’t special, other than looking different so folks know it’s mine - when it breaks (every few years or so) I just get another “my glass.”
When my wife sets the table - not often since I do most cooking and get the kids to do it - she invariably just puts out one of our standard plastic glasses for me.
We’ve been married for 20+ years and my preference for a single glass has been made very clear. Nothing loud - it’s just a glass; but I have certainly made it clear.
At this point, I don’t say anything - to be clear, this is a non-issue IRL. However, I have to wonder - is she passive-aggressively saying “you having ‘your glass’ is stupid” or is she really so in her zone that she simply forgets - every time?
Part of me feels like Sheldon Cooper needing to have “his spot” on the sofa - he’s over-controlling and the problem is his. But, I mean, the glass is right there - a reach away on the counter by the sink.
Long-term relationships - the details can be the devil!
My girlfriend has a coffee cup she likes, I always try to serve her coffee in that cup. I have a bowl I like for salad, she remembers that. Not sure why your wife doesn’t set the glass up but it would irritate me slightly.
Now well into my 2nd divorce from 2 people with… interesting personal quirks, I wish to thank everyone here for their replies which have helped remind me how much I am enjoying being alone.
Truly I appreciate a good relationship - even with it’s quirks and troubles - and I honor all who can maintain one, but every entry has me nodding in remembrance.
To the OP: go ahead and pick the time. If he can’t make it, or wants a different time, the ball is firmly in his court.
Good luck
Sometimes you get bitched at no matter what you do- you get bitched at because you didn’t do it when she wanted, you get bitched at because you didn’t do it how she wanted, or you get bitched at because you didn’t do it at all.
Ultimately, it’s your responsibility, so you should have the freedom to do it how and when you like, and if your spouse is going to bitch at you about that, IMO you have free reign to ignore her about it.
Ergo, they all are. FTR, I work full-time, took three college courses in the spring, played video games and continued most all of my hobbies while scoring straight A’s. It’s all a matter of time management.
As to the OP, I also recommend just picking the time you are leaving and being firm about it. I hate waiting all dressed up too, so I am the time management person.
That’s okay, because I think we gamers generally prefer to be with people who also like video games. You know what they say… the family that slays together…! (My husband and I spent most of the weekend playing Diablo III together.)
My SO and I had to work on this idea in several parts of our lives, most especially where we want to go out for dinner. I seldom have a single “gotta do” answer. Chinese would be good, so would Mexican, but tonight I’m not interested in Indian. So I’d rattle off several places that sounded good, and he’d get annoyed because I wasn’t listing just one. Dude - all of the above sound good. I’m giving you a chance to pick one that sounds good to you too…
Sounds like your husband is doing something similar. He may well not care if you leave 35 or 55 minutes before the movie starts. I’m like that. Give me enough time to arrive on time, and I don’t care if I wait 15 minutes at home or 15 minutes at the other end. So for your own sanity, take ThelmaLou’s advise, and if you have a hard option, state it. If he doesn’t agree, hopefully he will offer another option. You both win.
If you think we’re going somewhere at a certain time, you’d better tell me ahead of time. When and Where. Otherwise I reserve the right to decline to participate. And oh yeah, I can be a hardass about it.
Does computer chess count?
I’ve actually cut back on my gaming (about half), and my wife has INCREASED her complaints that I play too much…what’s up with that? Does she want me to fully quit gaming and feels that if she pushes harder, it’s going work? 
AND…
Out of the blue, my wife blindsides me with this comparison with my brother…
Wife: Your brother always fills up his wife’s car with gas…she never has to ask him.
Me: …And my brother always gets a blow job without asking too. I’m game…are you?
Wife: :eek::o
Now, I don’t mind getting gas in my wife’s car if I am driving it or we are together in her car and I notice it. Just don’t get all hurt that I don’t go every day into the garage at 6:00pm to check your fuel gauge. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU ENCOURAGE POSITIVE BEHAVIOR.
Don’t accuse other posters of being liars in this forum. The Pit is two forums below this one.
Similar story here. My husband would rather I suggest a place. It took me a while to fully understand that he is almost always happy to go with my choice, and that if he wants something else, he’ll speak up. He hates it if I suggest pizza and he agrees, then I say, “Or, I could go for Chinese.” No, no, we already chose.
I agree with what others are suggesting to the OP: state what time you want to leave, and trust your partner to offer a counter-suggestion if he chooses.
Wait… you already know when you’re leaving, yet you’re demanding that he verbalize it for you? That’s controlling behavior on your part, and his only fault is not telling you to stop acting like you’re 15.
If you’re busy with the kids, I don’t understand why the garbage has to go NOW, despite the fact that he’s doing something else already. If it’s that important to you that it be done NOW, then haul your pregnant ass out there and do it yourself. Otherwise, have enough respect for him to let him do it in his own time and don’t expect him to deep everything for your whim. You’ve arbitrarily decided it needs to be done this instant; he’s not the one being passive aggressive if he doesn’t walk away from what he was already doing to comply with your demands.
If the garbage truck is due in the next 15 minutes, then it’s a different story.