Viruses that attack home computers, cell phones, pacemakers, Unix mainframes, whatever – and all at the same time. Umm, guys, viruses are platform specific…
Computers that make sounds whenever you click, scroll, launch programs, etc. Annoying.
Encrypted “disks” that every computer apparently has the software to break into, if you know how.
The above-mentioned email systems that bear no resemblence… the worst I ever saw was on “Smallville,” where Clark got an email that had a Kryptonian glyph, and then the word “Hope” appeared beneath it… letter by letter. God help us all, Microsoft in the Smallvilleverse has built Java into Outlook Express!
Computer viruses that infect machines simply by network or disk contact with an “infected” computer.
When computers “crash” and throw blinking, animated screens at the user.
Email and instant messaging are accessible anywhere, with no need to log in.
“Zoom in on that section.” Zoom into pixelated image. “Can you clear that up?” Image ‘clears up’ into a crystal clear, perfectly exposed image. It’s Movie Photoshop. My copy of Photoshop won’t do that.
Command lines. First of all, you don’t see them much anymore. Second of all, you can’t enter plain English commands.
Screens so bright that the user’s face is illuminated by the image. This is really a cool effect, when used limitedly. It’s not used limitedly.
typhoon, they think its funny. “Dude, let’s call that number we saw in that movie!” “Yeah… heh-heh… maybe God will answer!” (Translation: “I’m an idiot and want to prank call someone, let’s use the movie as an excuse.” “Yeah! Irritating people is cool!”)
I can accept this to a certain extent. But when I’m watching, say, Rush Hour II and our Intrepid Heros pull up and park in front of a hotel being portrayed by the library tower, eyebrows are raised. They’re trying to tell me someone just pulled up and parked in front of the freakin’ doors of the tallest building in LA? Hell, I don’t even think there’s street parking anywhere near it! (admittedly, I could be wrong on this – downtown’s not my area of expertise)
I live in Florida and everyone I know has caller ID. Every single person. The caller ID display on my phones are backlit, though, so I still don’t have to turn on the light to see who’s calling.
Every time there is a car chase, there is the obligatory “run into food” scene.
There is no such thing as shock waves or shrapnel. As long as you are not actually in the car/building/boat when it blows up, you are safe, even if it’s a really BIG explosion and you made it out with only seconds to spare.
Regardless of the severity of the wounds, if somebody needs to deliver a message in order to help along the plot they will always live just long enough to say what needs to be said. Then they immediately die.
Minor characters can be killed or completely incapacitated very easily – a single bullet, a punch to the face, a kick to the stomach, whatever. Main characters, however – whether good or bad – can be shot 17 times, run over by a car, thrown out of a building, etc., and still manage to keep fighting and then hold on until the ambulance arrives.
People react to a nightmare by sitting bolt upright in bed. Maybe it’s just me, but I just open my eyes…
The breakfast table will always have a pitcher of milk, never in its container from the store.
The staircase is always off the main room, never off the entrance like in real life.
High school classes are full of people in their early 20s
You may have a dog but you never play with it.
Houses are immaculate despite the fact that nobody is ever seen cleaning them.
You will never, ever have two people in your circle of acquaintances that have the same first name. Consequently, soap operas that have been around for a generation now have no characters with common names.
Sports events are always decided on the last play of the game. Blowouts are unheard of.
No matter how futuristic the setting, battles will come down to a good old fashioned fistfight.
OK, here are mine. (Some of which are touched on, sorry). Also, let me say I understand why alot of these things are done, but seeing them over and over and over again gets annoying.
Generic labels. ‘Soda’, ‘Pop’ ‘Laundry Soap’. The worst are labels that look close to RL products (see: “Fruit Loops” instead of “Froot Loops”)
“Nighttime Blue”. Obviously night scenes require some sort of lighting, but why is it always blue?
Everyday inconveniences that only ever happen in relation to the plot. Babies only cry when someone is sleeping or otherwise needs silence, and it only rains if it’s related ot the plot (or if the scene takes place in Seattle).
“The incredible aging children”. “Newborns” have open eyes, hair, and are quite large. In a few weeks, they’re walking and talking.
Noisy software. My rant on this lost it’s thunder after Spectrum’s great post, but this really bugs me! How many Doper’s computers beep after every key stroke, or give off that little ‘ticking’ sound when text is magically generated line by line?
“Nice House”. I saw a real estate agent in Chicago once appraise the homes of The Connor family (Roseanne) and the Bundys (Married w/children). There is no way either of them could afford those huoses.
The “pistol whip”. This irks me considerably. One swift bump on the back of the neck with the butt of a gun will render your opponent helpless…for hours!
The “Walk-in”. I like my family, but they still ring my doorbell when they come over. They don’t just walk in like my home is just another room in their own.
“Hero’s aim / Villian’s construction”. Star Wars is bad for this. A Stormtrooper can’t shoot the broad side of a barn, but Luke can nail a dime from 500 yards! Also, the villians, have these great big spaceships that can destroy a planet, but the hero tosses a rock at it and BOOM!
555 phoine numbers get me. Can’t hey come up with another unused exchange or simply not convey the number??
I hate it when two characters are on the phone, and decide to meet. They will either never arrange a time, or place. They just know which coffee shop to show up at and when. -And no one ever needs directions.
In commericials: “Leading Brand” used in side-by-side product comparisons. I know this was an old rule that you couldn’t use another product in your ad (which you can now, as long as your claim is true, and directly related to the message, IIRC), but I’ve always wondered, “If that other brand is the leading brand, it must be better than yours, or you’d be the leading brand!”.
More commercials: Laundry ads kill me. Kids get perfect grass stains on theit knees, mom give a “biys will be boys” smile, and everythign comes out fine.
-That current Clorox Wipes ad! My wife would KILL me if I came back from fishing and laid a dead, smelly, slimy fish on her clean kitchem counter tops.
When a character is driving, they just sit there turning the wheel one way, then the next. The worst offender was BA in the A-Team. He used to drive slalom wherever he went.
In a soap, no-one ever gets away with anything. If a character has an affair, their spouse will find out. Its just a matter of time. In some soaps, they will only find out after first character has ended the affair and decided they want to make a go of their marriage.
Also, if you smoke pot, you will go onto commit other crimes.
Don’t get me started. We could do an entire thread on just soap operas.
My personal fav was a few years ago- a girl gets gang-raped at a party, after a season-long trial, she puts the ringleader in prison, he sneaks out, stalks her, she hits him with a pipe, puts him in a coma…and then realizes how much she loves him. wtf?
not that i watch soap operas, mind you. my mom just keeps me updated.
Also on soaps: Everyone will go to a Christmas party. The party will last all week. In “soap time” only a month will pass until everyone is at that Christmas party again.
There’s one thing that always bugs me about American TV shows and films but I’ve hesitated to mention it before because I thought, maybe Americans really do this! It’s the way a friend of the family will just walk into the house unannounced and go and help himself to a can of coke or a donut or something from the fridge without asking. Tell me, to Americans really do this? To a strait-laced Brit it seems incredibly rude.
[I’m smiling at your straight-laced Britishness, by the way.] The only TV characters I’ve seen do this are Homer Simpson and Kramer, who are not exactly polite. But no, I’ve never seen anybody do this. In fact, the last time I was at a friend’s house, I felt rather guilty about just opening her fridge without directly asking - even though she’d indicated it was OK.
These bug me so much I must mention them again myself, even though they’ve been touched upon:
The “Mad Dash To The Hospital” when a pregnant woman goes into labor. While there are some exceptions, most labors last hours. You don’t rush to the hospital at the first pang.
The “Computer Animation” prevalance. The bad guys always have a brilliant 3-D accurate rendering of the bank they are going to knock off. As if all you have to do is type in a one-paragraph description of the blueprints and the computer will generate that for you.
Two people have a long, deep and meaningful conversation, that ends with a character getting up, walking to the door, pausing, then saying, “…and {Insert character name here}…Thanks” (I once had the extreme pleasure of cutting this exchange from a play I was directing.)
Flashback episodes. Reeks of cost-cutting. I’m sure every third Family Ties towards the end was a flashback.
House Parties where everybody agrees on what music should play, this has never happened in my reality.
The curse of scriptwriting gurus has given us shows where the police, doctors and coroners all have personal issues that crop up at the same time a similarly themed case happens at work. (ER is getting really bad at this.)
CSI in particularly obvious at this one - People who are experts in their field still get a lecture on how a basic process works by a co-worker. For example
Supervisor - Hey Subordinate, how’s the case going?
Subordinate - Great, just dusting for finger prints. You see how I’m using this brush covered with powder on this area? Well the powder will stick to the grease left the by the fingers, which I can then pick up with this tape. Because all fingerprints are different, the print will then be entered into the computer and compared to the database. And hopefully we’ll find our man.
Supervisor - I wish I had a weak pun to finish off with before the credits.
All serial killers have a vivid and cryptic imagination and the only people to investigate them are mavericks or burn-outs.
TV shows where the couple has kids:
Mom frequently takes a half-gallon carton of milk from the fridge. What freakin’ parallel universe is she from? We have to buy milk by the gallon jug, thankyewverymuch!
Mom and Dad can have an entire Meaningful Conversation, any time of the day, and never be interrupted by a kid who: needs a snack, needs help with homework, just got hit by his brother, etc. etc.
In any show or movie: cars never seem to come equipped with a rear-view mirror!
Well, this thread took off quite nicely. Lot of good posts here.
First, in the scene you mention, Gandalf “risks a little more light” to view the hall. That could have worked without all the lighting in the previous scenes.
To clarify, I mean naturalistic – suggestive of natural – and not strictly natural lighting. Making a film requires artificial lighting for the same reason that male actors require make-up – the real thing doesn’t look right on film. However, the lighting can and has been done right, mostly in the 70s and 80s. A fairly recent example, with cave scenes that really look like caves and night that really looks like night, is The 13th Warrior. (But maybe that was because Michael Crichton directed it himself and didn’t know better. :))
Hear, hear! But then I’m the guy who opened this thread suggesting that the Hollywood folks would never have the guts to cast Wolverine with someone who actually looks the part (and then got torn a new one for daring to question the Holy Hugh Jackman, whose performance was irrelevant to the question).
I’d love to see a movie sometime where the Everyman-in-unusual-circumstances actually looked like an average guy. Attempts at this were made once upon a time too. Duel with Dennis Weaver comes to mind.
Right. But I have more of a problem with the reality of suburban sprawl and that kids don’t get to do this in real life, like I did when I was kid. But this topic needs its own thread.
I know and I was able to be forgiving while watching it. Sometimes it is clearly necessary.
[I’m smiling at your straight-laced Britishness, by the way.] The only TV characters I’ve seen do this are Homer Simpson and Kramer, who are not exactly polite. But no, I’ve never seen anybody do this. In fact, the last time I was at a friend’s house, I felt rather guilty about just opening her fridge without directly asking - even though she’d indicated it was OK.