This is/is not a laughing matter!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So, I’m talking to my friend Todd on the phone and he’s going off about this fax he got that had a long list of taboo sexual practices and goofy names to go with them. There’s the “Rusty Trombone,” the “Chili Dog” (trust me, it’s gross) and, my favorite for laughs,“The Stranger.” "The Stranger is when you sit on your hand until it falls asleep and becomes numb. Then you masturbate and it feels like you’re being jerked off by someone else, i.e., The Stranger. Pretty damn funny.

So, fast forward to yesterday, the day after Todd tickled me with his list, and I finally go get some physical/occupational therapy for my pinkie finger that hasn’t straightened out since I got out of the cast a few weeks ago.

At some point, the therapist is touching the places on my hand and asks me if the scar (where the surgery occurred) is numb.

The Stranger!

And I start to get the giggles. And… They… Just… Won’t… Go… Away. I try to casually pass it off as something unrelated that I was thinking about and she’s pretty much ignoring my adolescent behavior, but I know she doesn’t appreciate it. None of this matters, because as hard as I try (even resorted to thinking about awful things) I just can’t control my laughter.

But then she determines it’s time to test the stiffness of my finger. And goodness gracious, did she get me to stop laughing in a hurry. She was twisting and pulling on this pinky (a very sensative pinky at that) to the point that I’m almost ready to drop tears and I just know she’s getting back at me because I was laughing inappropriately in her presence. I think she would have enjoyed hurting me anyway, but she really enjoyed hurting me because I was laughing.

Please share your experiences when you couldn’t stop laughng in an inapproprite setting.

2

Clown funeral - Mary Tyler Moore. Classic.
My doctor hates my innapropriate comments. I had a killer bad throat infection. Hurt like hell. High fever. Felt so bad I had to get Cousin Cindy (she can put her feet behind her head and fit her whole hand in her mouth. damn) to drive me there.

Doc gives me the lookover, shines lights in different peices of me. Then he tells me that tonsils are covered with puss. Before he could explain why that might be so, I rasp, “Guess that’s what I get for eating puss.”

Cousin starts giggling, Doc looks like he’s gonna puke, then starts giggling himself. I start, too, and it hurts like hell! Which makes Doc and Cuz laugh even more.

I got better.

3

Ah, yes. The Clown Funeral.

4

Yeah, last Christmas I drove out to a small town where my uncle is the pastor of a nicely built new church. During the “mass” they had two people up on stage, dressed like Mary and Joseph (they were even using a real baby as the Jesus).

Now, Joseph is played by this short man who was dressed in some sort of hooded, brown cloak, complete with rope around his waist. During the sermon, my 17 year-old little brother leans over to me and whispers in my ear, “Is that Frodo?”

First of all, it was funny, but the fact that we were sitting in the second row of the church made it unbearable. I was biting my tongue, trying not to look up…finally I couldn’t help it, although I contained the noise, my body was shaking. My face turned red and as I looked up towards the choir, I saw my aunt’s eyes (wife of the Pastor uncle) glaring down up on me.

I mean, I’m 26 years old here, and I felt like I was 10. Everytime I continued to look up and see Joseph/Frodo, I would spurt out laughs. I had to stare at the carpet for the remainder of the service.

The best part is that my brother knew how hard I was trying not to laugh, and it made him do the same. Sorry mom and dad, hope we didn’t embarrass you all!

5

Well, I know what I’m gonna try as soon as I get home.

Hello stranger!!

:smiley:

6

Chuckles Bites the Dust is the official name for this MTM ep - truly hilarious.

7

Many, many years ago I was really pissed at the Catholic church (I was raised Catholic), so I hadn’t been to service in a long, longer time–not even Christmas. This also meant that my kids hadn’t been to a Christmas service, ever. One year, my friend hounds me (in front of my kids) to attend her Church’s Christmas service, and against my better judgement, I agree to attend.

At some point through the service, we’re all given candles, which are then LIT. Imagine this–crowds of people, packed into church, myself and my daughters, who have no clue what is going on, all with singing and high spirits. At some point, we’re told to turn to page whatever for the next Christmas hymn, when my daughter drops her Christmas schedule hand out. Lit candle in hand, she reaches to grab the paper off the floor, and the next thing I know, she’s saying, “Mom! My hair is on fire.” Sure enough, there are flames shooting up from her rather poofy bangs. Smoke is everywhere and man, does it stink. The flames weren’t THAT big, and after one swat with my christmas schedule hand out, the flames were gone, and except for some scorches bangs, she was fine.

However, I was not.

Everyone around us was singing damn Christmas carols (still holding their lit candles), but you could see the looks on their faces as they caught a whiff of the most horrible aroma ever (scorched hair). All I could think is that this was God’s payback for not attending services in forever, then going with resentment. I lost it…that point of trying not to laugh, but my whole body is shaking, tear are streaming down my face and I’m biting my lip so hard it’s a wonder they didn’t fall off.

We left not too soon after that, however, it’s a really good Christmas story each year…“Hey, remember the time when Mom made us go to Church and Catherine set her hair on fire?”

8

I was at the dentist getting a cleaning, and they had all this apparatus set up on my face, shooting water into my mouth, sucking it out, recyling it into the water supply, I dunno what-all.

I was lying back with my eyes closed, and it occured to me I wouldn’t know if anybody spit into my mouth. Then I got an image of everybody in the office lining up, taking turns to spit into my mouth.

That cracked me up. And what made it worse is that it was a bad time to laugh, which of course made me need to laugh more. Eventually I let go, and the person cleaning my teeth had to stop.

I couldn’t tell what made me laugh, it was to damn stupid.

9

Once my friend and I were coming home from the bar. We weren’t drunk, but we were feeling fine. I think she may have had a tail light out or something, and the cops decide to pull us over. She said something that struck me as hilarious, and I could. not. stop. laughing. to save my life. The cop is looking at me like I’ve escaped from an asylum or something, my friend is shooting daggers at me, and I’m just laughing my ass off. How she managed to beat a ticket is beyond me.

Same friend (years earlier) and I worked together at a furniture store. We worked in the same large office, me on the switchboard and she on the cash register. I also did customer assistance stuff, like directing people to the various parts of the store. Anyhoo, I’m answering phones like a maniac, rather oblivious to the goings-on around me. All of a sudden, another line lights up and I answer it. It’s my girlfriend calling me from the other side of the office. She simply states, “Loose lips sink ships” and hangs up. Puzzled, I put the reciever down. I then notice that there is a customer standing by my little counter. This customer had THE BIGGEST LOWER LIP I’D EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. Kinda like Bubba Gump on steroids. I burst out laughing and actually had to leave the office to compose myself. My friend is cracking up and also can’t perform her job. We had to go outside for 20 minutes before we could pull ourselves together to continue working. I don’t think the customer had any clue that I was laughing at her (indirectly).

10

I was standing in a check-out line with my arms full of groceries. It was a busy night at the store and everyone was staring off into space with their blank stares as usual. I was next to the magazine rack, absent mindedly scanning the covers. A headline caught my eye: “Duck Hunters Shoot Angel.” It was on the front of one of those pseudo-newspapers and was accompanied by a photograph of an angel, complete with white robe and wings, face down in a swamp.

I stared at it for a while (since the line wasn’t moving) until it started to work on me. I slowly became aware of the absurdity of the concept behind the story. First a smile started at the corner of my mouth. Then I chuckled. Then my shoulders started to shake with laughter. I looked away and tried not to think of the soggy angel face down amid the cattails, the two shocked hunters staring on, still clutching their smoking guns. But the more I tried to put the image out of my mind the more it tickled me.

I wanted to show everybody what it was I was laughing at but I don’t believe they would have seen the same bizarre humor. I just stared at the floor, bit my lip, and paid for my grub with tears in my eyes.

11

The characters:
Me: high school sophomore
Kaisa: also high school sophomore. friend of mine
Mr. Westerberg: our Drama teacher also teaches English, very nice person
Mr. Brown: our English teacher, also very nice person

Yesterday (Friday). Lunchtime, just after 4th period Drama and before 5th period English. Mr. Brown often lets us eat lunch in his classroom (he’s “one of the cool teachers”) so we do. On the way there, we run into Mr. Westerberg, which is slightly unnerving, for no apparent reason, because he is, as mentioned above, very nice.

Westerberg: Hey guys!

Us: Hi!

Me (after he’s out of earshot): You know, it’s not like it was at the beginning of the year… but I’m still scared of him.

Kaisa: Me too! I mean, he’s a great teacher and all, but there’s just something about him…

Me: Yeah. Oh well.

15 or so minutes later. We’re eating in Mr. Brown’s room. We both have our backs to the door. Suddenly…

Brown: Ah, Mr. Westerberg!

Kaisa and I both turn around, and there he is. After the initial shock wears off, the humor of the moment overtakes us both. But mostly me. They discuss some kind of teacher-related business, talking over our laughter. When the business is settled…

Brown: You two are so weird.

Westerberg: Oh yeah. They are.

Brown: You have them too?

Westerberg: Of course. They’re always like this in my class.

This of course just makes us laugh harder.

I don’t think either of them has any clue what happened, and I’m not sure how we can explain it to them on Monday if they ask.

12

Yeah I know some people will probably think this was very inappropriate.
I am not a religious person but a friend invited me to go to his church youthgroup with another mutual friend of ours. Anyway they asked if anyone wanted everyone to pray for a family member or friend. The girl who starts asking was mentally retarded and she stuttered. And once the mutual friend started laughing I could’nt hold it. I know some would look down on this, but I just cannot feel guilty about laughing.

13

I got the giggles at my Grandad’s second funeral (One in England, one in Irland) . I was also sat at the front. I blame my brother for making me laugh.

14

We have a friend wo used to be vegetarian. We turned her. now she’s a carnivore, very strange. so my friends wrote a song,and planned a music video, involving her being chased through Auckland’s main street by a guitar…

So I’m in my Busary Latin exam. It’s mid November, the summer sun is shining on down and in an hour I’ll be done with school forever, hurrah! I’m translating like there’s no tomorrow when, out of nowhere, the image of Sarah fleeing a guitar pops into my head. And I giggle. And I giggle some more. And I stuff my fist in my mouth and choke on them for five full minutes. the act i was in the middle of an exam made it even harder to stop - eventually I asked to go to bathroom and giggled in there.

15

Years ago I use to have a best friend who is Pentecostal. One time I wanted to stay over at his house, and his parents agreed, but only if I’d attend a revival service with them. This was actually a second revival as one was held the night before.

While we were there, the pastor started asking rhetorical questions. He looked into the audience and said “Now what would cause me to hold two revivals?” I looked at my friend and whispered “LSD” we giggled a little. The pastor then continued to ask these kinds of questions, and each time I would whisper “LSD.”

Oh sure, I kind of felt guilty, but this service was 4 hours long, so I didn’t feel too bad.

16

I think I was a junior in college, in a statistics class with a very stolid professor. The class was in a hall that was basically a movie theater. I was close to the front and the Professor was on the edge of the ‘stage’ about 10ft away. Monica Lewinsky had been in the news a lot at that time. The professor, commenting on the case said, “…[L]eaving some with a bad taste in their mouth.” I tried not to laugh and even hid my face in my hand, but the Prof. started to giggle a little then the whole class got it.

17

Ok I gotta ask…whats a chilli dog? Oral after Anal?

18

I was at my grandfather’s funeral. As he was a devout Catholic, people were saying the rosary. After it had been going on for several minutes, my youngest cousin, who’s Jewish and must have been five at the time, piped up loudly with “MOM! They’re just saying the same thing over and over again!”

Everyone just cracked up. Fortunately, we all knew that my grandpa would have found that hilarious.

19

I’m a Catholic, and my mother told me of one time when I was about 4 or 5 we were a mass, and a woman behind us was talking loudly. Apparently I turned around and said “You’d better be quiet, or I’ll hit you with my rosary!”. I’m sure that had to make my mom laugh.

20

I was at my Aunt’s funeral and was trying very hard not to cry. The reader began to read from Psalms:

“Though I walk through the Valley of Darkness, I fear no evil. For you are at my side. Your cook and your staff shall comfort me.”

I nearly hurt myself.

Julie