Things that annoy you as an aspergery personality

You go to a place or group that sounds interesting and receive snide remarks and hostility for no perceptible reason, only to later realize or have someone explain it to you it was because you don’t belong there or don’t fit in.:confused::mad:

I have stumbled into these so many times, each time because I don’t seem to have awareness of how others see me BUT there is no logical reason to think they would!
I mean like a random example going to a gun club because you like guns, not knowing it is a tight knit club of staunch right wing leaning individuals who assume you are left wing leaning and therefore subtly treat you like shit.

I started deciding to ignore it and just force my way through unless it was something of no consequence or the hostility goes beyond verbal and body language.

And it happens everywhere you go too.

I’m not going to spend any time digging up the cites, but I’ve been noticing, right here on this board, that certain people’s posts tend to be met with much low-level snark, sarcasm, and diss, often for little apparent reason. And I’ve been noticing that a lot of grude’s OPs seem to get responses like that.

Several weeks (months?) ago, in some thread where the OP was moaning about his low quality of something-or-other, I asked if he though he had a little Asperger’s going on, and promptly got shit upon by someone else who accused me of screaming “Asperger!!!” at every little hint that someone’s life might not be ideal, kind of like the current fad of perceiving ADHD in every little kid who’s full of energy and can’t sit still.

I don’t make too many crazy OPs, I think. :wink:

I don’t remember your diagnosis or the thread you’re talking about though, you remember anymore about it?

What really bugs the shit out of me is the little or no apparent reason thing, I don’t think I have ever in my life treated someone like shit because of my perceptions, if I did it is because of something they actually did.

Okay, I dug up the cite. A parent was worried about his son:

OP by Palo Verde, 6/22/2012: How can I get my socially awkward son to learn social skills?
Senegoid (Post #4): “Sounds like Asperger syndrome maybe. Consider reading everything you can find about that.”

MichaelEmouse (Post #5): “Upon reading the description, I thought of the very same thing.”

Justin_Bailey (Post #7): “Can’t he just be weird? Why does it have to Asperger’s?”

RickJay (Post #15): “Asperger’s, Asperger’s, it’s always about Asperger’s. Asperger’s is the new ADHD.”

ETA: Post #41: grude chimes in, sees himself in that OP’s kid, wonders what will become of him when he grows up.

No, grude, I didn’t mean YOU were the OP of that other thread I mentioned. (I already added a post with quotes from that thread. If you already read that, go read it again because I added an ETA to it.)

And, in case I wasn’t clear, I neither said nor meant that I found anything to criticize in grude’s various OP’s that I’ve noticed. I said that it seemed to me that he got a lot of low-level snark from a lot of other people, for little reason that I could see.

That was my point. SDMB can sometimes be as cliquish and snotty as any other social group, live or on-line, sometimes.

ETA: As a recent example, I thought this board was unduly harsh with ********* (whose name, as I understand the rules, I must not mention because he got banned).

Ah ok, sorry I misread your post.

For what it’s worth…this happens to everyone. Aspergery or no, if you do blind meetups, there will come a time when you arrive to find out that this is not the group you thought it was, or you just don’t fit in for some reason that wasn’t mentioned in the brochure (or on the website or by the person who told you about the group.)

It’s embarrassing and frustrating and doesn’t feel good. Again, Aspergery or no. This happens to everyone.

Neurotypical people may figure it out before Aspergery people, simply because we tend to be better at reading social cues and body language/facial expression. We may remove ourselves from the situation before any confrontation occurs, when we realize ourselves that we’re not welcome.

There’s even a whole social convention of fake nice-ness around this. I stand and say, “Oh, dear, I must be going. I have a meeting in half an hour and traffic is just dreadful!” (Or something similar - some imaginary Thing that I must be Elsewhere for.) Then the host of the group smiles and shakes my hand and thanks me for coming and reminds me that the next meeting will be [whenever] and I simply must join them again. And I tell him what a delightful time I had and how I can’t wait to see them all again real soon.

I won’t. He doesn’t really want me to. But these are things you say because many thousands of years ago, if you weren’t part of the tribe, you’d get beaten to death with sticks.

There’s your logic for ya. It’s because we’re apes, and apes are social creatures. We don’t eat each others’ lice, but we have verbal “grooming” techniques designed to keep the peace.

Or if your social skills are more advanced, you can get them to welcome you. I mean most people don’t hold public meetups not to meet new people.

The constant discussion about Asperger’s annoys my aspergery personality.

That’s because everybody talks about it, but nobody does anything about it.

I will admit to getting angry in reading about parents in the US on a board devoted to the subject talking about how certain theme parks will let you come during special hours or let you bypass the line if your child has AS. It is a private business of course, but I feel like they are doing their kids not one drop of good by creating an artificial la la land bent to their whim.

The kid is going to have to wait in line in life, with and importantly without their parents. They had better learn how to deal with it.

What do you want people to do about it that hasn’t already being done? Kids who are identified as having Asperger’s are targeted for special education and intervention services. Adults are eligible for disability. There are numerous drugs on the market that can help with some of the more obnoxious symptoms. There are numerous message boards, support groups, and therapy programs devoted just to people with Asperger’s syndrome. Everywhere I turn, someone is talking about their Aspie kid.

Asperger’s is not being ignored. It is stigmitized, true, but I think this is partially because of internet memes like the one being promoted in the OP. Everyone DOESN’T have a “little” Asperger’s. There are some people who are screwed up by it and need attention. Everyone else needs to shut up about it.
(Yeah, I’m touchy and being a bit jackassy. I have my reasons. Maybe not good ones, but I do have them.)

Wait there are drugs for AS?!:confused: How exactly would that work?

I think you are mixing up adults who in discourse notice certain traits in themselves and want to talk about it with goofball parents thinking AS is a badge of honor.

I don’t have the money and time to waste going to get diagnosed officially, I got the basics of living in society down, with a few details that still annoy. But I sure as hell recognize personality traits present in others that I myself had.

monstro: Yes, what kinds of drug therapy? Basically just symptom control, like anti-depressants? The reason I wrote “Everybody talks about it, but nobody does anything about it” was basically to mean: Everybody talks about it, like they’re just making themselves feel good because they think they’re somehow doing something helpful, but in fact there’s really not much to be done.

There’s plenty of attention to KIDS with AS, but the impression I get is, it’s just become overcommercialized and everyone with a pill or a program to sell is jumping into the game. But once kids grow up and become adults, they just sort of drop off the radar. There’s practically nothing out there for adult aspies. Like grude said about grown-ups having to learn to stand in line. Once you aren’t in the school system any more, you’re on your own.

grude: I get the impression that you like to spend time on message boards, to judge by the number of posts you put on SDMB. Are you aware of message boards by and for aspies? Check out The Aspie Hangout.

May I suggest keep on looking to where you will fit in and just take things like this that is it just a sign letting you know you are not in the right place for who you are.

Da sperg makes it extra maddening to work with, well, people. Because people get through the day assuming things and following unspoken, unwritten rules and routines. Most instructions turn out misleading or somehow incomplete. The slightest indecision can lead you to put off a task or go far too in-depth with it. And rarely if ever will anyone tell you, “I need this done by date X for reason Y.” You have to do much of your work for no particular purpose.

In short, you have to be almost slavish to follow your coworkers’ priorities, and if they’re at all contradictory (as busy people’s are), you have to ask questions that really do make you look dumb or like you don’t listen.

Since the term “neurotypical” has been used already, I assume that a lot of folks have already seen this. It’s an oldie buy a goodie. Summarizes a lot of issues that NT folks have.

My #1 complaint is the complete inability of NTs to carry on a normal conversation. They never understand basic statements or questions. E.g.,

“Do you know where the widget is?”

Normal people would respond several ways such as:

“Yes, it’s in the 2nd desk drawer.”

NTs, unfortunately, don’t comprehend language well and say things like:

“You think I’m hiding it? What’s the matter with you?”
“What do you need it for?”
“What makes you think I know where it is?”

That’s their first order language problem. Their 2nd order language problem is when you point out that their response is not helpful and they try to deflect their language difficulty onto others: “Look, you just need to see it from my point of view.” They never understand they need to see it from the other person’s point of view.

I’m actually always trying to understand what the frack is going on inside NTs minds so that I can deal with them better. They have no interest in reciprocating.

I understand English. You clearly don’t. You have a problem. You need help.

My 2nd main peeve is not just being illogical, but failing to understand their problem with being illogical. Take a recent thread in ATMB concerning capitalization of user names. Too many people want to capitalize user names when they start a sentence, but have no problem with capitalized user names that don’t start a sentence. Umm, at least pick a rule, even if it’s a bad rule. Either you use the person’s preference (which is actually, you know, socially a good thing) or use sentence position. This concept just flies right by them.

American political discussion is a nightmare of people who don’t just ignore logic and facts, but actively disdain them. I have no idea why most people accept this. Recent studies indicate that facts that contradict a persons views actually harden their viewpoint. Now that’s being messed up mentally.

There is no question that NTs are language deficient and behave socially inappropriately. Being NT is the handicap. Get them some drugs and therapy. Have them switch jobs and social groups when they don’t fit in.

You seem remarkably angry and bitter that other people behave differently than you. I’ve always felt that a good sign of being a well adjusted adult was being able to perceive when other people communicate or act differently than you and be flexible enough to adjust to mesh with them. Ideally both people can do this, so if you’re very different you can kind of meet in the middle.

Symptoms common in people with AS:

-motor restlessness/agitation
-racing/repetitive thoughts

OCD and bipolar disorder are common comorbid conditions.

Dealing with any of the above? There’s medication for you. Certain anti-psychotic drugs have even shown to have some efficacy in treating socialization problems.

I’m still waiting to find out what more can be done. Anyone have any ideas?

This thread sucks. I’m leaving.