In a running gunfight, cops will always hit the bad guy with a snub-nose .38 even at distances of 100 yards, while the bad guy will invariably miss with every shot.
lol like in any and all murder she wrote episodes?
There may come a time when you have to turn in your badge. But don’t let that get you down - once you crack that case, you’ll be back in everyone’s good graces!
Oh, and speaking of “that case”, you’ll be happy to know that you only have to handle one case at a time. It might be weeks or months before it’s over, but don’t despair, because there won’t be any other cases that might distract you.
Oh, and more good news! You’ll never have to worry about needing a ride - you can just stop any person who is driving and commandeer their car. I recommend you look for a two door.
Always underestimate disheveled-looking detectives in overcoats who go on tangents about their wives.
Internal Affairs are basically the Gestapo, they will do whatever it takes to get a good cop fired and have a 100% success rate.
Always keep your eye on the sparrow.
Especially…you know…
Jurisdiction extends to wherever the crime/criminals may take you. Criminals fleeing from NYC to NJ? No problem! Just follow them down the turnpike and start blasting once you catch up to them! The locals won’t mind! In fact, they won’t even show up!
Similarly, NCIS agents can get involved in any situation involving espionage and any situation where someone has even slightly brushed up against the US Navy in any way whatsoever. Did you take your dog for a walk past Pearl Harbor? Did your dog pee on the bushes there? That makes NCIS the lead investigators! Are you wearing a Navy blue shirt? NCIS will handle this one! Did you step in a puddle from rainwater that originated anywhere near the Pacific Ocean? That’s NCIS jurisdiction right there!
There is no such thing as paperwork. When a cop tells you they have “paperwork” to do, they are actually getting drunk by themselves.
As a detective you just have to start asking questions and it’s inevitable you are going to solve a decades old cold case. It doesn’t matter if the case was from 50 years ago, everyone involved is not just still living but living in the neighborhood and has perfect recall of the events. You’re not going to solve maybe one cold case in your career if you are lucky. No, you are going to solve 156 cold case murders over 7 years.
Ok that one might have been too specific to one show.
My favorite example of jurisdiction is in Law and Order SVU where a suspected human sex trafficking case actually winds up being somebody smuggling exotic animals into New York City, so instead of investigating actual rape cases SVU decides to pivot to take down some animal smugglers.
Or Castle. Or Elementary. Or Fringe. Or Limitless. Or Lucifer. Or Medium. Or The Mentalist. Or Monk. Or Psych. Or White Collar.
When you spot your suspect, make sure you yell: “Stop! Mt Stupid Police and Auxiliary Doughtnut Club!” from 150 feet away so you can then chase the suspect for another 500 yards. Because, yelling, “Stop! Police!” from ten feet away isn’t so dramatic.
The female CSI officers in CSI: Miami all wear stilettos and white designer pants at work. Yet, they somehow stay perfectly clean at bloody crime scenes.
The suspect is custody, you have them literally in your hands as you take them to the police vehicle. It’s a good time to discuss personal issues with your partner.
You’re trained to always aim at the center of mass when firing your weapon at a suspect, even when the suspect is hiding behind a car door. Yet, the suspect’s feet and ankles are clearly exposed and vulnerable.
New York City cops are almost always on the take so the police union will defend them no matter what.
I was aware the NCIS existed before the show came out, but I would have honestly been hard pressed to tell you their name. I’m always amazed on that show when they interview some random civilian and tell them they’re NCIS. I don’t know if I ever saw an episode where someone said, “Who the hell are you guys?” I realize most episodes are in towns with a strong navy/marine presence, but everybody knows who they are?
If you don’t feel good, have a funeral to attend, or just need some rest you are totally screwed.
Cops do not get paid sick or vacation days, comp time, bereavement time, nor personal days.
If you are involved in a shooting just holster your weapon and write a report. Regardless if the perp lives or dies you are not going to have your pistol taken into evidence, required to take a drug/alcohol test, and be incessantly interviewed by IA and other investigators. Nor will you be required to talk to a counselor for several sessions.
ehh depends on the era …
Car doors are not actually much of an obstacle for bullets.
If you work in SVU, it’s fine to:
- threaten and beat up suspects in custody (Detective Stabler gives the masterclass)
- interfere in an investigation of a crime against your family, despite your Captain telling you to go home (Detective Stabler again)
- conceal murder suspects in your home because you have had a relationship with them (Supervisor Benson)
Detectives and CSIs are human databases of information.
(Looking at tire tracks in mud): “That tread pattern is from a tire that’s standard issue for Ford Broncos. From the wheelbase width, I’d say a 2016 model. From the depth of the track, clearly a 5L V8 engine. White paint job, because the titanium pigment in white is slightly heavier than other color pigments.”
They are also master psychological manipulators. Know that your suspect did it, but don’t have quite enough evidence to take to the D.A.? No problem. Figure out their psychological weakness, and act accordingly.
(To suspect who thinks they’re smarter than everyone else) “Cut suspect loose-- they don’t have the brains to have planned and carried out a crime like this.”
(To suspect who has daddy issues) “We interviewed the suspect’s father, who says the suspect doesn’t have the brains to have planned and carried out a crime like this.”
Suspect: Oh yeah?!? I did it! I confess, and I can prove I did it!! Who’s the dummy now?
If you are sitting in a parked car, you are completely invisible. You can sit as long as you like, watching whatever you like. It’s fine. Nobody can see you.
If you’re the bad guy, don’t point the gun at your hostage. Hold it in front of their face.
Whenever questioned by police, never ever under any circumstances
- Leave if free to do so
- Invoke your right to remain silent
- Ask for an attorney