I went to see a movie by myself last week. Sitting to my left was a young girl, maybe 6 or 7; to her left, her father (I presume). A normal day, a normal occurrence.
Except, with all the sexual stuff that has permeated the media over the past several weeks, I had a random but horrifying thought: what if this girl said something to her dad along the lines of ‘that man touched me’.
Here is what if: my life would be ruined. Just like that. That is all it would take to destroy my world.
I considered changing seats (I didn’t). I consciously edged myself toward the right, feeling stupid for doing so. I didn’t enjoy the movie as much as I would have if the thought had never entered my mind, because it never totally left my mind.
Forget about a lack of proof. Forget about due process. Forget about innocent until proven guilty. A single accusation – from anyone - is a death sentence to one’s reputation.
I feel sad for all the victims, and I know there are tons. But I also feel vulnerable and uneasy.
Have any other guys been bothered by this? Or am I needlessly obsessing?
I just heard that the Reverend Billy Graham had a very strict policy to never be alone with a female other than his wife. It might be a little too paranoid, but I suppose this would work.
I’ve had two situations where young girls have come on to me in an unmistakable sexual way when we were alone. It blew my mind that girls that young thought about sex or even knew about it at all. I got the hell out of there and made sure I was never alone with them again, but if they had said something to their parents, I’d be screwed big time. Who are the parents (and police) going to believe? Scary stuff!
I situations like you describe it might occur to me but I would dismiss it because a parent was present. Daughter might make an accusation but I would just say “Why would I do this with you [father] sitting right there?”
In less favorable situations with strangers I tend to make sure I (we) are in a public setting or I move away. In situations where I am known to the child (or woman) I am unconcerned. Proper behavior will not be misconstrued.
But I also remember the L.A. McMartin Preschool episode. Those folks were exonerated from any wrongdoing but their lives were nevertheless destroyed by the accusations.
Reasonable caution is a good thing. I’ve been in a couple of situations that made me extremely nervous. We had a neighbor with a young daughter (grade school) who came to our house on many occasions just to “hang out”. There was no male presence to speak of at home and she saw us a surrogate grandparents. But she was very clingy and would fling herself on me. I always gently removed her, but I told my wife not to leave us alone together. I also wouldn’t let her come into the house if I was home alone. I know her mom trusted us, but still . . .
Another time, at a public campground, I went into the men’s room and there were two young girls in there for some reason. I told them they needed to leave, but they were reluctant. So I left and waited outside. They came out eventually and headed for their campsite. I followed them over there and spoke with the father about the incident. Sheesh.
I don’t worry about it because I don’t believe your premise.
Sexual harassment accusations are like any other criminal accusations. You won’t be convicted on the unsupported word of one accuser. Especially a child.
Now if five or six different children accuse you of “touching” them, then people would believe you were guilty.
Both pre teens. Found out later one had an older brother who talked to her about sex sometimes. He had male friends who had older brothers that told him about sex.
The other girl had parents that were splitting up. I didn’t know it at the time.
You are talking about two very different things here - guilt in court of law (very high bar to clear,) and guilt in societal opinion (doesn’t take much at all.)
The OP wasn’t just talking about criminal conviction, he was talking about his fears for his reputation.
No, not needlessly obsessing. I’m bothered by this a great deal. I would have moved, even though the father was sitting right there. I’ve seen to many irate fathers, worked up over accusations of misbehavior toward the females in their family, who wouldn’t listen to, or couldn’t use reason. Sometimes it lead to fist-fighting, sometimes it lead to cops being called and the father pressing charges. No matter the outcome, the process of getting there is never pretty and always destructive.
I wonder though, how long this episode of heightened awareness of sexual misconduct will last. I fear that in the devisive and corrosive political atmosphere of todays society, it will devolve into a witch hunt filled with accusations based on the flimsiest or no evidence at all.
I think about this a lot. When I walk through a park, sometimes the only park benches available to sit at are facing the playground equipment. I should be allowed to sit there, but I know as a weird looking old guy I don’t want to be accused of hanging around looking at kids. All it would take is one false assumption and I’d be toast, or at the least personally devastated. Even looking at a kid as they walk by on a public street makes me feel guilty.
I have avoided urinals in public restrooms for decades, owing to the unacceptable risk of a child outside saying “Daddy, that man showed me his weenie”. Which, I suppose, would not be a completely inaccurate interpretation of what goes on in a men’s room.
Jews on a Plane? (No, I am not gonna be the one to make the Samuel L. Jackson joke!)
Back on the topic of false accusations by children, I remember a case where a small girl (I think younger than 6 or 7) told her father a story about how their next-door neighbor was coming through her window at night and touching her. So her father murdered the next-door neighbor. And it came out that the girl had dreamed it / made it up. I can’t seem to google it back up, but I’m assuming that the father was sent away for a long time.