Things I've learned from watching "Doctor Who"

Cafe Society
#1

OK, this is obviously a take-off of this thread. But anyway, things I’ve learned from watching “Who”, both old & new:

  1. Just because a man travels around the universe in the company of a succession of nubile, 20something female companions and never, ever, ever makes a move on them doesn’t mean that he’s gay.

  2. Human life originated on the planet Exxilon. Colonists from that world settled on Earth in Peru & Egypt and built giant pyramids in imitation of the architecture of their homeworld.

  3. Wait, forget #2. Human life was bioengineered by the Fendahl consciousness. Evolution was directed by Fendahl impulses in order to create human beings - which could be used as vessels for the Fendahl consciousness to inhabit.

  4. No, forget that as well. All life on Earth was created when a Jagaroth spaceship crash-landed & exploded on primordial Earth. The explosion was the spark that caused life to start evolving. The explosion was so great that it shattered the sole Jagaroth occupant of the ship into thousands of duplicates who were scattered about history. That Jagaroth, not the Fendahl, was the one covertly manipulating human history to ensure it evolved the way it did.

  5. No, scratch all that. Human life (and life throughout the universe in general) is subject to ‘fixed points in time.’ Some events simply have to happen, regardless of whatever manipulation any type of time traveller might attempt.

  6. Any super-sophisticated technology whatsoever can be deactivated (or at least caused to backfire) by the simple act of reversing the polarity of the neutron flow.

  7. Sonic screwdrivers can do anything, I mean ANYTHING!

What else?

#2

Police boxes are awesome.

#3

You can solve problems without fighting. Standing up to giant aliens, monsters, well equipped armies, and other nasties can be accomplished without superior firepower.

If all else fails, run!

#4

If that weird green goo starts growing on your biody just kill yourself now. You’ll be much happier and your companions will thank you for not massacring them.

#5

Mechanical monsters generally will not kill you without clearly announcing their intentions to no one in particular. (“Kill, kill, kill,” “delete, delete, delete,” and the classic “Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminaaaaaaate!”)

I’ve tried to convince my friends of this, but they just won’t buy it. Not that there’s… you know. If he were gay, I think Captain Jack would be a much happier man.

All of the above. In a long-running series featuring time travel, parallel worlds, and heroes and villains who can’t resist messing with history, there are no continuity errors.

So-called “fixed points” can be interfered with, but potential results include ravenous beasties descending on earth, the person you tried to save shooting herself in the head, or nothing at all.

It doesn’t do wood! (Except when it does.) It has also become very unreliable for opening locks, as every sentient race worth its salt seems to have learned how to “deadlock” things.

Or talk. Talk, talk, talk, talk. If that doesn’t work, talk faster. It may not solve the problem, but most enemies will be incapable of shooting you as long as you keep talking.

#6

When faced with a weapon, put your hands up.

The laws of time are immutable, but there are always loopholes.

Antimatter = bad news.

#7

A 20 year old barely-high school-graduate is equally qualified to save the day as a thousands-year-old (super-)being that has experience fighting wars of an intergalactic scale.

#8

Most major historical figures either met or were aliens.

#9

[quote=“The New and Improved Superman, post:1, topic:518061”]

OK, this is obviously a take-off of this thread.
6. Any super-sophisticated technology whatsoever can be deactivated (or at least caused to backfire) by the simple act of reversing the polarity of the neutron flow.

Iv have to give you props for that one. Because back in the 80’s it became a running joke between myself and my my fellow geeky-who-fan friends. If any one of us did something incredible or something improbable happened we’d claim that we reversed the nuetron flow.

Example: “Dude, you actually got Trish to go with you to beach for a whole weekend? She hated you? How’d you convince her?”

“Easy…I simply reversed the polarity of the nuetron flow.”

#10

And though they stopped being used years ago, because of British inefficiency they are still common enough that nobody remarks when one shows up in 2009 London.

#11

Well, they’ve actually addressed that on the show. The Tardis is equipped with a functioning “perception filter” (not to be confused with the busted chameleon circuit) that, reminiscent of Douglas Adams’ SEP device, works with the instinctive human desire not to see things we don’t understand. But people on the show have asked “What’s a police call box?” when their attention was drawn to it.

#12

It’s OK if the Doctor does it.

#13

More specifically, reversing the polarity of the neutron flow can EITHER destroy any technology OR cause any technology to do the exact opposite of its normal job, depending on narrative convenience.

#14

This entire universe was created by a space ship named Terminus ejecting its unstable fuel. If you want to visit the ship that started it all however, sorry, but it got flung billions of years in the future.

#15

Approximately 50-60% of all alien would be space overlords through out the Universe plotting to conquer it, base their schemes out of a London Warehouse or Laboratory.

#16

The surface of lots of planets look remarkably like a gravel pit.

#17

Only because it’s cute doesn’t mean it isn’t trying to kill you. I want a Dalek…

#18

You should travel with an entourage. Some are people, some are tin dogs.

It’s all a bit of wibbly wobbly,timey wimey stuff.

#19

In fact, if it’s cute, there’s a better than 50/50 chance that it wants you dead, or, at best, belongs to someone who wants you dead.

#20

Having emotions is good.