Thinking of getting into the dating pool again

I’ve had some Trump supporters swipe on me. I just tell them they need to read my profile, that pretty much did the trick. No need to be rude - that’s what my Twitter account is for, lol.

Still odd though, as one of my profile pics is me holding an anti-Trump sign at a protest.

You think it takes restraint to not fuck with someone on a dating site and that he should have been even more mean to her? Would you mind explaining that logic?

I think it’s fine to have as many dealbreakers as you want. Just don’t fill your profile with them. I have seen profiles that are filled with only negatives, what they don’t like in people. Even if I agree with every single thing I wouldn’t touch that person with a 10 foot pole.

These crack me up. I’ve read profiles of women who start off mildly annoyed at the liars and scammers online, but soon go completely off the rails and the profiles turn into hilarious screeds against everyone who’s ever pissed them off, sometimes getting overtly racist or classist and occasionally concluding something like “I don’t even know why I even bother searching for men online! You all suck!! I’m outta here!”

Good to know, darling. Thanks for sharing.

Too many deal breakers are simply unrealistic in dating. I will reiterate this. I also truly believe that most people do not stick to this number of deal breakers when they meet people in real life. The long list goes out the window then. But it’s sure easy to do when you’re computer dating, it just takes a few clicks.

Yes, I have seen these profiles. They are intimidating and off putting. These are women in their 40s, average looking, and what they’re seeking is so ridiculously specific that no one is going to come close to what they say they want.

People have to remember that the dating services cannot create people for you to date. They are only potential conduits to what is out there.

On the other hand, I could have a near perfect match, someone unique to me or so the computer says, and there’s probably an even chance that I never meet the woman, because she flakes at some point. So one particular person means nothing in this process.

So you know what happens with people who have long lists of deal breakers? They get contacted anyway. Speaking from the male perspective, the men who have been through this more than once, or at it a while, they are ignoring the long list. They’ve got a game down, they are contacting other women at the same time, they have been flaked on multiple times in different situations. They are taking a volume approach. Maybe she doesn’t mean the long list and will get lonely, if she does, who cares, I worked on my game, gave it a shot, I’ve got other irons in the fire. So either she won’t stick to the list, or it’s criteria that can’t be met anyway.

So if the women go on dates anyway, then something on the list crops up and they complain about it… the approach going in is unrealistic and they didn’t stick to it anyway.

I am definitely taking a low-volume approach. Sometimes, I’m tempted to be even edgier in my responses than I should, and sometimes I do, and sometimes it works. For example, I’ve been exchanging “messages” online 8 or 10 times with one woman, pretty much spinning our wheels for longer than I care to usually, and I asked her if she’d like to meet for a drink sometimes. She messaged back “Yes, I would” and my response to that was “That was the correct answer.” Now there’s a chance she could read that as really obnoxious, and full of myself (I’m a retired professor, which she knew) if I were anything like serious, but I was kind of poking fun at myself and at the whole Q-and-A aspect of dating sites, and if she took it wrong, well, that doesn’t portend too well for our communications in general, does it? Part of the “messages” phase, I feel, is to test out my sense of humor, and if someone misreads that, that’s a kind of dealbreaker in itself.

Submit a good picture if you don’t want to be a meme

I wish I had kept the screen shot for this one particular profile. She was very attractive but her profile was all negatives. It was clear she wasn’t looking for an equal partner. She was trying to set up a job interview for someone to prove themselves to her. Sorry lady you’re not that special. It has to be on equal terms or else you will never find anyone.

The problem with deal breakers are that on paper (or a screen) they look like absolutes. Like if I put in my profile I only want non-religious matches I would not be with the woman who now lives with me. I would not be compatible with someone who is ultra religious and tries to push me to be. That’s not her. I know she believes and considers herself a catholic even though she rarely goes to church. But quite frankly it doesn’t come up much. If I had put down absolutely no believers I never would have met her. Our beliefs are not 100% compatible but on a practical day to day basis they are.