Wife told me to fend for myself for dinner tonight. I went to a supermarket, but nothing looked good. I went to the deli, and realized what I was craving.
I bought a pound (only $2.47!) of Boars Head Liverwurst, a half pound of swiss cheese and a loaf of sliced Jewish rye (I have no idea why it’s called Jewish, that’s gotta be a General Question.)
I came home. I worked out. I ran.
I had the kind of hunger they talk about in Norse mythology.
I put two slices of rye in the toaster, sliced up half the Liverwurst, and a vidalia onion. You know this Liverwurst (always capitalized,) is the good stuff, because it’s grey. They didn’t color it to make it look nice. It stands on its own. The other speial thing that makes it great is that it doesn’t have one of those goddamn plastic wrappers. I have no idea what they stuff the Liverwurst into, maybe a giant intestine, or a pig bladder or some such, but it’s actually sewn closed.
It’s a great thing to see that somebody cares enough about Liverwurst to sew the casing closed.
The toast pops. On one slice I carefully and evenly lay that half pound of Liverwurst. On top of that I place a plethora of sliced onions. On top of that I lay 5 Snyder’s Jalapeno potato chips (don’t ask why, it just works, then swiss cheese (the kind with the tiny holes.) I slather Grey Poupon mustard on the remaining piece of bread, and cut it in half. Then I put it on top of the sandwich, and using the sliced half as a guide, cut through the remainder of the sandwich. A handful of chips, a pickle, and I’m ready to go.
I doubt it took me a minute to eat the whole thing.
It was perfect but it was over too soon.
So, I went back to the refrigerator and made another.
I ate that one too.
That was half an hour ago.
Unfortunately it seems that Liverwurst contains some kind of deadly gastrotoxin. By eating a whole pound I’ve achieved some kind of critical mass.
I feel really, really bad.
The wurst.
I think I’m going to die.
Good.
