i still can’t deal with right and left. " the hand i write with" rule is what got me into trouble in the first place. i usually gesture and say: “this hand side.” my father did get port and starboard through my thick head though, so i will use that.
i’m with you on the bill thing as well.
for the past 4 days i’ve been planning on decluttering the library. since i’m posting this guess what’s not being done.
Wh? Doe carnivorusplan get distracte als (th brai think muc faste tha the bod ca typ)? O doe carnivorousplan ge distracte an goe…hm I’ hungr. I thin I’l ge som grap KoolAi an a bologn an chees sandwic.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by screech-owl *
You mean that WASN’T a joke?
Mine is…
erm…
[sub][sup]tying my shoes…[/sub][/sup]
I mean…I can DO it…but they come untied a lot more quickly than they really should…
::Blushes furiously::
I’m going to resist the urge . . . 
The first one was not a joke. But that’s okay. The more I look at it, it’s funny on so many different levels.
My reply to iampunha was a joke. [Except I am eating a bologn an chees sandwic and grap Koolai (a little short on the grocery budget this week).]
As I approach the ancient age of 17, there are still many basic things that I cannot do that I should be able to do. For example:
I still can’t roller skate, ice skate, do a cartwheel, drive a car…
I’m one of those who is plagued with my right and left, too. 
This is a bit embarrassing.
I can’t tell time very well. I don’t know if it’s a spatial thing or what have you, but… well, I learned when everyone else did as a kid. Then, in 9th grade, I had to re-learn. (Actually, one of my friends sat me down and explained it to me.) There’s nothing worse than getting to that unit in Spanish class and looking like an utter twit in front of the class because you’re not sure what to say.
I’ve gotten much better.
Tubagirl:
I know where you’re at on the shoelaces. I had to retrain myself at age 27. I started wondering why my laces always came untied, and looked carefully at the way the laces cross under each other. I was tying a granny knot.
Try this: Next time you tie your shoes, do the first part, then pause, and do the second part (where you cross the loops and push one through the hole) backwards. It’ll feel awkward as heck, but it’s worth a try…
OK, now that I’ve had time to think about it, besides being “left/right” impaired, I found a few more…
I’m not a very good “guy.” I never learned how to do that really cool “guy” spit. You know, like that charming scene in Titanic when Jack teaches Rose how to spit off the railing? Well, I can’t do that. I’ve tried - and it just hurts me.
I can whistle, but I can’t do those “fancy” whistles. You know how some people do it - they put a few fingers in their mouths and somehow produce this amazingly loud and high-pitched whistle - I can’t do that.
I never figured out how to blow a bubble with bubble gum - not that I want to know. It kinda grosses me out, so maybe that’s why I never learned.
Now that I read back over that list, it seems as if I have a lot of mouth issues.
I still can’t swim. I can’t even float in water. I mean, I CAN float, but I don’t want to lest I sink and drown. I’m so afraid that one day I’ll be forced to swim and won’t be able to. I guess now’s the time to learn.
Well, I’m from LA and people are flabbergasted that I don’t know how to drive. In my high school graduating class, the only thing rarer than virgins were people who couldn’t drive. (I moved to the East Coast so it’s a non-issue now, thankfully.)
And that whole you-never-forget-how-ride-a-bike business? Not true. I forgot.
I occasionally do the “L” with my left hand.
And um, I once had an argument with a then-boyfriend over what direction the Sun rose and set. blush He had to tell me more than once that no, we couldn’t go to the Santa Monica beach (in California) to see the sun rise. hides face in hands
I can’t drive a car. I can’t ride a bike particularly well either. I can do it, but not competently. I don’t think I could ride a bike in front of someone else. I’d be too nervous of getting it wrong and falling off.
I took a few driving lessons, and I actually can do the practical driving bit - I just haven’t finished my course of lessons, and I haven’t taken my test.
I can’t sing any more. Ten years ago, I could sing, but my singing is now absolutely dreadful. I can’t hold a tune, and my tone is rough and nasal like a seal.
I can’t whistle with my fingers in my mouth. I can’t do it at all.
(How on earth does ‘Righty tighty, Lefty loosey’ help you to tell left from right? I don’t get it.)
My turn:
[ul]
[li]Ice skate well (and I’m supposed to be a hockey player)[/li][li]Learn that I can’t eat ice cream that damn fast![/li][li]Remember any of my accounting software passwords.[/li][/ul]
Tripler
I think it began with a “f” . . .
It doesn’t. It does help you remember what happens when you turn a screw (faucet, nut, etc.) one way or the other.
I can’t whistle with my fingers in my mouth either. I really stink at whistling loudly.
I am quite unathletic when it comes to team sports. Now, give me a sport where it is just me (tennis, for example) and I am fine. Not great, but just fine.
I have a hard time doing any math above simple stuff (5 + 4 = 9) without a calculator. I can do it, it just takes time.
When I was seventeen and learning how to drive, I gently struck our next-door neighbor’s house.:o No real harm was done, but I still freeze up behind the wheel. The whole neighborhood came out to look at the scene, and joke about it.
I am a perfectionist, and if I f@ck up something royally, I have a hard time trying it again. Thing is, I really want to drive. A couple of years ago, I got up the nerve to try again. On the night before my test, a friend of mine stood up in church to announce that I was taking my road test, and she requested a prayer for my sucess. Over the next few days, people I barely knew were asking me how I did. I had to keep telling folks that I failed my test, and why. I haven’t driven since then.
I’m getting ready to try to beat my phobia again. This time, I will make sure as few people as possible know that I’m trying to drive, so I won’t feel as embarrassed if I screw up at first.
When do I get my license, I will post a thread to warn y’all that I’m on the road now.
One thing about never getting headaches or really sick ever in my life, expecting 7th grade, is that I can’t swallow a pill. I was finally forced to figure something out when I had my wisdom teeth removed: the antibotics were available in pills only. I just shove the pill down my throat, surpressing the gag reflex [insert dirty joke here]. My parents think it’s really funny.
I was the same way about (not) paying bills on time. I have no shortage of funds but that damn Time Warp Fairy paid me a visit weekly (that wench)! That and there was never a mailbox or stamp around when I needed one.
But then I discovered the magic of Internet Banking. Now I have it set to automagically send a set amount to my various creditors. In case I’m short a few dollars, I have a solution. I open my mail at the computer now. If I owe more than I anticipated, I logon to my account right then and there to send the balance.
Try it. The fee I pay for Internet Banking is $6.00. That’s well worth it to me.
I could not do fingered whistling. I asked the teaming millions for help in this thread. http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=43018 I was able to make a medium (not quite loud) whistle after about two days of trying. I gave up practice at the request of my family. I do intend to get back to it, just because I want to be able to do it.
Many thanks one and all for some wonderful contributions!
Struuter - yes, being a “heckuva nice chick to be around” counts for a lot. Much more than all those other things you list. You are hereby officially absolved from whatever minor flaws you may allege against yourself, and declared perfect. Now get back on over to your other thread and tell me how to say your name properly.
Lyllyan - I am so glad I’m not the only one who practises the ancient and venerable art of Misleading Filing. If anyone ever kickstarts a religion that worships confusion, my names and numbers list gonna be a holy shrine, children.
All credit to B__P for having the guts to raise the delicate issue of inadequate ‘guy’-ness! I am similarly afflicted. I live in the UK, and have no interest in sport in general or soccer in particular. This defect alone is a sufficiently serious to have my ‘guy’ card pulled permanently. I could never do that Monday morning chat at the office about the weekend’s sporting results. 3-1 to United was it? Yeah, so… what? What part of “as boring as watching railway tracks warp in the distance” didn’t you understand?
Also can’t do any of the clever ‘guy’ whistles, with teeth or fingers or whatever. Heck, I even look at a woman’s face when I talk to her. Guess there’s something seriously wrong with the wiring at some critical genetic level.
Going back to my OP, I’ve remembered one more. So I live in London, probably the rain capital of Europe. Have I learned to do the reasonable, intelligent, grown-up thing of checking the weather outside before I go out somewhere? I have not. Am I often caught in rain like a Noah biopic? Yes I am. Without an umbrella? Yes. Sometimes even without a coat? Absolutely. Most times I get back to my own house I look like a screen test for The Perfect Storm. All it takes is just a glance outside before I set off… but it just doesn’t happen.