I’ve had a few moments like this, though some of them probably weren’t the brightest way of handling them.
One of the funniest was at a movie theater. We were seeing a horror flick, I think it was Resident Evil, and we had a group of people behind us doing the whole “OH DON’T GO IN THERE!” kind of responses to the film. My friends and I tolerated it for a little while, then I politely asked them to be quiet, and instead, they just got louder. My friend whipped out his taser, turned around, held it and plain view and turned it on for a few seconds. Not a peep out of them the rest of the movie.
Last year I was at a metal show and, as it goes, it was packed and there was some shoving and people pushing to the front and stuff. One of the guys apparently couldn’t handle that and started throwing elbows and punches and trying to bend my fingers backwards and stuff to the point that the musician who was playing stopped his set and told him to relax. I imagine it was his first show and he didn’t realize pushing to the front and generally not having much space is normal, but throwing punches and stuff is an easy way to get the whole crowd to turn on you. The thing is, I’m a big and strong guy and this guy was small and scrawny, so I easily had a good 80 lbs of muscle on him, so all of his stuff wasn’t really phasing me, it was more just annoying; I’m not even really sure why he thought he had any sort of chance of doing anything to me. So I finally just leered at him and said “Look, if you really want me to kick your ass, meet me in the parking lot after the show and I’ll kick your ass. If you do it again, I’ll break your arm right here. Just enjoy the goddamn music.” That was the end of that, and funny enough, he quickly disappeared when the show ended.
To the OP, does it sort of count if I didn’t actually say it because someone beat me to it? A few months ago I was at the gym, it was fairly late at a time when it’s generally not crowded and most of the same people are there. This one particular night, there was a guy I’d never seen before and was apparently using a piece of equipment one of the regulars wanted to use and it quickly grew into an argument. Sadly, the guy I’d never seen before was Middle Eastern and the guy said something about how we don’t want his type in this country and called him a terrorist and stuff. At the very moment I’d decided I was going to step in, the guy next to me who was a bit closer apparently also decided that and had to go break it up and told him to shut the hell up with the racist crap. I never did see that new guy again.
I remember reading that explanation too, and it seemed silly to me as well. After all, just by thanking someone aren’t you already implying that they went out of their way to do something to help you?
“No problem” has clearly evolved in the language to mean pretty much exactly what “you’re welcome” meant before it - and let’s be honest, they’re both more or less meaningless pleasantries anyways, all they do is grease the wheels of polite social interaction, they don’t really convey anything in particular. Besides which, “you’re welcome” isn’t particularly old anyways, it only dates to the early 20th century, and I’m sure people tutted and sighed about those impudent you people and their crazy new phrases back then too.
“Why yes, I am gay!*” (to the young woman who sneered “Are you gay?” as though “gay” were an all-purpose perjorative on the order of “dork” or “dumbass”, following an extremely minor parking-lot vehicular incident).
She mumbled something, got back in her car, and left.
I was once in a meeting where someone said that a department head said that a project could be done in 12 weeks. I replied, “Did he mean Earth weeks?”.
There was another meeting where someone said that what were doing is not rocket science. I commented, “Actually I think this is rocket science.”. A guy at the meeting came up to me six months later and said to me, “You know, it turned out it was rocket science.”
I can’t take credit for that one. I was using a line that Steve Martin used in Roxanne.
I tend to think nasty things and not confront people out loud, but one afternoon I did snap “Excuse me. Can you move? You’re blocking everyone behind you,” to an oblivious teenager who was obstructing a Metro escalator chatting with her friends. Stand on the RIGHT, walk on the LEFT. It’s not rocket science. She gave me a dirty look, but she did move over.
“Get out of here or I’ll kill you.” Said to my brother-in-law when I was about 15, while I held a loaded shotgun in his face. Meant it, too.
“Are you a fucking moron?”. Said to my daughter’s fiance when he made a comment to the effect that all Africans can’t be trusted because they all have multiple wives. This was after holding my tongue through several other stupid utterances.
“Go fuck yourself.” Said to some born again type who asked me if I’d heard the good news. It wasn’t my finest moment.
I think there is something wrong with it. “No problem” is what you say when someone else has apologized. By saying it, you put the other person in the position of being wrong.
I was never “trained to hate” this; I realized it was wrong the very first time someone said it to me.
“Of course” is a bit dismissive, but no worse. “Any time” and “My pleasure” are great. “It was nothing” is, perhaps, false humility.
But “You’re welcome” is the proper thing to say when thanked. “No problem” is the proper thing to say when someone apologizes to you. Mixing the two up is Single Ungood.
I think it’s safe to say that the language has evolved to the point where ‘no problem’ is an appropriate thing to say in both scenarios. Given how often you hear ‘no problem’ in retail settings, even from employees who are impeccably well-mannered and helpful, it’s obviously commonly understood to be a proper thing to say when thanked. Of course, you are free to hate it with the fire of a thousand burning suns, but it’s a stretch to say that it’s ‘wrong’. Besides, as I said above, neither ‘you’re welcome’ or ‘no problem’ are really meaningful in and of themselves, they’re just things we say as part of social etiquette. Proper modern etiquette clearly includes ‘no problem’, at least for some people.
I know some people will rail against language changing like that, but that’s sort of what languages do.
“No worries” is catching on. I think it’s from Australia. I like it. It is even less formal, and the pluralization changes the meaning to encompass an entire easy-livin’ lifestyle as opposed to the situation-specific “no problem.”
ETA: I was right. It also calls to mind the identical “hakuna matata.”
Not me, a coworker, in an email to “everybody at company headquarters”:
"That ‘if it’s yellow let it mellow’, do it in your house if you want, but not in the office. We’re supposed to be an engineering company, not a pig farm.
Thank you."
Knowing her, I think she really said this and it was not a moment de l’escalier. All my college class got interviews for summer jobs with a big technical company. The guys’ interviews were normal; the girls’ involved leers, sexist remarks, and generally the kind of crap I’ve only encountered there and from agressive salesmen. One of my classmates said that her ‘I just couldn’t stop myself’ response to “and what does your boyfriend think about you staying here for the summer?” was “oh, my girlfriend is from [next town over], she’ll be extatic!”
She wasn’t a lesbian, but they were the kind of guys that make a girl wish she was. The kind of guy who walks into an office, sees a woman and leers “hey there cutie, tell your boss I’m here” “I’m the factory manager. Good bye. Oh, leave that card, I want to call whomever sent you about this.” - she was a great manager, too.
I have two coworkers I usually go to lunch with, Rox and Beth. The third time Beth mentioned her former boss the queen and his slutty ways which she really doesn’t mind, I mean, people are free to do whatever they want in their bedroom, Rox and I pointed out pretty much in stereo “ooooooof course you don’t mind, that’s why you never fail to mention it! :p”
“Uhm…”
She still identifies him as “gay boss” but now she uses it as a label, no funny tones and no speeches about how she “doesn’t mind”; we’re working on getting her to relabel him as “bad boss” (he wasn’t the only bad boss she’s had, but he was quite bad). Doesn’t mind, my ass.
I think it’s fine in both instances. It can definitely be used if someone has apologized: No problem = Don’t worry, I’m going to blow up and act like a major dick because you got my order wrong.
But it’s just as valid a response if, for example, someone asks you for directions or the time and then thanks you. You’re indicating that helping was not a problem; that you weren’t put out. This has naturally extended to service people where, yeah, it might be their job to help, but they may also want to convey to customers a friendly, open, ready to help attitude. “No problem” conveys to the customer that empolyees are ready and willing to help, even if they’re busy or from another department.
This is it. I never heard a clerk say that until a few years ago, and the first time I did I was puzzled. Now it just gets under my skin.
Not that I think they’re trying to be snippy. I think they’re not aware how it can be taken.
If you buy the implication that your question could hypothetically be problematic, you should go all the way and realize that, yeah, it could. It very well could. This whole shebang stems from the high horse of “how dare you even suggest that our interaction be problematic” when it retail reality (retality?) every interaction is a potential minefield for the clerk. Will the item be in stock? Will the customer demand a manager and if so, will I be able to actually find one? Do I even know what the fuck I’m doing because the training sucked and I’m barely making minimum wage?
Minefield.
But no, they successfully tiptoe to a mutually satisfactory conclusion through luck and skill beyond their pay grade, and as these clerks figuratively wipe the terror sweat from their brows you begrudge them the phrase that functions as their sigh of relief!?
I’m not one to make a big deal or fuss about someone replying to “Thank you” with "No problem’. I don’t really care (much). Big I’ll jump into this thread with my two kopek’s worth.
I see “No problem” as being a little bit ungracious. When someone offers you something, even if it’s some small thing you don’t care much about one way or another, it’s gracious to thankfully accept and ungracious to refuse.
This goes even if the “something” offered is a polite, even a meaningless, pleasantry. When one party says “Thank you” and the other says “No problem” or even “Oh, don’t mention it”, that’s like refusing the person’s “Thank you”. It’s almost kind of a little snub.
How about you turn it off completely and watch the fucking movie? Or go to the lobby to check your recent calls. Most people have very bright screens and it can be even more distracting than talking quietly. If you are some kind of magically important person who simply cannot resist the temptation to check, at least have the courtesy to precheck your phone before the movie starts to make sure the brightness level is on low, and when you turn it on do it between your legs so most of the light is shielded from others.
