Things you shouldn't laugh about, but you do

In My Humble Opinion
61

Last summer, while visiting family in Salt Lake City, I was riding the new TRAX mass transit system. I was sitting at a stop downtown when this guy in a motorized wheelchair shot by the train, on the back of the wheelchair was one of those twin wheel rainbow pinwheels on top of a 3 foot stick. the guy just had this huge smile as he zipped on down the sidewalk, pinwheel spinning madly behind him.

I couldn;t help myself, I was doubled over with laughter and still chuckle about it My only regret is I didn’t have my camera.

62

I thought of 2 more over the weekend.

Another fart story. I was in the mall with my parents when I was a teenager, and was waiting for them outside of some furniture store. There were some other random husbands and teenagers waiting in the same area I was standing, and at one point a very large elderly lady walked out of the furniture store, walked past us and proceeded to let out the longest, loudest fart I think I’ve ever heard in public. She didn’t even seem to notice she’d done it and just kept walking without missing a beat. I was in hysterics by the time my parents came out and I couldn’t even describe what I was laughing at.

Last summer, every morning when I’d be walking Pia, Queen of Bulldogs in a grassy common area near my house, there would be a middle-aged Arab gentleman playing basketball on one of the neighborhood courts. He was outfitted in white robes, including some covering his head, and would play basketball with a playground ball - like one of those old kickballs that bounce like crazy. Well, he wasn’t very good at playing basketball, and everytime he missed a shot (which was nearly every time) the ball would go bouncing wildly off the court and down the street or onto another court. Every single time. And he’d go running after it with his robes and scarves flailing around his body. I laughed at him every single day.

63

I remember being a kid and watching another kid barfing while swinging from a swing set. Her older brother kept pushing her and her screams to stop kept getting interrupted by the sound from her barfs.

What’s more, while you normally could have avoided her tossings just by stepping to the side, the reach they attained by the centifugal force of the swing was tremendous. She was like a puke trebuchet and launched her Happy Meal and some milk all over the place in big sweeping arcs. I remember being scared and fascinated at the same time.

64

Once when I was about ten years old I was walking up to the main entrance of our public library. A man and a little boy were ahead of me, and the boy was sticking close to his father’s right leg. The guy got to the double doors and pulled on the right-hand door, but he didn’t allow enough space between his body and the door, so when the door swung open it smacked the poor little kid in the face and knocked him down. What set me off was the regret in the guy’s voice when he said “Aw, little guy…” Forunately I knew to bite my tongue to keep from laughing out loud.

65

Or not.

66

Great stories!

One think that really made me laugh - when I was a kid, all of my friends were little pyromaniacs - really, really into making little bombs.

Well, one friend of mine went to one of those historical re-inactments, where they fire off muskets while dressed in period costume - and managed to find or steal a handful of blank cartriges.

Well, I was there in his basement when he showed off his prize. His older sister was also there, completely absorbed in her music video on TV; almost mezmerized by it, jaw hanging slackly, the works.

Well, my friend thought that it was a good idea to scrape the powder out of the cartridges, for use in our bomblets. I was doubtful, but he said he had done it before and it was perfectly safe - and proceeded to demonstrate.

Well, he must have been doing something wrong, because after scraping out a little pile, there was a spark or something - and it went off in his face. It made a little mushroom cloud right there in the basement. Fortunately he was not hurt - it just burned off his eyebrows and some of his hair.

Now, the funny thing was this: a bomb had just gone off in the basement; her brother was staggering around, minus eyebrows and hair; the place stank of gunpowder and burnt hair - and his sister did not notice. She kept right on watching her video, slack jaw and all, right through this!

I laughed and laughed.

67

My uncle died of cancer when I was about eleven. He was in his forties, and it was extremely stressful for our entire family. My grandparents and their remaining children were very, very depressed at the loss. My uncle was in the marines, so there was a 21 gun salute at the cemetary during the interrment. When the guns went off, no one was expecting it so there were a lot of startled exclamations. One of my other uncles was standing beside me, and practically shouted “Jesus Christ!” I’m not sure if it was the stress of the day, or the way he said it, but I started laughing and I couldn’t stop. I still feel bad about that.
When I was in high school, we had mandatory pep rallies we had to attend on Fridays during football season. Our cheerleading squad was huge and comprised of boys and girls. Sometimes, the boys would come out and cheer with these giant megaphones while the girls would do high kicks and all that. Well, I was never happy to attend pep rallies, and I made it known one day by balling up a wad of paper and throwing it down the bleachers at the male cheerleader. The ball went inside the megaphone and partway down his throat. His cheer sounded like
“Go Team, Go Team G-Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!”

It was disgraceful and wrong, but I laughed so hard I could barely breathe.

68

I’ve got two stories for this.

I was in Wal-Mart one morning when a young retarted man came by in his store scooter singing a song. All I could think of was Timmy from South Park. I prevented laughter by biting my cheek as hard as I could and pounding on the shopping cart with one hand.

Another time I was in Wal-Mart with Alias and some friends. While standing at the checkout lane I noticed a kid that was maybe 16 buying a six pack. It was clear the only reason he was getting away with it was because he knew the woman at the checkout. I pointed him out to the group and Alias says audibly “There’s no way he is old enough to buy that unless he is stunted.” Right behind us in the checkout was a midget. We all bust out laughing which really helped the situation. Poor Alias. She just kept talking, trying to dig herself out of that hole :smiley:

69

Oh man, I know what you mean about laughing at “not-supposed-to-be-funny” scenes in movies. When I was dating my husband, we went to see the movie Pale Rider, starring Clint Eastwood. Toward the end, he’s killing off the bad guys one at a time. One baddie walks into a shack, you hear a bang, and the guy staggers out with a hole in his forehead. Much to my dismayed surprise, I let out a loud, echoing laugh in the near-silent theater. I don’t know why it hit me so funny, but at least others seemed to see the humor and I heard a few more people laughing as the movie continued!

As for the brain surgery, I’m about to choke just reading about it, no way could I have not laughed if I’d been there to see it!

70

I’ve got a few stories to share. But first, let me say that it’s been really hard fighting back these guffaws which are sure to wake everyone in the house.

I always laugh when someone accuses me of lying and I’m not. It always starts out with, “You’re lying.” And I smile, because I’m not. So they say, “Look, you’re smiling, you must be lying.” And I start laughing, because I’m not lying but they think I am, which makes them think I’m lying even more, until I’m in tears I’m laughing so hard.

And this story I still feel bad about, but it was hilarious at the time. Back in high school, I smoked a whole bunch of pot with my friends on the way to the mall. When we got out of the car in the parking lot, just as we turned to walk towards the entrance, an elderly woman with a walker stumbled as she passed some newspaper stands, and fell flat on her face on top of them. One hit the other, and they all toppled over like dominoes. So me and my friends stood there for a second, gaping at her, while passersby helped her up and made sure she was ok. We had a hard enough time trying to fight back our giggles, when my friend said, “God knows when I’m stoned.” We started laughing hysterically, and everyone turned to look at us. I knew it was horrible, which only made me laugh harder.

Another time I had gone out to eat with these same friends, and as we were leaving we were talking about the movie RomperStomper (Russel Crowe’s in it, it’s a good movie). There’s a part in it where a girl starts having a seizure, and one of the guys says, “She’s a spastic!” (in a strong Australian accent) and starts mocking her, convulsing and making odd noises. As we walk through the doors, my friend says, “She’s a spastic!” and we all start having mock seizures- just then we notice a woman on the sidewalk in front of us who’s having a real one. Once again, we’re trying to hold in our laughter while everyone else is rushing to make sure she’s ok. Even worse, my friend left her keys on the table, so we had to wait while she went in to get them, with everyone looking daggers at us as we laughed hysterically.

71

I always laugh at the most in appropiate times but this one time i actually controlled myself.
I went to visit a fellow co-worker in there dept. While we were talking I noticed a picture of a kid that was making a weird face on the board. I thought he was just being silly. I did the hiccup giggle before reading on to see that his face is permamnently fixed that way because of a drowning accident of some sort.
I’m glad I didn’t laugh, but I still feel bad.

72

My SO stainz (oh yea, thanks for poking me in the eye!) sent this thread to me, I’m glad I’m reading this in a hotel while on a business trip. My stomach is hurting because I’m laughing so hard!

Burrido I saw the same show with the brain operation, I couldn’t stop laughing as well!

I have a few of these stories, so hold on, here I go:

When I was about 16, I was at my buddies place. We were playing video games, I had brought a large bag full of crap (clothes, games, snacks, etc.). Anyway, my buddies mom gets up, she trips on my bag and does a head plant into the wall. I could not stop laughing! She laid there for about ahalf of hour. She was okay in the end, but I still felt bad.

Next I was playing intermural sports in high school. We were plaing a game called spongee polo. Basically you have a plastic stick about 4 feet long with a chunk of foam on the end. You then have to hit a sponge ball into the net. Anyway me and my buddies started getting rough, cross checks hip checks etc. After we were done, the PE teacher comes in and reams me out. I thought his head would explode! He yells “Willie, it because of assholes like you why women never play intermurals. God damn it, rugby is in the spring!”. I was just standing there with a goofy grin on my face trying not to laugh. My other friends were freaked out, they thought he was going to hit me!

Another time I was at my buddies place and we were playing D&D. He went to the can, so I strategically place all my 4 and 8 sided dice infront of the door way. When he came in, he stepped on a 8 sidded die, leaped in the air and landed on a 4 sidded die. I was laughing or hours!

And finally I always laugh when I hurt myself. I was roller bladding with friends and was kind of showing off. I was going full tilt, then did a 180 and was skating backwards. I was chatting away, and did another 180 to skate forwards again, but i hit a rock and went flying horizonatly. I did the asphalt hard. But I was laughing for the next 20 minutes, road rash and all!

Is there a name for our mental condidtion?

MtM

73

Okay, I read the first page and didn’t have time to read the second one yet. Your posts are really funny!

This is a thing I think is funny but can’t get myself to say out loud because it is really inappropriate, working at a church and all. You know when you see the cross with Jesus on it and there is a paper attached to the cross that says INRI? I don’t know what it means (probably “Jesus, King of the Jews” in some language), but when I was in high school someone told me it meant “I’m Nailed Right In.” Whenver I see that I start laughing. It is not funny, though, is it?

I was at a wedding several years ago, okay it was actually 19 years ago, and the pastor started quoting all this stuff by Paul about wives being obedient to your husbands and stuff like that. I thought, “Geez, I don’t do any of that!” and I started laughing. I was staring at the floor biting my lip trying not to laugh out loud, and then the bride started laughing. Because, really, she knew she wasn’t going to do any of that stuff.

:smiley:

74

Oh yea I have one other story, which I’m sure I’m going to hell for!

I was picking up my grandfather so we could go golfing. He didn’t have his house key, so he was going to exit through their garage door.

I loaded his clubs into my truck, and waited. He put his golf shoes on and pressed the close button on his garage door. But because of the sensor he knew he had to jump over the sensor.

So after he pressed the button he took off, but because he was on smooth cement and was wearing golf shoes, he spun out a little at the start. He then hit top speed and jumped over the garage door sensor, but he smashed the top of his head into the grage door as it was coming down.

So he basically fell forward onto the hood of my truck clutching his now bleeding head, moaning in agony. I could not stop laughing (I can barely type this now!).

He was okay in the end, but was 78 at the time so it could have been major.

MtM

75

I have a stutter, so I’m probably the last person who should find someone else’s speech impediment or accent amusing.

In a recent gig with my new opera company, I discovered that one of the tenors has a very pronounced lisp (bad teeth). When he sings in a foreign language, it’s not so bad, but when he was cast as the Pirate King in Pirates of Penzance, I about lost it. “I’m afraid you don’t apprethiate the delicathy of your pothithion…” It is a very good thing we musicians of the orchestra are tucked away in the pit. :smiley:

Another church story for me, too. The pastor at my church of employment has a habit of drawing out his words when chanting. So, “Through Him, with Him, in Him” (chanted every mass as a part of communion) sounds like “Through haaam, with haaam, in haaam”. My response every mass? What else, but, “Mmmm… ham…” (ala Homer Simpson). It’s a very good thing years ago I learned to turn off my microphone when I’m not playing. :rolleyes:

76

My GF’s mom was getting remarried a couple years ago. It was a tough day for my GF because her dad had died less than a year earlier and she really didn’t like the new guy.

The wedding was in an old church with an ancient pa system. I was sitting very close to one of the speakers and I kept hearing this moaning. I didn’t know what it was until I leaned into the speaker to hear someone on a cordless phone talking to some phone sex line. “UUUgggggghhhhhh yeah baby just like that. Uuuuggghhhhhh. Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh”

Apparently no one else heard it after all I had to lean in to hear it myself. I tried everything to hold it in. Bit my lip. Pinched my leg. Held my breath and closed my eyes. All to no avail. I absolutely lost it. I had to leave. GF was pissed until I told her what happened. She said “I heard something but couldn’t make it out.” :smiley: :smiley:

77

On the way home from a family trip to the Southwest, we stopped for the night in a tiny town in the Oklahoma panhandle called Boise City. We got a $10 per night room in a fleabag motel and headed over to the Dairy Queen for dinner.

Everywhere we went in town had posters on the doors. They were, essentially, “Have You Seen This Child?” ads for an old man who’d wandered off and disappeared.

To my 13 year old mind, this just seemed totally absurd. First, the posters sounded to me like the kind you’d put up for a missing dog. They even went so far as to say that the old man answered to the name of “Bud.” And the picture of the old guy looked pretty goofy. Plus, I’d never seen such a thing for an adult before.

I cracked up and couldn’t stop laughing at the whole thing. When my dad figured out why I was laughing, he started laughing too. Which only encouraged me. I spent most of dinner making inappropriate jokes about “Bud,” and Dad and I both laughed uproariously and inappropriately.

My mom and 3 sisters were so embarrassed they made us sit at a different table from them.

It was only when we were leaving the restaurant that it occurred to Dad that, with Boise City being such a small town, probably most of the people in the Dairy Queen knew who he was, and that we probably sounded like insensitive asses. Which was why my mom and sisters had been so angry at us. But we still couldn’t stop laughing.

More than 10 years later, my dad met a cop from that part of Oklahoma. Dad asked him if they ever found Bud. The cop knew what Dad was talking about. Sadly, the answer was no, he was never found.

Dad called me up and told me, and we both giggled furiously.