comb-overs…puh-leez
obnoxious parents who ignore their rotten child’s behavior.
teenagers who think that they created coolness
deadbeat dads
people who talk in during movies
people who don’t scoop their dog’s poop
people who bitch and moan about everything
…thus I’ll quit here before I piss myself off.
I have another one to add - people who meet my baby and then say “when are you going to have another one?”
My reply is always “what’s wrong with this one?” What putzes.
ahh…yes…xizor…you bring up a good one…
I’m an unmarried 32 year old woman…my boyfriend and I hear “when are you going to get married” all the time!!!
Also…some people jump that all together and ask me when I’m going to have a baby. Jeezzz…give me a BREAK already!!!
Oh, in response to the guy who objected to my parking lot beefs: I would never dream of doing this in a full lot. I understand that parking spaces get scarce at certain times, and I am perfectly willing to let someone take my space if nothing else is availible. But when there’s hundreds of open spots, and some guy is waiting for mine, which happens to be fairly close: Tough shit. Go walk.
A few more car related beefs:
Merging: it’s not hard to do. I hate people who go like 30 down an entrance ramp, and then stop IN THE MIDDLE OF IT when they can’t find a place to merge. It’s a lot easier to merge if you hit the highway doing 65. Of COURSE there’s no way for you to get on because you are moving slower than traffic, and now that you’re stopped, there is NO chance of finding a safe opening.
Ok, another one:
People in bumper-to-bumper traffic who leave 10 car length gaps between themselves and the car in front. What are you doing? Move up. If everyone left that kind of space, no one would get anywhere. We’re moving 5 miles an hour, closing the gap to 1 car length isn’t going to cause any problems. Besides, its people like you who are CAUSING the traffic jam in the first place.
I’d like to second a few of the other ones mentioned:
“We’re pregnant.” No you’re not, you retard. She’s pregnant. When you’re ready to pass a watermelon sized object out of your penis, then you can say “we.” You’re role in the gestation ended when you came. Get over it.
I also hate people involved in customer service jobs that DON’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE! There are plenty of other low paying jobs where you don’t have to deal with customers. It especially irks me when I try to flag down a waitress to refil my Coke. Then she saunters over like she could be doing something better than WHAT SHE IS BEING PAID TO DO. Put on a smile. Provide fast service. That is all I ask.
People who call me when I’m busy and preface their question with "I was calling, um, ah, in reference to, um, um… " Just ask the damn question, dipwad. And it helps if you know what you need to ask me before you pick up your damn phone.
The same people, who describe some long, involved question I have to stay awake through, then, upon hearing my answer, rephrase the question in an equally long and involved manner. As if their crafty reasoning will stun me and I’ll tell them exactly what they want to hear the second or third time around.
People who position themselves a whole 4 inches away from me on the subway when there are plenty of other places to stand. Good morning, ma’am, if you stand a little closer we would share my kidneys.
Couples who cuddly and coo on the train because they just know that all of the other passengers enjoy watching them. I hope you choke on each other’s tongues.
This is fun!
While in chat rooms, those who scroll their stupid all advantage ads for you to click on. Or any of those money making sites.
Those on Ebay who charge tax on their items. Come on, it’s a person to person sale!
Mufflers that sound like lawn mowers.
Incompetent sales people at electronics stores. I want to know the exact ink cartridge that’ll fit into my label maker. I don’t want your fucking guess.
Those who put sweaters on their dogs.
Gracious me, where to begin???
In your car. You know that steering wheel thingy you use to make the car go right and left? See that thing sticking out of the left-hand side? It’s a TURN SIGNAL!!! Use it, for the love of God! I’m not stalking you, I just want some idea of what you’re doing, so as not to cause an accident.
Cell phones and beepers. Yep, in general. There are very few people who really, truly need to be that accessible (like organ transplant surgeons). Everyone else is suffering from bouts of pretensiousness. Cell phones are great for emergencies (“Hi, honey. The car broke down. I’ll be late getting home. Gotta go now, and call AAA”) Otherwise, put it away. Your life isn’t that important.
For the most part, we know to drive on the right side of the road (in the US, anyway). Is it that hard to walk on the right side, too? It sure makes getting around easier. Quit blocking the whole sidewalk/mall walkway/whatever.
Massive PDAs (Public Displays of Affection). We’re all really happy that you two are in lust. Save the kissing, groping, and putting your hands in each other’s hip pockets for private time, OK?
Everyone talks about bad customer service, but what about bad customers? You know, the person that throws a fit because they had a little inconvenience, and expect lots of free crap as a result? Not only that, but they are apparently the only customer in the whole place (thus, the most important person on the planet). Therefore, the poor, hapless, barely-minimum-wage person behind the counter, must not only DROP EVERYTHING and attend to him/her, but bow down in worship to the slighted customer. Get over yourself. Everyone has bad experiences. Follow the rules of the store (e.g., keep your receipt), and remember that the other person is human too. Don’t expect special treatment.
Anyone who “verbs” nouns. Unless you are an MCSE, “network” is not a verb. Neither are “parent” or “dialogue.”
Almost anyone in a car, for any reason. I’m pretty calm, rational, and level-headed. But as soon as I get behind the wheel, I can find fault with anyone’s driving skills. It’s a weakness…
All you people who whine like little bitches about all sorts of really unimportant things.
“Ooh, that bugs me!”
Like we give a crap. Just shut up.
(That was supposed to be funny. I realize now that it doesn’t read as well as it sounded in my head. Carry on with the complaints.)
People who call at work and say "Is (first person) there.
No? Then, what about (second person). Maybe (third person)?
Stop with the laundry lists.
Also, people who think “May I take a message?” means "Give
me your life story with 7 variations! All I want is a
name, phone # (and don’t say "They have it), and reference.
OK, “Mikado” fans, all together now:
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I’ve got a little list–I’ve got a little list
Of people who annoy me and might well be underground,
And who never would be missed–who never would be missed!
There are models who weigh 90 pounds and tell you that they’re fat,
Biographers who claim to own a subject just like that,
People in the Shop-Rite blocking aisles with their carts,
All sitcoms using plots that try to warm our little hearts,
And chiropractors who treat AIDS by giving you a twist–
They’d none of them be missed–they’d none of them be missed.
CHORUS
She’s got them on the list–she’s got them on the list,
And they’ll none of them be missed–they’ll none of them be missed.
There’s the lawyers who claims verdicts all depend on what’s your race,
They’ve really got me pissed–I’ve got them on the list!
And people who smoke cigarettes and puff 'em in your face;
They never would be missed–they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who talks out loud with shrill and strident tone
On all commuter busses in their bloody new cell phone!
And the stout commuting lady who goes trudging down the street
With a business suit above but great big sneakers on her feet;
Jim Carrey, Robin Williams and all manic humorists;
I don’t think they’d be missed–I’m sure they’d not be missed.
CHORUS
She’s got them on the list–she’s got them on the list–
And she don’t think they’d be missed–she’s sure they won’t be missed!
Religious politicians who just now are rather rife–
Especially Baptists–I’ve got them on the list!
Who get into the Congress and then try to rule your life;
They’d none of them be missed–They’d none of them be missed!
Pretentious actors who insist their name is said “Rafe Fines,”
All critics who choose books that show up in The New York Times,
New Jerseyites who decorate their lawns with plastic gnomes,
And balding men who glue long strands of hair upon their domes–
But it doesn’t really matter who you put upon the list;
For they’d none of them be missed–they’d none of them be missed!
[bowing, accepting flowers]
What annoys me about this is when women will do this very thing to you, then see you doing the same thing back to some middle aged woman, or homely girl, and tell you what a turd you are. As if there’s something more inherently evil about flirting with the ladle-jockey than there is in batting their eyes at a male acquaintance to try to get him to help move a hide-a-bed couch!
First, let me say that traffic stuff really used to piss me off, but most blunders I now attribute to momentary brain fart. I mean, haven’t you ever made a mistake while driving? Now consider how many people are driving out there - it would be easy to see three dumb things every time you get on the highway, which were actually isolated incidents in otherwise good drivers’ lives. But the cell phones do have to go!
Wolfman, that “blocking the view so I can’t make a right turn” drives me crazy, too.
People who stop in the middle of the sidewalk to chat? How about people who are driving past each other and stop their cars to chat? Argh!
We have one client who calls me, asks me a question, then as soon as I start to answer it, starts talking over me! It happens every time and it drives me nuts.
Grammar/Spelling:
“definately” - please, it is “definitely.” Thank you.
“an historic . . .” since when is “h” a vowel?
“irregardless” grrrrrr!
Friedo - I also hate incorrect correctors! Mr. Bossman, “comprise” is a synonym of “contain,” no matter how ignorant you are about it - please do not miscorrect my use of it!
And finally, the all time peeve: People who say, “Are we clear?” NO! We are frelling opaque you dumb bunny!
That was very cathartic. Thanks.
Ahem,
…People who don’t use turn signals when they change lanes.
…People who drink almost all of the milk or juice except for 1 milliliter, then they put it back in the fridge
…People who write checks in the express lane at the grocery store
…People who laugh at their own joke while they’re telling it
…Irresponsible parents who let their hellspawn run around restaurants like rabid zoo chimps with free crack
…Folks who proselytize for a new fad diet/religion/Amway. It worked for them, so they have to convert everyone around them. God, they’re obnoxious.
…New immigrants who get mad at ME when I ask them to please repeat what they said. Learn the language, folks.
…People who misquote song lyrics
…Liberals and conservatives who can’t disagree in a civil manner
…Anyone who cites Rush Limbaugh as an authority in a discussion. Intelligent right-wingers quote William Safire or George Will; Limbaugh is a source for unthinking reactionary BS.
…People who doubledip chips in dip. Ewww.
…Men who don’t trim nose and ear hair. Double ewww.
BTW, EVE, that was a brilliant parody of W.S. Gilbert. Brava!
Maybe I missed it, but I didn’t see my Alpha Pet Peeve.
If I could drill one simple concept into every driver’s head it would be this:
When there is more than one lane on a highway the ones on the left (in the U.S.) are PASSING lanes. The ones to the right are TRAVELING lanes. If you are not intent on passing anyone MOVE THE FV@% OVER you ignorant wiper of other people’s bottoms.
I will be the one forced to pass you on the right, moving back into the PASSING lane within inches of your front bumper, red faced and cursing.
Oh, I forgot to mention my intense dislike for pretensions Mikado fans…
=)
I’ve read this entire thread, and let me say there’s not ONE single thing in here I disagree with. However, no one has mentioned what, if anything, they’ve ever done about it. With the exception of keying cars, of course. Since I work in the insurance industry, I can’t really condone this, but don’t think I haven’t been tempted…
People, I suggest you let your id control your mouth sometimes. I used to have a half hour commute on the subway to and from work everyday. Needless to say, far too often someone who wasn’t taking advantage of all the hygiene facilities available to them would sit next to me. Finally, I got tired of it. A man sat next to me and the most noxious cloud of rank body odor washed over me. After the hallucinations had passed, I announced in a clear and louder than necessary voice “Whew! You STINK!” and got up and moved to the other side of the car. You may argue that this may not have been the most tactful way of handling the problem, but it felt GREAT!
So, what did you do?
A good number of things that people to do bug me is done at my workplace, which is a college library computer lab:
Students regularly ask me the same exact question.
When I ask them to right-click, they keep clicking the left button.
If the network or printer is down, I tell them that technicians are working on it and will take some time, but they always blame me. Seriously, they say, “Why can’t you fix it?” Well gee, I am a friggin student worker, not a system administrator (they don’t trust us with passwords… bastards).
Some students expect me to do all their work; some go as far as to ask me to type their essays.
Every so often, a student brings in their young child. They keep crying and do little to nothing to keep the baby quiet; they also bring their elementary-age children who have this need to smash their hands on the keyboards and smear their hands on the monitors.
Students who always do their work at the last minute and bitch that either too many people are trying to print at the same time (100 computers networked to a single print station) or something goes wrong and then blame me for the malfunctions.
People who do not read anything they are given. For crying out loud, we give a simple step-by-step instruction sheet.
There are those who regularly chat in chat rooms or over instant messages and they always make the most noise. Some even laugh out loud or walk around, stomping their feet.
This list can go on and on but I should probably get back to work. 
I eventually told a Dan at one place I worked that he stank. He was less stinky for 2 or 3 days, but then back to normal. This seems to affect computer-job-dans only. Ask Soulsling.