It is important to laugh while you can, Monkey Boy!
If you handcuff someone to their car, they’ll try to cut though the car before they cut through themselves.
Oh, and two men enter, one man leaves, thus sayeth the Tina Turner
There are no fat people in the future ( except Jabba the Hut.)
Living on Mars under poorly-constructed domes will leave you vulnerable to cosmic rays which cause birth defects, mutations and dwarf prostitutes with 3 breasts. There used to be life on Mars. Intelligent life, in fact. They set up the equipment to terraform mars with an earth-like atmosphere. This equipment will run automatically, but the government (or the evil corporation, or maybe just Michael Ironside) will keep it a secret. If you are outside on Mars while the terraforming process happens, your eyes will bulge, your tongue will poke out and you’ll look like a frog.
BTW, it IS 1.21 gigawatts. Thanks for correcting me on that. I don’t want to go naked on my time travels.
There are more than prices being slashed at…THE CHOPPING MALL! (Best. tagline. ever.)
My trifecta of John Carpenter lessons:
If Rowdy Roddy Piper wants you to put on some sunglasses, save yourself some grief (and the awesomest fight scene ever filmed) and put on the freakin’ sunglasses already.
Never turn your back on Kurt Russell when he has a bat with nails in.
Light’s green, you can go now (technically, more camp-horror than sci-fi - sue me).
Don’t mock the corporate VP in the executive bathroom.
Make sure my killer robot can handle stairs.
I’m surprised that no one has remembered this important wisdom:
Be excellent to each other.
As true now as it was then.
If a crazy Russian scientist tells you the freakish weather is being caused by an evil empire from outer space, get in the rocket. 'Cause the Princess is smoking hot and the rocketcycles are damn cool.
Does Real Genius count as sci-fi? Because I learned a lot from that movie.
Or via phonebooth.
The most sought after vehicle in a future where you have to stop in the middle of a car chase to sponge up the spilled gas from crashed vehicles is a supercharged V-8 Ford Falcon “Police Intercepter”. Because nothing says conservation like a supercharged V-8 engine.
Damn it Cohaggan! Does people need air!!
In case of trouble you should GET TO DA CHOPPA!!
Aliens don’t screw each other over for a percentage.
The best way to bring peace is to stick two mortal enemies together on a hostile planet.
We are all animals.
Do. Or do not. There is no “try”.
The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one.
(IOW Vulcan’s don’t read Ayn Rand).
You are one ugly mother fucker.
Maybe they do, but you don’t see it 
They mostly come at night… mostly.
Just because you couldn’t cut it to be recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan armada, doesn’t mean the rest of us didn’t do our part! 
and sometimes aliens look like giant talking turds…who eat reese’s pieces.
…or Police Boxes. With hot, winey american women.
(ok. more TV, but sci-fi)
Or at least mahouts with mallets will most likely survive. 
Well, unless it’s not armour they’re wearing, but simply a uniform.
Always… no, no… never… forget to check your references.
It is amazingly easy for some kid with a dial up modem to log into his schools computer (which for some reason is connected to an internet in the early eighties) and change his grades. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve no doubt that there was a period in the mid nineties when careless school administrators left their unprotected files connected, but in the early eighties why was it connected to the internet in the first place? Was there even an internet then?
Also, computers that control nuclear launch codes are connected and protected by a mere password that could easily be guessed at. Although in light of the helicopter fiasco, it seems they more or less got it right.
Actually maybe both aren’t that unlikely. If both the student and the administrators computer regularly logged onto some USENET server or whatever they used back then, perhaps the student could find a weakness and exploit it.
The three hottest investment picks that’ll pay off in 30 years just in time for your retirement:
- Spandex factories
- Muscle shirt factories
- Android factories, but first make sure the president of the company is a raging sociopath.
Statisically speaking, you have a greater chance of being either saved, shot, or beaten up by Kurt Russell than you do of having nostrils.
Yuppies will eventually rule the world, and if you think they’ll fuck up the environment, just wait until you see what they do to popular music.
Does Reanimator count as sci-fi? It does? Sweet. When the weird medical student no one likes applies to be your housemate and begins by weirding out your girlfriend and ends by telling you that your basement is “perfect,” then it doesn’t matter if he has the first month’s rent cash in hand. Just start tasering him in the nuts until he takes the hint and leaves.
Friends don’t let friends drink and teleport. Not even if the monkey did it first.
Chewing tobacco will make you a goddamn sexual Tyrannosaurus. Just like me.
Pfft, the British understood that as far back as the 1960s
Don’t assume a user will die so easily in the games.