That is* so much[/I} information that I really did not need to know! 
I’m not sure whether they were being progressive or just finding an ingenius way of discouraging sex.
Michael has finally convinced Katherine to go all the way. As she lifts her plaid skirt and exposes the gateway to paradise, Michael is overwhelmed by images of animated mucus membranes. The inner voice that has been saying “Now! Now! I want sex, now!” Is replaced by one saying “If no egg is fertilized, the uterus sloughs this extra, blood-rich lining of cells.”
This will cause your average teen boy to go from trembling with desire and anticipation, to trembling as he fights to keep his dinner down.
Re The Magic Of Film
I know what you mean. My briest friend collects rare and strange films. While watching his latest acquisition on vhs is always fun, the time that really stands out is the Ray Walston (My Favorite Martian) movie he found on film. He had to bring over one of his projectors and a screen. There was a far greater sense of watching a treasure that had been hidden and forgotten
I derive great joy from my reel of The Seventh Voyage Of Sinbad, despite the fact I don’t own a projector. It’s a relic from my childhood before vcr’s were sold. The elementary school showed movies in the cafeteria on saturday afternoons. Sometimes, if all of us asked politely, the adult in charge would run a reel throw backwards. Admission IIRC was one dollar. To see a movie at home, you needed a grown up to set up the screen and run the projector. There was no chit chat, because it was near impossible to rewind.
I’ve seen a few, and well, even speaking as a woman, I wouldn’t exactly call them hilarious. (Before you ask, Northwestern U. in my hometown used to run a B-Movie Fest every year: 24 straight hours of the absolute worst sci-fi, horror, and extremely random movies you can possibly imagine. One movie, Groucho Marx’s last, featured him in a Buddhist monk’s saffrom robes, as well as Grace Jones showing off her rear cleavage. To this day, nobody except my immediate circle of friends will believe this film even existed.)
Betwwen main feature films, they wold always throw in a short or two. My personal favorite was USS V.D.: Ship of Shame, a lovely military educational film. The basic plot is that nobody on the sub heeds the ship doc’s advice during a shore leave to double-bag it, and they come down with a laundry list of nasty diseases…graphic symptomatic footage and all. Every guy in the audience was cringing and crossing his legs. Especially the ones who were under the influence of various illicit substances.
I went through elementary school in the mid 80’s/early 90’s. I don’t remember a whole lot about the filmstrips we watched, except for the fact that it seems like they were ALL made by a company called Coronet. 'Course, this was out in the sticks, so maybe the school could only get the REALLY low-rent films. I remember that most of the paper copied in the school was copied with a mimeograph, so they were printed in purple and were slightly moist when fresh. I’m not sure, but I don’t think that mimeographs were very common in 1989.
The only part I have trouble believing is that Grace didn’t insist on a more revealing costume. She’s a bizzare, and probably dangerous individual, and quite an exhibitionist.
If only she’d respond to my letters :sigh:
Back To The OP
Fenris is quite a fan of Disney’s educational films. IIRC Mathemagicland is available on dvd, but the Scrooge McDuck economics film (How many clubs for a tiger skin? And how many skins for a spear?) is not.
I also think we’ve skipped over a significant segment of educational films-
Driving Safety
Red Highway, Blood On The Asphalt etc. I remember some kids nearly vomitting when an actor would hemmorage what was clearly red crayola poster paint. Most of us were unmoved even by those films which included actual footage of accident victims being scraped off the highway.
I do remember being impressed at some of the celebrities that did films telling us not to drink and drive. Years later, I realized that Don Johnson almost certainly appeared in that film as part of a plea agreement in a dui case.
I do remember two effective film. Though, I don’t recall the title. A man in a tux is standing in the morgue. He gives a little speech where he hints that he’s Death. He pulls open a few drawers, one at a time, and asks the folks how they died. The deceased talk to the camera, muted sound effects punctuate their tales of drinking and driving (except for a comic relief moment when Death accidentally opens the drawer of a granny who died in her recliner while watching tv). The whole film is understated and quiet instead of screaming and graphic.
The other is loud, absurd and camp. It featured a big, light up game board and vignettes depicting different myths about drinking- waiting 15 minutes will sober you up no matter how much you drank, sweating you will make you sober, eating food while drinking cancels out the booze, etc. Each vignette ended with the drinker in question passing out, stumbling, or in some way demonstrating just how thoroughly intoxicated they are. At that point, one of the other characters says “Sure, mack, sure.”
We used to get those black and white travel films…happy locals dancing to folk songs in native costumes and footage showing how they make cheese. Plus there was always the “witty” puns by the voice over announcer, “Boy, I’ll bet that is the happiest donkey in San Juan!”
Of course, watching those films was always more fun that math class.
I do remember sneaking down the hallway with my friends to peek through the girls gym class door to watch the film of a woman giving birth. You should have heard the noises coming from that shocked class of 8th grade girls. If I am not mistaken, the doctor in that film actually had a stethoscope and one of those odd, round metal doohickeys on his head.
I’ve just spent the past few hours searching GQ for an old thread that would have been perfect to link to here. Couldn’t find it. Since I wanna go ta bed, I humbly ask you pretend that I found and posted the link to ‘Can you really watch women having sex with donkeys in Tijuana?’
I could’ve spent that time sleeping, or repairing the adjustable dress-makers’ dummy I’m giving to a friend, or working on the lich impression I plan to surprise my friends with tommorow. Instead, I wasted it searching for a thread I could not find.
I’m aggravated enough to start a Pit thread. But, I’d rather not draw so much attention to the fact that I was searching for a donkey show thread or the fact I failed to find it.
Back To The OP
Amazon Women On The Moon includes a marvellous parody of these films. A shot of Bela Lugosi from an early version of Island Of Dr Mureau is used. Instead of the Sayer Of The Law, the man beast is presented as ‘Pete, who just couldn’t stay away from beer and ciggarettes.’
And, of course, The Simspons have done a few- The food chain ‘Now, let’s go see the killing floor. Oh, don’t be fooled by the name. It’s really more of a mesh that allows fluids to sluice through.’, DNA ‘DNA is G-d’s recipe for making you. Mmm, that’s good Billy.’ Sand ‘Whether you’re filling an hourglass or making low-grade windshields…’, the moon ‘Slow down, tubby! You’re not on the moon yet.’ sex ‘…and they never gave in to their throbbing biological urges.’, and of course zinc ‘Come back zinc!’
sniff I miss all those old filmstrips.
Why hasn’t anyone put together some compilations? I’d certainly buy one with Hemo and the more funny ones on it.
Just like I bought School House Rock.
I also miss all those rosy Disney films they used to show in the auditorium once every few months, Hang Your Hat On The Wind is a title I seem to recall about a boy trying to save his pony.
Golden times.