One of the things I was never told about getting old was how completely content and at ease I would be with my life and surroundings. Most other things are similar to tinnitus in that it’s simply background noise.
Did you mean to be clever or was that just an awesome typo?
How the hell do I work up a sweat in my sleep? Why does everything, even the common cold, feel so much worse and take so long to get over? Who told my body parts they could just randomly betray me? I pick up something off the floor and when I go to stand up, the muscles in my back try to stage a revolt. When I want to eat some of my old favorites my insides say, “Nope.” and proceed to kick up an awful fuss. Of course, nothing tastes as good as it used to anyway. I ask my right knee to stop hurting. I even give it pain killers and say please. It just laughs at me. I’d say I’m getting too old to put up with this shit but…umm, yeah.
The eye-opener for me was when the the policemen, doctors and professional sports people were suddenly all teen-agers. And how can that 12-year-old be driving a car? 
I am 62, the only thing I have noticed is I have to wear reading glasses. When does all this other shit start?
I hear you on this one. My PF came back with a vengeance after a 5 year break. I’m trying to shake it as best I can. I think what will do it is losing more weight - which I have to do anyway.
I’m in my mid-40s and started what my GYN kindly calls “peri-menopause”.
I hate night sweats. I hate hot flashes. I hate the mood swings. I hate that I got acne along with a weird giant black hair under my chin that I have to search and destroy. And why did my arm hair get thicker? I’m not a furry person.
Thank god for HRT. Cleared all that shit right up.
No one told me about the THICK SCARY HARD WHITE EYEBROW HAIRS that spring up overnight and grow to mad scientist length. I plan to use them as weapons if the Apocalypse happens.
Also was surprised at how quickly I got a white streak at my temple. I guess I should be glad that it’s a nice mixture of platiumy-silvery and white. When it all goes white, it will be pretty. Until then, I have Nice N’ Easy 8G.
57-year-old female. Skin tags and The Dropsies.
The little skin tags are easily remedied, just annoying… The Dropsies, which result from my gradually-stiffening fingers (they still LOOK fine but aren’t as functional anymore) mean I get in a few extra squats per day to pick up the things I fumble and drop.
I spend more time on hair removal now than I ever have in my life.
As for the hair color thing… I hope I can figure this out eventually. Some years ago before my husband passed away, I mused for a moment about letting it go natural. He looked alarmed and said, “Oh, please, no.” Scared me a bit. He’s been gone for 7 years and I’m still coloring it.
For those of you suffering from plantar fasciitis, go find some good arch supports to slip into your shoes. Instant relief.
That all those stupid physical things you did in your youth would come back to haunt you. In the last 3 years I have had knee surgery, shoulder surgery and will have a hip replaced by the end of this year. I’m only 51, for cryin’ out loud!
I just turned 71 and I have no idea how to act. I can wander around in a store and never be seen,unless I want to be… quite a trick for a large woman in a powerchair.
My legs and back have given up on me,there are colorless hairs on my chin… My skin is so dry I could sand wood with it.
This. I kept having to remind me that my PT was young enough to be my son. But, dayum, he was hot.
It’s already happened, but you just can’t see it.
Regards,
Shodan
Pros:
I now have the confidence that I never had as a young woman.
I now have the time to pursue music and art in ways that I would not have previously.
Cons:
My booty has migrated to my belly (really, even as a large woman, I used to have a defined butt and indented waist. Now I’m an apple)
Menopause
Enough white hair that I’ve gone from being a redhead to a blonde as a form of camo
Loss of upper body strength (the last flat I had the neighbor changed for me because I couldn’t wrestle the tire off the truck)
Vision going to hell
More pop culture going completely unnoticed
I think you put this in the wrong column.
Holy shit, yes! I get the occasional giant weapon-like eyebrow hair and it scares the crap out of me. Those get tweezered instantly. I joke that white pubic hairs will be the beginning of the end, but thank doG they haven’t happened yet.
A couple of years ago I quit with the coloring. Because, silvery-white, finally. And I actually get compliments on my hair now; moreso than when I was a (probably obviously) dyed redhead. I seriously love not having to obsess over color and roots and highlights and cost and appointments. I really seriously love that.
Surprised no mention of BPH (Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia).
Long time ago, but Mrs. Cretin had a miserable time with perimenopause. Once she graduated to plain old menopause it wasn’t all that bad. According to her.
(Male, 64) What’s to mention? The only time I don’t have to pee, is when I’m peeing.
I get tired more quickly hiking and backpacking. I still enjoy it but at a slower pace and cover less miles in a day. Even then I get some aches and pains that never bothered me 10 years ago.
Stress bothers me more. Confrontations at work, heavy traffic, and crowded stores annoy me more. I feel the pressure more.
Ear hair, more gas.
Because the entire experience was anything but “benign.” First, I really needed to pee. I mean I REALLY needed to pee. Standing up: nothing. Sitting on toilet, I finally got a little squirt out. Called a urologist, got an appt. same day.
There should be a law that gorgeous urologists should never have gay patients. He talked to me, and all I could think of was getting into his pants. And then: He’s got me bent over, and he sticks his index finger up my ass, and knows EXACTLY where to put it. I’m thinking “good thing he handed me a tissue first,” but was able to concentrate elsewhere . . .
I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I walk into a room and say what the Hell did I come in here after!
Besides that my feet started growing about age 50 they went from 9 1/2 to 11, and now at 68 the 11’s are too tight.
But is this a new worry? In the 80s we had the Walkman and 10 years later we had the Discman. Yes, the headphones covered our ears and we didn’t use earbuds that go all the way in, but we were still warned not to play our music at loud levels. And now that I have an iPhone, I use Bluetooth speakers and speaker docks. I don’t use earbuds at all anymore.
I feel for you, panache. I’m only 57 and have been doing some falling lately. In March I was in my garage standing next to my car when my knees got weak and I dropped to a kneeling position. My legs didn’t have enough strength for me to use the shelves in the garage to get back to a standing position. I opened my car door and scooted my butt up into the driver’s seat then swung my legs inside. I sat there in the car until I felt strong enough to get back onto my feet.