I remember seeing Peter Pan on TV (the Mary Martin version) when i was young enough to think that rubbing soap on your shadow to make it stick was a good household hint.
I remember my folks saying we were going for a drive in the mountains and wondering how the car would drive on top of the trees.
I remember one of my sister’s friends telling me that all Good Humor men were missing fingers (well, our local one was, so extrapolate…)
I remember thinking the candidate who got the most votes was elected president.
My other brother, Ryan, told me all about the 6 Star Wars movies, and that the first three were direct-to-video movies and weren’t very good (he was confused about the Episode IV thing.)
My mom thought it would be a good idea for me to attend a youth/church/workshop kinda thing. My oldest brother, Dustin, four years older than me, told me how to be cool and how to make friends and meet girls while I was there. He slicked my hair back and put a Burger King crown on me, and gave me a kinda frontal rat tail thing. He told me to tell everybody my name was King Squigy. I had even seen a few episodes of Laverne and Shirley, so I even did the voice. I spent a whole class like that. They weren’t too upset when I didn’t come back.
Dustin and Ryan also crushed a bunch of granulated sugar up with a hammer and made me snort it. And made me drink a jar of pickle juice to get into their club. And, when we played ‘Comando’ and got dressed up in cammo and put shoe polish on our faces and everything, Dustin would do my face paint. I spent the whole day playing with ‘Dipshit’ in shoepolish on my forehead.
So when I was a kid, I believed my older brothers weren’t complete assholes.
In preschool I thought that the final number was 20, and that any number above it didn’t really exist. I would vehemently argue this.
I thought that giving people the Middle Finger meant that you told the devil you wanted him to take their soul. I also thought the finger was supposed to be pointed directly at people.
People found out that Earth spins by twirling around and getting dizzy.
I believed everything worked in strict hierarchies. The President had an election every 4 years, with a maximum term of 8 years, so vice-presidents were every 3 years (max.6), governors every 2 (4), and mayors 1 (2).
I could steer my farts with a great deal of precision.
Foreign languages worked like cryptograms. Replace H with V, J with R, etc., and you could turn English into French. Learning a language was just a matter learning the right code.
People who spoke foreign languages still did all their thinking in English.
People with the same last name had to be related. People with the same first names were also linked somehow, but I was still fuzzy on that point.
I could see Europe from the beach in Massachusetts.
This is all a dream. Right now I’m at some point in my life dreaming about a life. When I die, I’ll wake up, go though a day, go to sleep, and live another life. When I die in real life… I dunno. I never thought it our that far.
Wow, Wolfian. It’s like The Maxx. When I go to sleep in this life, I’ll wake up in the Australian Outback anf fight Iszes and defend the Outback Queen.
I used to think NASCAR drivers welded themselves into thier cars and lived in there. The Dukes of Hazard just found out how to climb in and out of their car through the window.
Ooh!
You know car blinkers, how you can see a light in the shape of an arrow on the dashboard when you turn them on? I used to think that was the car telling you where to go, rather than simply that the blinnkers are working. I thought you just said to the car “we’re going to Horry’s place” and it used the blinkers to point you the way!
Hey, it made sense to me, ok?
I too, thought that cartoon were real; not the characters, but the filming. I thought it was done with actors operating wooden Care Bears or whatever on a stage. Don’t ask me why!
I also thought ALL TV was made live. Even cartoons!
When I was little (really little, okay? :D), I thought that the universe was a whole bunch of layers. It started with this Earth, then a layer of sky, then a layer of space, then heaven, and then (for whatever odd reason) a really thick brick wall. Then the next layer was another Earth, another sky, another space, another heaven, another brick wall, and so on. The universe was one big metaphysical jawbreaker.
I also remember watching Star Trek, and I asked my mom, “how do they not bump into the stars?” Because on the screen, they were little dots that were only a few yards at most from each other, and I knew that you couldn’t ever get near the sun or you’d die, so it seemed very dangerous to be cruising space with such a huge ship with all those stars close together!
I also thought that the car blinkers were directions for the driver to follow. I figured that my dad (when I wasn’t looking) had fed the computer (the tape player) a piece of paper with a map on it.
When I was little, we used to drive all over the country because my dad was big on roadtrips. I would lay in the backseat and look out at the sky through the windows and wherever we went, the sun would follow. I put two and two together and realized that I, and I alone, controlled the sun.
I also thought that the car blinkers were directions for the driver to follow. I figured that my dad (when I wasn’t looking) had fed the computer (the tape player) a piece of paper with a map on it.
When I was little, we used to drive all over the country because my dad was big on roadtrips. I would lay in the backseat and look out at the sky through the windows and wherever we went, the sun would follow. I put two and two together and realized that I, and I alone, controlled the sun.
I used to think that ‘coloured’ people would be bright blue or green. I knew there were coloured kids at my school, I overheared adults mentioning them, I just couldn’t seem to find them in the playground.
I also thought that ‘strangers’ had to be really strange. Upside down heads or something. No way was I going to accept candy from one of those!
Oh, yeah, I also believed that people in Japan, China, and Australia walked upside down! And that if I dug a hole deep enough, I’d fall through the earth and land in China and walk upside down, too.
I used to believe that dangerous stunts in movies were performed by criminals who had been caught and condemned to death. When the car crashed and exploded, the prisoner was killed. I have no idea where I got this theory.
Oh, and I just wanted to point out that Johnre registered in June 2001 but just used his first post in this thread. That may well be an all-time lurking record.
