God love her, my wife has more patience for me than anyone has the right to ask for. She’s fun, outgoing, damn good looking and a wonderful mom. Now, I know she could write this same post if she were inclined, but she’s not here, so it’s mine.
She narrates her life. As we eat breakfast I get a non-stop, stream of consciousness “ok so, right after i eat I’m going to stack dishes while the dishwasher finishes so I can fold some clothes in the meantime, and get started on the upstairs bathroom. I don’t know when I’ll get a shower in, what time are we leaving to meet the Kid at school? I have to bring all that stuff we’re taking her downstairs so we don’t forget anything, oh don’t forget I have to wash the comforter…”
In an hour, I’ll get the same thing minus what she’s already done, but with the addition of things we have to remember to do this coming week.
ALL THE TIME.
Hon, just do what you have to do, I don’t need to OK your agenda, honest.
She watches the crappiest TV shows. This is not my opinion, it is fact. I swear, if someone made a reality show called “Trump dances with the fattest washed up celebrity while racing around the world with some skinny chick that wants to be a model while an interior designer gambles suitcases with Howie Mandel” - she’d be in hog heaven. 650 channels of Comcast and she knows the four networks and reality TV. And Monk, and Psych. Monk I can bear, what in the hell is attraction with Psych, tell me?
Honey, put your shit away when you come home, because you KNOW that in a week when you look at a pile of stuff you just dropped in the dining room table all week, you’ll only get depressed and tired that now you have to do ALL THAT.
‘‘Oh, well first I have to take a shower, that will probably take 20-27 minutes, then I have to shave, there’s another 5-10, and then I have to eat, that might take 15 or 25 minutes depending on what I decide to cook, so I guess you can expect me sometime between 3:45PM and 3:52… no, make that between 3:48PM and 3:56PM.’’
The single most irritating thing he does is wait until that last minute to use the bathroom. When we are ready to go to a movie, he might have to wait on me a couple of minutes and nag while he waits, but the instant I’m ready to walk out the door he has suddenly got an urgent need to use the bathroom. Or better yet, he’ll wait until we’re already at the theater, he’s waited at my side while my concession order is prepared, and then the moment I’ve got the food and am ready to go, he has to use the bathroom.
He’s also obsessive-compulsive about drinking fountains. So inevitably, following one of these time-sucking bathroom ventures, he MUST stop for a drink at the water fountain. He MUST or the fabric of the space-time continuum will collapse!
After 11 years, I’ve given up on getting my husband to flush after he pees. I nagged for awhile, even found evidence that it’s hard on the porcelain (okay, I made that up), but he just won’t do it. Reminds me of a dog marking its territory. This bathroom is mine, and so is this bathroom, and this one too!
Clear evidence that he knows what the proper thing is, but figures it isn’t worth the trouble if it’s just you and him around. Mine has a tendency to neglect his toe nails. One day, we’re on a trip with friends when he destroyed his shoes and the only replacements available were flip flops. Suddenly, he has a driving need to trim his toe nails. :rolleyes:
I don’t have an SO, but ice chewers make me murderous. An ex-bf used to chew his gum with his mouth open so he could share that lovely fake cinnamon smell with me. He knew it made me think evil thoughts too.
My husband is a movie-talker. He seems to forget that we’re all in the same freakin’ theater he is in, and feels it necessary to narrate whatever is going on. I’ve just about broken him of this habit by threatening to get up and move if he does it. I actually did get up and move once. He’s also amusingly routinized- anything that throws him off of his routine - even something really, really inconsequential - ruins his whole day.
On the other hand, I am a bit of a slob, and I'm sure the pile of shoes at the foot of the bed makes him want to smother me in my sleep with my pillow.
Mine has a giant malfunctioning contrary bone in his head, I think.
There are times, I swear this is true, if I say ‘up’ he says ‘down’, if I say ‘white’, he’ll say ‘black’. It drives me insane. Sometimes I point it out to him and he just smiles! Should I venture an opinion on how we should accomplish something, rest assured, we will be doing it the exact opposite way.
One of life’s most difficult lessons, for me, was that you can’t push a rope!
Hard of hearing. I know hearing aids have their drawbacks, but it’s annoying to have to come into the same room, get his attention, and speak directly at him so he can also read my lips.
Doesn’t want to use serving utensils. Yeah, I know I’m not going to get any diseases from you from your sticking your own fork into the serving plate at dinner. But it’s so much more polite to use the dam serving utensil. Otherwise, why not just have one common trough in the middle of the table that we all eat out of?
I heard that before, the last time we talked about it. Remember? The last time you saw or heard an ad for “X” and we discussed it and decided that wasn’t a good move. Six months ago. I do NOT need to go over that again.
All in all, very petty, considering all the good parts!
#3 might not be so petty. My first husband got a hearing aid after about 15 years of “Huh? What did you say?”. Before he got the aid, he was excluded from lots of conversation because it was just too much trouble to repeat everything to him. He finally realized he was missing out – it made life easier for everyone.
My ex wife used to tell me that I would be easy to kill, ( I think she was kidding ) because I had the same routine everyday. Take a leak, feed the fish, make coffee, get the newspaper off of the driveway etc…
She commented that I laid my toothbrush on the bathroom sink in the same spot every single time.
All of this is true but why is a routine a bad thing? Saving time and no brain use in the morning is a good thing, right?
My SO also feels the need to detail every mundane thing that’s happened that day or she plans to do in the near future. I also get to hear about what Britney Spears/Paris Hilton is up to if I’m lucky. I zone out a lot.
Also, bad taste in everything. Sounds snobbish, but it’s true. Case in point, when we saw the trailer for “Meet the Spartans” I thought “oh man that movies looks absolutely terrible,” but she on the other hand tells me “that looks really funny.” Yeah a Britney Spears reference, comedy GOLD.
He likes to pop my zits and squeeze my blackheads. I do not enjoy this since most of the time it hurts. But once he finds something he wants to squeeze, he will not leave me alone about it until I either give in and let him squeeze it or manage to distract him.
He also makes me make him coffee every morning. I don’t drink coffee, so I don’t think I should be the one to make it, but apparently it’s my job since I usually wake up before he does. He also expects me to be his alarm clock, since he sleeps through the actual alarm. (This is actually sort of a blessing in disguise, since it means I can set the alarm for waaaaaay before I need to get up, and keep hitting the snooze button every 9 minutes until I REALLY need to get out of bed. I know a lot of people hate that, but my SO doesn’t even wake up!)
I think I’m married to his long lost sister. Plus just for extra fun she takes a pin or needle to my razor bumps.
She’s also a neat freak. If I leave a glass of water unattended for more that 5 minutes, it’s off to the dishwater. She stacks the paper as I’m reading it. I’m scared to sit still for more than 20 minutes, I might get vacumed.
-My husband must vocalize every thought. “I don’t know why I’m wearing this coat since it’s warm out I was going to take it off when I was inside and put on my fleece but I forgot I don’t know why . . .”
Just pick a coat babes and stop talking about it before I die.
-He also asks almost every question twice in two different ways even when I answered the first question. He asks in a way that sounds like he disbelieves my first answer.
Him: Did you read this book? (showing me the book at the store)
Him: You read Title of Book? (in a shocked tone)
-He gets sidetracked on tangents while telling me stories. He’ll start telling me about some interesting thing that happened and get stuck in a loop of trying to remember some detail that doesn’t have anything to do with the story. Meanwhile I’ll be waiting to see what happened to his friend when he hit the deer while riding his motorcycle while my husband is trying to remember where he was with this friend the time they ate the best steak ever.
-He talks at a normal volume unless I’m a little outside of hearing range and then he’ll turn his back to me and mumble.
-He loves to state the obvious. The other day we were talking about the advantages of a job my son was trying to get. I said that it was a job where he would get training in a variety of areas so he might find a new interest. My husband said “If they hire him”. Of course if they hire him, they’re not going to train him if they don’t. The whole conversation was about if they hired him. Plus he interrupted me to say that.
Yes, 90% of our arguments are about our differences in communicating styles.