Yeah, little kids can be dumb sometimes, and somehow come up with some wierd ideas. Myself, I somehow got the idea that police cars were never allowed to drive more than 15 mph. I also thought that “guts” meant the muscles required for walking, from the joke “Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? Didn’t have the guts.” Also, while watching a Bugs Bunny cartoon or something, I heard the line “He’s got a five o’clock shadow, and it’s only three o’clock!” I didn’t know what a five o’clock shadow was, but I did know that actual shadows got longer later in the day. So, I figured that Bugs meant that this particular fellow was really tall, big, and therefore tough, since his shadow at three o’clock looked like a normal person’s at five o’clock. So I totally misunderstood the meaning of this statement, but still got the point.
Damnit, I posted this in the wrong forum somehow. This should be in IMHO or MPSIMS, could some kind moderator please move this and absolve my shame?
When I was a very young, good Catholic, I thought the various bells during Mass were ringing from the heavens. I was a very disillusioned altar boy when I was told one of my duties was to ring the bell during the blessing of the sacraments.
Russell
I thought a stomach had different compartments
for different foods, and mixing foods gave
you stomachaches. It lead to my eating all
foods separately one-by-one, which I do
to this day.
Off to MPSIMS at the OP’s request.
I thought that the laughter you heard on TV was from the other households all over the U.S. laughing at the same parts. I didn’t know about studio audiences or laugh tracks. I just noticed that when my parents laughed, I heard other laughter too. I wasn’t sure how everyone’s TVs picked up and transmitted just laughter (instead of fights, the garbage disposal, the dog barking, etc) but I figured that was the wonder of technology.
I also thought that clothes and shoes shrunk if you didn’t wear them often. That’s why you summer clothes wouldn’t fit the next summer, or why if you put a pair of shoes on you hadn’t worn for two months, they might be tight.
It’s a wonder I’ve made it all the way to doctoral study–I was a pretty stupid kid.
I used to believe that moustaches were the nastiest piece of facial adornment ever. That was because I didn’t realize that the hair grew from the top of a person’s lip. Instead I thought it grew directly out of their nose. Yes, you got it right. I thought a moustache was very long, styled nose hair.
I also thought that an outie belly button signifies that you are possessed by aliens. I know it has to do with how the umbilical cord was cut but I still think it is interesting. On this line, I have a friend that thinks that if your eyes show up red in a picture that you are being controlled by some type of Orbital Mind Control lasers. He is a little crazy you see.
HUGS!
Sqrl
I thought that George Washington was killed when someone shot him in his car. I must have somehow associated the JFK assassination with his death. I bet I had heard someone say that a great (or “the greatest”) president died that way, and then heard from another source that Washington was a great president… QED
I also thought that A.D. meant “After Death” (that is, Christ’s death). The years Christ was alive therefore were “The Middle Ages”.
No offense, but you do realize that one’s level of education isn’t necessarily an indicator of their actual intelligence, don’t you? Have you seen the doctor (Sean) on Survivor? If you truly were a stupid kid, you’d be saying, “it’s a wonder I survived”. I think goofy “kid theories” are pretty common. Stupid kids have a tendency to blow themselves up, antagonize dangerous animals, hide in old refrigerators, and stick their hands in machinery.
My brother had me convinced that he was from Mars. He was weird enough, it fit.
He was convinced that graveyards were where they made gravy :collective EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!:
When I was really little, my sister had me convinced that when we went to bed at night, our dolls and stuffed animals came to life and had parties—and that if you caught them, they’d die! So I always kept my eyes shut tight when I woke up at night.
When we were a little older, I half-convinced my sister that those round white rocks people line up the sides of their driveways were the skulls of people who’d been buried standing up.
My sister and I were both spooky little kids.
I thought that when listening to the radio or watching TV if I turned either one off and came back later they would be at the same point I was listening or watching before I turned it off. I also knew that chocolate milk came from brown cows.
My next-door neighbor - an older, therefore wiser, girl - told me that when you fell asleep, your heart stopped beating. I can’t count the number of nights I went to bed with my hand on my chest just to see. She also told me that if you were touching a window screen when lightning flashed, you’d be electocuted - this is back when screens were metal. I’m not sure if she was deliberately tormenting me or just parroting what her mom said.
From my own warped mind - I wouldn’t drink water from the showerhead because I cound’t be certain that it wasn’t merely recirculated from the drain.
My sister has always been a particularly gullible individual. We took her out to a posh joint on her 13th b-day, and the dessert menu had a strawberry napolean on it. She knew who napolean was, but not what it was, so I convinced her it was a strawberry paste of sorts sculpted into a detailed statue of the General, complete with hand in coat. You shoulda seen her face when the real thing came, poor girl nearly started crying.
Hey, I’m a big brother. That’s my job.
" . . . this is back when screens were metal."
Screens still ARE metal where I live. What are they made of where you are? Cotton?
I thought that England and Canada was the same place, and had no end of confusion when people talked about driving to Canada, because I knew that England was across an ocean.
I also was fascinated with the idea that there was a place called “the country” where people lived on farms and rode horses and all that. I thought there was some big delination, and I’d see a sign or something officially welcoming me to “the country” and it would be like a different world. I’d pester my parents on car trips by asking them “are we in the country yet?” and get completely confused when they’d say “Of course we’re in the country. We’re not leaving the US on this trip.”
Plastic screens are becoming the norm, Eve.
In my house - barely a month old - the screens are some sort of synthetic fabric. I seem to recall one other house we owned had similar screens. The fabric is sold by the foot in home improvement-type stores - I’ve used it to make screens for our boat.
Well, I was always certain that when i was alone, all the hidden cameras in the house focused solely on me and so I would make it a point to act really cute and entertaining when I was by myself.
When I was in second grade, I thought the word “fuck” meant to give someone the finger. (We all spent a lot of time giving each other the finger in second grade.) My error became clear when I was singing a derogatory song about someone to the tune of the Oscar Meyer commercial:
[verses about having a first name, and a last name]
“I love to fuck him every day
And if you ask me why I’ll saaaaaayyyyyy…”
[I didn’t get to finish the song from everyone else laughing at me]
I sang this in front of several friends and my older sister (a more savvy fifth grader), who kindly took me aside and showed me, with Barbie and Ken, what the f-word actually meant…
I should submit this story to Reader’s Digest.
Fabric window screens? What won’t they think of next!
“Well, I was always certain that when i was alone, all the hidden cameras in the house focused solely on me and so I would make it a point to act really cute and entertaining when I was by myself.”
—Did you grow up to be a program development executive at CBS?