Things I learned from Monster Movies

Cafe Society
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1.) You can kill a Giant Floating Brain by hitting it with a baseball bat on the Fissure of Rolando (The Brain from Planet Arous)

2.) You can dissolve a Giant Radioactive Reptile by immersing it in water charged with Oxygen Destroyer (Pat. Pending, Sarizawa) (Gojira/Godzilla – 1956 version only)

3.) A torpedo filled with radium will also kill a Giant Radioactive Reptile (The Giant Behemoth/Behemoth the Sea Monster)

4.) In a pinch, you can build a hydrogen bomb out of plastic belts (The Cape Canaveral Monsters)

5.) You can disintegrate sea monsters made of corpses mixed with atomic waste by using a little sodium (you’d expect potassium , rubidium , and other alkali metals to do a good job, too, but the film doesn’t mention them) (The Horror of Party Beach)

6.) You can freeze inconvenient blob monsters with a freezer or ice rink or, in a pinch, using carbon dioxide fire extinguishers (The Blob (both versions), Beware the Blob)

7.) The best way to get rid of pesky alien monsters infesting your spaceship’s air ducts is to simply open the airlocks. If the lack of oxygen doesn’t kill them, they’ll get sucked out into space. Be sure to put ion your spacesuit first, and lock yourself down. (It! The Terror from Beyond Space, Alien, Aliens)

8.) If you’re having a lot of trouble with something, try dousing it with water. This sometimes works surprisingly well, although you may have to mix in some salt. Don’t try with Gremlins, though. (*The Wizard of Oz, Day of the Triffids (1964 version only), The Monolith Monsters)

9.) Ultrasound can do wonders for stubborn, hard to destroy Things from Outer Space ( Invisible Invaders, Target Earth, Earth Vs. the Flying Saucers, The Angry Red Planet)

10.) Some Things from Outer Space are very susceptible to being electrocuted, though (The Thing – 1951 version – Little Shop of Horrors --1987 version only)

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11.) Sometimes all you need to eliminate a peoblem is to throw a little light on the subject (Invasion of the Saucer Men, Attack of the Eye Creatures, Pitch Black)

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Addenda to 8 – The Devil’s Rain, The Curse of the Faceless Man

And, of course, to #11 you can add a whole stack of vampire movies. And The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

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To avoid being killed immediately, and merely taken captive, wear a bathing suit. (Creature From The Black Lagoon)

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Japan’s weapon of choice are satellite dishes that shoot lightning bolts.

If you have a monster attacking your City, the best solution is to find a bigger monster to fight it.

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That first one is The Mysterians, of course, although they used something similar to burn the cocoon in Mothra.

The second one has a long history, starting with Gigantis, the Fire Monster/Godzilla Raids Again.

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If you’re female, often you can simply just faint and the monster will simply carry you off in its arms. That was such a trope that Famous Monsters of Filmland did an entire (illustrated) article on it. And there’s a TV Trppe page devoted to it ( Touch of the Monster - TV Tropes )

I’m not sure I’d rely on it in these jaded times. In Dragonslayer, the Princess who fainted ended up getting eaten. And that film was released by Disney!

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Just a note: I didn’t need monster movies to tell me that I can destroy things by crushing them in a hydraulic press, shooting them, burning them to a crisp, blowing them up with various explosives, or (at the far end of the scale) nuking them. we’re looking for unusual things we learned from the films, like

15.) You can make Martians’ heads explode by exposing them to heavy doses of Slim Whitman music (Mars Attacks, of course)

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Some monsters need an iron rich diet. A very iron rich diet.

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Addendum to (8) -> Signs (2002) Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix able to deal with the alien menace quite well with tap water.

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As a corollary, a revived mummy whose right arm is normally paralyzed and held uselessly against his chest will suddenly regain the use of said arm when it becomes necessary to carry off a swooning heroine in a diaphanous nightgown (Any of the Lon Chaney, Jr. Mummy films).

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You can simply pull off their masks…Like those pesky teens and Scooby Doo!

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Watch where you’re running and don’t trip.

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Didn’t Steve March use an axe in the climactic battle of the brain?

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19.) If a Monster is bigger and stronger than you, you can use a machine or climb into a powered suit to fight it (Dinosaurus, Aliens, Pacific Rim)

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They are called Markolites.
If you are dealing with a monster feeding off electricity, call in the Radio Squad and borrow some totally bitchin’ stock footage from a more prestigious German film in order to destroy it (The Magnetic Monster).

When encountering alien life forms, always treat them as cute, harmless little buggers before they attack you (Prometheus; Alive, etc.)

Upon capturing a giant monster, best to make sure it doesn’t have an even bigger mom who’s gonna be mighty PO’ed (Gorgo).

When twin fairies say “Give us back our egg,” give them back their motherfuckin’ egg (Mothra).

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You CANNOT stop a giant monster attacking your city by having him blunder into high tension power lines.

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If the monster is from Venus you can use good ole fashioned bullets.

20 Million Miles to Earth

Or according to MST3k John Agar

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You can be a typical 50’s woman with red lipstick, pointy bra, and short bangs, and if you wear glasses, you can sometimes actually be a SCIENTIST. Yes, you can have a MAN’s job! This will make the male leader of the crew heading out to investigate a movie monster fall in love with you and give you his grudging respect. (Amazingly enough, some women can be taught to do a man’s scientist job, like a dog walking on its hind legs, it may not be done as well as you would hope, but the fact is, it is being done at all!)

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The best way to kill a monster is to go over budget.