If you kill someone on the streets, go ahead and steal the watch, cash, phone etc. Dump it all sure, (except maybe the cash, and maybe someone will find the wallet , use the cards, and be the suspect). That way “it is a mugging gone wrong”.
It is okay to fire at a fleeing suspect in a crowded venue. No need to worry about hitting innocent bystanders.
When someone is pointing a gun at you threatening to shoot you it’s the perfect time to point your gun at them and engage in a long conversation about their plans.
If you’re a lone cop seeing one or more bad guys entering a darkened warehouse with multiple hiding places, don’t bother to wait or even call for backup before continuing pursuit, that’s just a waste of time.
Yep. this one pisses me off. Goes against all training, which even I , a mostly desk guy, had to take. Call it in. Now, sure if there is screaming or gunshots you maybe can’t wait, but otherwise- wait.
If a bad guy is holding an innocent person at gunpoint, the best thing for you to do is drop your gun, since losing absolutely all leverage is the best way to end a hostage situation.
If you want to get away with a crime, make sure you’re the first one the cops interview. It’s never (wink, wink) the first guy.
Never zoom in or enhance until someone looking over your shoulder suggests it.
Always bring donuts to distract the evidence room clerk.
On your last day before retirement, lock yourself in your house and do not, repeat do not, go to work.
It’s totally okay if you don’t have the Miranda rights memorized–just wing it.
You don’t have to worry about finding witnesses–there’s always security footage from somewhere.
Tripler
Oh, and you don’t have to reload in a sustained gunfight–just wish you don’t run dry.
Evidence doesn’t matter - just say to the crim ‘You did it because you didn’t like the boss’, and he will launch into a full confession/justification rant detailing every single facet of the crime he committed.
In front of the judge and jury.
If you discover that someone is about to be murdered halfway across the city under no circumstances do you radio or call to get some of the thousands of other cops on your department to go save the victim. Who knows, a couple of them might be on the same block. That’s just a waste of time. Instead head down to the street, find your car, drive all the way across town and save the victim in the nick of time.
While your at it just pretend cell phones don’t exist.
While you’re at it just blurt out the Miranda Warnings randomly at times that are not required by law and don’t even make sense.
Don’t worry about the police detective assigned to the crime you committed. The one you have to watch out for is the civilian who hangs out with the detective while they’re working.
If you’re at work and two cops show up to discuss the fact that your friend or colleague was found horribly murdered, on no account stop what you’re doing. Just continue loading your van / stacking chairs / polishing glasses while you talk to them.
True story. It happened to a an officer in another agency that I knew. This was at a Miranda hearing to determine if the accused statements were admissible.
Defense Lawyer: Did you read my client his Miranda warnings?
Cop: I advised him of his rights
DL: But did you read the warnings?
Cop: No. I recited them. I have done so hundreds of times. I know them by heart
DL: Oh really. Can you recite them now?
Cop: Sure. (goes on to omit the part about having an attorney provided if he can’t afford
one)
DL: That’s what you recited to my client? Are you sure?
Cop: Absolutely.
DL: Your Honor?
Judge: The statements are excluded
The thing is, the cop probably got it right at the time but choked under pressure. I always read from a card or form, as trained. That way there can be no mistakes.
What I learned was there is always DNA or fingerprint evidence and those results are available in minutes. I don’t know how I missed this when I was still working.
From watching TV cop shows, I know “inadmissible” means “the lawyer absolutely gets to say it, as long as he then shows both palms and says ‘withdrawn’.”
Police Dept employment rules are very lax. You can tell your boss off, slam your badge down on his desk, quit and walk out, but everything will end up fine. And you can do it again next week.
If you find a bag containing an unknown white powdery substance, you should cut it open and taste it.