- Leaving so soon?
- When chewing out someone over the phone-don’t do it over the speaker. We can hear you up and down the hallway.
- After helping yourself to a cup of coffee in my office, the least you can do is wash your dirty cup.
- When I have my office door closed, it is for a reason. Use a little common courtesy and knock before coming in. Don’t just use your key.
- Don’t carry your cell phone around so that you can receive personal calls. I sets a bed example.
- Don’t use the company car to take your dog to the vet.
I once asked if they could be more precise with my time schedule and I got fired.
Things I’d say:
Vacation and sick time come with the job. They are there for a reason. They are meant to be used, and in this office, people use them carefully. When someone in this office is out sick or takes a day off, it is not a matter of them being irresponsible or deliberately inconveniencing the office.
You are extremely frugal all year and an excellent steward of our budget. Doesn’t that leave room for you to be a little generous when it comes to paying for professional development?
When you spend salary money to bribe burned-out, gripey people out of leaving, it doesn’t send a very nice message to everyone else. Pay attention to what a bad apple can do to office morale; don’t give them things denied the rest of us in an effort to turn them around.
My turn:
STOP WHINING!! For the love of all that’s holy, you are driving my insane!
Yes you were made Ombudsman and someone else got the cushy boss job. IT WAS 2 YEARS AGO! Get over it! You still get boss money so SHUT UP! Does it even matter now? Does the whining ever solve anything?
Stop it :mad: Stop it :mad: Stop it :mad: Stop it :mad: Stop it :mad: Stop it :mad: !!
I think you’re in love with the sound of your own sniveling.
It’s enough to make the Baby Jesus cry… or smite you into a little steaming pile of man pulp.
Thing I would’ve said:
So once upon a time, you had a job that required two people, who did their job well. You treated them like crap and they changed positions. Now this same exact job requires a constantly rotating staff of 5-8 people who never actually get the job done and fall more behind every week. Does this make sense to you?
I didn’t sign up to be an inmate on Cell Block C. If you really want to be a prison warden, stop walking around here every 3 minutes checking up on people and go apply downtown at the local jail.
For the love of GOD, let me do something to help you!
You’re working yourself to death, with your own plate full, and you keep taking work from the marketing director that she could do just fine.
I’m your secretary, and half the time I have only the tiniest of things to do. I have to stretch out what small tasks that I DO have to make them last the day.
RELAX. LET GO. TAKE SOME DEEP BREATHS. STOP IT.
Things I would like to say to my boss and still keep my job.
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I think it is unfair that everytime Chip travels he takes off an extra day off to hang out with his family. That is what “vacation days are for”
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Chip has used all his vacation days. Why do you treat him to “personal days off too?”
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Why is it if the guys come late that is ok but if I come late I have to make up my time?
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Just cause I eat my lunch at my desk doesn’t mean that I should be expected to take less of a lunchtime. You guys take an hour and I am entitled to one also.
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Why is it that you expect me to use my “vacation days” to take a dr. appointmnet or dentist appointement yet the guys not only take time off (without making it up) but abuse the time by taking AT LEAST a half day off each time they have an appointment.
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Why is it ok for the guys to leave early to run errands (they have wives) but me (the single parent) has to pay dearly for doing such a thing?
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Why is it that you feel you own a special spot in the parking lot? If there is a front row space available why can’t I take it? Why do you feel it should be reserved for you? Your name’s not on it!
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When you want your dang travel arrangements made how about THINKING about the plans before making me spend an hour constructing them only to have you have me change them ten times!
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Yes I sometimes leave a half hour early when you are out of town. My favorite celebrity show comes on the radio at 4:30 and I miss not being able to hear it!
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When I call in “sick” I shouldn’t have to give you the run down of “what is wrong with me and what my syptoms are” Just trust me that I am sick. And yes sometimes a “mental health day” is considered a “sick day” in my book.
Look, you’re the best boss any of us have ever had, but me and the other guys would greatly appreciate it if you’d start wearing more revealing clothes.
Seriously.
Hell yea. I called those “I can’t deal with all that crap today” days.
I worked with a guy who asked if he could have the office of the guy who just quit and he got fired. It was kind of sad but also kind of funny.
Shut up and have another beer. I’m trying to work here.
Actually, I did say that to him once, and he took me up on it.
You guys all need to watch Office Space.
I have a nice shiny red Swingline stapler and it makes me happy.
If you bothered to travel 2000 miles to meet with one of the customers in my area, it would have been nice if you had scheduled 10 minutes to talk to me too.
(My bosses boss came into town, and didn’t even stop by to introduce himself. I’ve still never met him.)
“Hey Frank, why don’t you pour yourself a tall frosty glass of Shut the Fuck Up. That’s right, Shut the Fuck Up. No one wants to hear yet another pointless and inappropriate analogy from your personal life. We simply don’t care. Your stories are stupid, your jokes aren’t funny and most of what you say doesn’t make any fucking sense.”
“You are a bug-eyed, potbellied hypocrit with a molesterstach and everyone here things you’re a huge joke. Don’t threaten to fire the staff for gossiping when you spend more than half your day doing the same thing. Hell the only reason why people started gossiping around here is because you provide so much comic material for us talk about.”
"Stop coming into my office to tell me that you’re ‘going to take a whiz then come right back.’ Just do your business and then come back to talk. It’s not like I was waiting for you, or even want to talk with you anyway. "
“SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME GET BACK TO WORK.”
“Just because you have poor time management skills and have to put in ten hour days to do four hours work doesn’t mean that the rest of need to work late too.”
“If I ever catch you trying to fob off the blame for one of your own fuck ups onto a person I supervise again I’m going shove a keyboard up your ass.” *
Those are the things I’d like to say to my boss right now, and not loose my job as a result. Can you tell it’s been a rough week? At least I don’t have to worry about him reading anything posted here, he’d avoid a forum dedicated to fighting ignorance like the plague.
- this one I’d like to shout at him while beating him in the face with my shoe actually. He tried to blame my assistant for his fuckup right in front of me while we were in a meeting with his boss. I corrected him, politely but I really wanted to hit him. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been that angry at another person.
“You may think you’re fooling the upper management into thinking we’re up to date by having us put top priority on the orders queued on the computer, but I know that your manager comes down every day and pokes through the paperwork and knows we’re a week behind on that.”
You are the best! You are beautiful, gracious, and kind. We never argue and you always listen to my thoughts and feelings.
When it’s time to work hard, you bust your butt. On the other hand, you allow time for leisurely reading or snacking.
I love you!
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(I own my own business)
Why do you crack down on your exempt staff but cower and acquiesce with whatever “DD” the quality drone slaps out about our reps? She does not belong in our conference calls, she is rude and bitter.
Please tell us know if our jobs are in danger-we see downsizing in the internal department- is it externals day to clean house anytime soon?
Why did you sleep with your subordinate and get her pregnant? You lost your chance to prove to the powers that be that you are talented, responsible and respected. We all know that she doesnt love you and she is making your life miserable. We see it in your face and hear it occasionally in your responses. You push and pull with all of us and you’re starting to confuse the new people. One day you want to brainstorm with us and the next you delegate through the ranks rather than lower yourself to talk to us.
I live that movie here at work all the time.
But then, you knew that, didn’t you? 
One I did say (It wasn’t to my own boss but to another with ‘boundary issues’):
He already had a commitment from me, and he’d asked my twice if I was really going to do it, and I’m answering again:
Mary: Yes, what I’m doing is–
Walt: Asks again in demanding tone
Mary: Walt, it’s five after 5:00, and you aren’t a supervisor any more! What I’m going to do right now, I’m going to the restroom. (steps back to desk) And I’m taking this book!
Walt: opens mouth, nothing comes out
Walt’s surrounding direct reports: bottled up snorts
Mary disappears.