Things NOT to do at a hotel.

For those of you who travel, make it easy on yourself.

First of all, when you check in know what name the reservation is under. There are people behind you waiting to get to their rooms.

Since keys (or key cards) no longer have room numbers on them, if you foget what room you are in just ask the front desk. This happens all the time, don’t be embarrassed and start trying doors at random. Then we get complaints at the front desk that people are trying to break into your room.

For hotels which have movies, we don’t care what movie (usually the dirty ones) you watch. We have better things to do with our lives.

Don’t eat out of the honor bar unless you want to pay $5.00 for a Snickers.

Know the last name of the guest when you call. We cannot give out any room numbers or personal info.
I don’t care if you are the guest’s mother. It is for saftey reasons.

And finally decided what time you want to wake up BEFORE calling for the wake up call. Nothing is more irritating then having 10 calls in que and the operator asking “what time sir?” and you say “well let me think…”

Markxxx: Thanks for the kind words on the AOL thread.

You might enjoy this: Your Guide to Tipping a Bellman

Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine

Don’t invite Brad Pitt or any member of Guns ‘n’ Roses to a room party. :o

To begin with, it’s queue.
Secondly, don’t lick the sheets either – 'specially the crispy parts.
Thirdly, cash you bastard. Cash, for tips.

Most hotel managements frown on livestock, small-engine repair, and indoor roller hockey. Uh…that’s what I hear, anyway.

“…send lawyers, guns, and money…”

 Warren Zevon

Oh and never ever set your bed on fire. I noticed the staff does’nt appreciate it.

Avoid inviting all the hookers over for milk & cookies. The management gets no cuts from milk & cookies parties.

We have met the enemy, and He is Us.–Walt Kelly

Uh, is it okay to swipe those itty-bitty bottles of shampoo you don’t use up?

Miss Manners says that’s a major no-no. I can buy the sample sizes in the local drug store, but hey, if a perfectly good hotel already (sorta) endorsed it…why fry my hair with a bad mini-bottle of Jungle Rape shampoo from Walgreens just to stock my travel kit?

Cheap, and probably tacky,

(P.S. But I NEVER fail to tip the maid, and well. Good folks, doing good work. Hey, you think I change sheets and towels every day?!?)


Go for it, beats buying the same thing at Wal Mart. Miss Manners thinks it's tacky to eat oysters with a Swiss Army knife or combine a wedding reception with a deep-sea fishing trip. But what the hell does she know? People like that are so freakin' anal. In my perfect world, Miss Manners and Martha Stewart are first on the list for my "Special Re-Education Camps"

“…send lawyers, guns, and money…”

 Warren Zevon

I don’t have a Walgreens around here…any ideas on where else I might procure a bottle of “jungle rape shampoo”? :wink:

I’m very lucky. The only time I was ever up shit creek, I just happened to have a paddle with me.
–George Carlin

You might enjoy this: Your Guide to Tipping a Bellman


Whoever wrote this web page is a world class shmuck. I would never even want to stay at that hotel if that guy worked there.

Never take the complimentary sewing kit and sew the sheets to the drapes.

Just add water, it makes it’s own sauce!

BurnMeUp - George Carlin used that line.

“Let 'em know you’ve been there!!”

Yer pal,

Hey, what’s up with maid-tipping? I’ve now encountered 2 people in the last week who were VERY adamant about it. I overtip waitresses and hairdressers - do I really have to tip the hotel maids?

Where are we going?
And why am I in this handbasket?

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Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine



Maid tipping. Is that like cow tipping? I’ve seen many a maid that could pass as a cow.


I rarely tip the maid at a hotel. I’m paying $200 a night for a frickin’ bed and some towels—I feel no obligation to leave extra money. If the hotel isn’t paying her enough, that’s her problem. I tip the bellhop, because he provides and extra service for me, namely, carrying my bags up. I will also tip the concierge (sp?) if he/she gets special tickets for me or some such thing that is extra. But changing the sheets? At $200 a night the least I expect is clean sheets and towels. I don’t see this as a service that warrents a tip.

“I think it would be a great idea” Mohandas Ghandi’s answer when asked what he thought of Western civilization

Newsflash: The only people working in your $200 a night hotel who get paid less than the housekeepers (presuming the housekeeper is making a few cents more than minimum wage) are the people who work in the laundry room. Believe it or not, changing the sheets when you stay more than one day in a row is not protocol in every hotel. Nor is ensuring that you have the proper number of hand towels or mini soaps for the particular number of guests in your room.

Housekeepers are universally paid poorly because housekeeping is a job that requires niether documented skills nor references. All that you need to get a housekeeping job is a uterus. Just because its the only job someone can get, doesn’t magically make them able to live on 5.15 an hour.

Don’t kid yourself about whether these folks are providing a service. When the amount of garbage your maid has to carry out exceeds the volumne of the trash can by three measures, or when the family of 5 strip all of their linens and towels and dump them in the tub of running water, when you leave for the day, leaving a bathroom covered in pubic hairs and come back to a nice clean room, someone has provided you a service, love.

Essentially, someone is cleaning up your spooge and NOT stealing your stuff. Kind of like mom. But your mother does not work here.
So set aside your gumball-machine change and tip your housekeeper, cheap bastards.

Life is short. Make fun of it.