Carry a copy of Stephen Kings “The Green Mile”, mutter “Dead man Walking” or “Mr Jingles”.
Carry a piece of string and fashion a noose out of it whilst cackling wildly.
I’ve only ever been into a courtroom once * AND I DIDN’T DO IT I TELL YOU *
Notify the defendant that if he doesn’t get off, you’ll “take care of his wife” (as in have sex with her). Hopefully he’ll lunge at you and get beaten down by bailiffs.
Every 10 minutes stand up and say “Your honour; we the jury find the defendent…NOT GUILTY!!!” and start clapping. Also when you are asked for the verdict, take the fifth.
wear those glasses a la homer simpson. bring extra pairs
What an interesting coincidence. I just got a notice in the mail that I was selected for jury duty. I filled out the questionare that initially helps them determine if you fill the basic requirements and sent it in today.
I hope I can bring my palm pilot!
The last cvil case I was on (as a juror), they let us take notes. precisely because the medical bills weren’t eveidence. In deliberations, 4 of us had the complete list of amounts in a breakdown so we were able to determine what the defendant was liable for and what the plaintiff had to deal with themselves.
A very complicated mix of pre-existing conditions, an accident, and bad medical descisions.
Plaintiff had a stronger case against her surgeon, we thought, but the judge wouldn’t tell us if there were any other pending litagations. He said just deal with THIS case.
To everyone getting all up in arms about some of the silly responses, go look at the OP. It all seems rather toungue in cheek, doesn’t it? In real life, OP is doing his civic duty.
Thanks, NoClueBoy. I fully intend to discharge, to the best of my abilities, my civic duties (was that formal enough?). However, as anyone who has previously served on jury duty can attest, the selection process is 1% action and 99% inaction. Even if selected for a trial the “inaction” moments can outweigh the “action” moments. The first time I served I got selected for a criminal trial. During the course of a day and a half trial the defense attorney had the jury excused from the courtroom 5 times so he could discuss legal points with the judge. Come in, sit down, listen for 30 minutes, be excused for 15 minutes, lather, rinse, repeat.
I’m going to be thinking about this thread during down times. They’re gonna wonder about the guy sitting in the corner giggling quietly to himself!
I recently went through jury selection. They picked something like 30 of us to go into the court room, 14 sat in the jury box and the rest sat on benches in the back of the courtroom while they went through the selection process. I was picked to sit in the box (but not picked for the final jury).
Apparently I missed out on the folks on the benches betting on who of us in the jury box would make it to the final jury. I don’t know if any actual money was involved, but that would add to the fun, making odds and taking bets on just who will be in the “finals”. The odds change a little everytime the judge or lawyers ask a question and you learn something else about the prospective jurors. (In this case, a personal injury thing, the two women identified as nurses were early on marked as non-finishers).
I learned that I was actually one of the front runners judged to make the jury and everyone was perplexed as to why I wasn’t. Just imagine how miffed they would have been if money had actually crossed hands!
Cough up some phlegm and then look around desperately for a couple of minutes for a place to spit.
All in good jest…
Lead the rest of the jury in a rousing game of hangman.
During the trial jump to your feet and scream “Stop the trial! I confess! I killed him with my necktie and dumped him in the river outside town!” Then pause, look confused, say “Oops. Never mind.” Sit back down. (This works best when the trial isn’t a murder case.)
Instead of reading the actual verdict, loudly proclaim, “We the jury find the defendent, Col. Mustard, guilty of commiting the murder with a lead pipe in the ballroom.”
During the jury selection process proclaim that you aren’t prejuidice against anyone at all, “except for them darn martians!”
Bring various sex toys with you into the jury box. Distribute them among the jurors.
While sitting in the jury box, ductape your mouth shut, put on a blindfold, and wear a pair of heavy earmuffs.
Bring a plastic bag containing a tube of model glue. Inhale deeply into the bag throughout the trial. (Recommend not actually opening the tube of glue.)
Throw your shoes at the defendent.
Wear a Star Trek uniform to the trial. (Oh, wait, it’s been done.)
Shoot spitballs at the prosecuting and defending attorneys. Whenever you hit one yell “I got me a lawyer!”
Tell the baliff that the juror next to you says he can take em’.
Flash the judge.
When a recess is called, yell with glee, and start dribbling a basketball around the courtroom.
Demand that both sides call surprise witnesses.
Whenever anyone makes a statement concerning the defendant, stand up and scream “Off with his head!”
Refer to the judge as “Your majesty.”
If the prosecution makes a particularly good point, stand up, look enraged, throw your chair onto the courtroom floor and yell, “Come on! Let’s see some defense!”
Demand to see the instant replay.
Whenever an objection is overruled, scream “In your face lawyer boy!”
When being interviewed for jury duty repeatedly proclaim, “You can’t prove nuthin! I wasn’t there! And even if I was, no one saw nuthin’! I’s got to defend my territory! He was coming right at me! Do you know where I can get a really good spot remover?”
So you should pretend to pay attention and then vote to acquit the defendant come hell or high water.
Aaaahh Blackclaw, thoses did indeed make me laugh.
Dress as a Jedi Master, and bad mouth that other juror who dressed in a Star Trek uniform every chance you get.
Dress as a nazgul and comment how you are committed to spreading evil. Badmouth both the Jedi and the Trekkie every chance you get.
Whenever you hit one yell “I got me a lawyer!” New sig?
Stare at the defendant. Squint briefly, then stare some more. Slowly, raise one hand and cover one eye. Regard the defendant with the remaining eye. Lower your hand. Stare. Raise your other hand and cover your other eye, and study the defendant with the previously covered eye.
If anybody asks you what you’re doing, say you’re trying to get the defendant to stop wiggling back and forth so much.
This one is my favorite.
Things todo:
_scribble FURIOUSLY on a yellow legal pad , A LA O.J. Simpson
-complain to other jurors that you hear “voices” (the voices endlessly repeat the words “empty, dull, thud”
-complain to the judge that “I didn’t hear THAT”!
-loudly ask fellow jurors if they would like a junior mint
I’ll see that, and raise you one.
Glare at the defendant and scream * Now I’ll get my fucking lawnmower back you thieving bastard *