Those Canadians...

I have a theory. Actually, I have lots of theories, some of them are actually serious. But this one isn’t, despite the fact that the more I think of it the more it seems true. My theory: Canada isn’t just a country, it is a huge haven for potsmokers. Not like potsmokers need a haven, I mean there are plenty of them here, but they probably just wanted their own country (I’ve heard Jamaica is full). No, wait, don’t give up on me yet, I actually have points to support this. My points in random order:

Point 89: Their flag. It’s a pot leaf. Of course it’s supposed to be a maple leaf, but that’s just a cover up. Of course it’s red, but that’s a cover up too. A very flaunting one, too-I mean, next to green, red is the color you would associate with getting high (blood-shot eyes). They get better, just wait…

Point 4.3: Ice Fishing. Who has ever fished? Ok, who has ever fished and actually caught a fish? Now, take that and put it in temperatures cold enough to make Hilary Clinton at least say, “It’s a bit nipply in here,” and you’ll have ice fishing. So what the hell does it have to do with pot? The people who do it are obviously high, how else could they have that much fun doing it? I imagine it started off as a bet one day by one stoner to another, and originated from there.

Point Pi: The way the talk. For God’s sake, listen to them! Every other word is “eh?” It might as well be “man” or “dude”. The force of the reefer is definitely strong there. And they’re so slow when they try to talk, too. It’s like listening to a four year old with alzheimers (no offense to any four year olds out there). This obviously ties in with the old fact about their reaction time being slower that we all learned about in driver’s ed.

Point X: Their cops ride horses. Can’t you imagine some stoner cop thinking it would be a good idea to ride an animal through the streets. They could’ve chosen an animal that had a little more exotic appeal like a giraffe or maybe even a kangaroo, but it’s the subtlety that is really the point. It’s like they’re saying “Yeah it’s crazy, but not crazy enough to prove anything.” Damn sneaky canucks.

Well, that’s my theory, I hope you subscribe. Remember, the first issue is free and the rest are just $535.39 apiece. That’s $300 more than the store price! But anyway I have to be going now. I have a big, uh, ice-fishing trip that I have to go to…


Been into the brownies, Blue?

The Flag: I was 28 years of age before I ever saw a red sugar maple leaf, as is on the flag. It is a spectacular sight, and I’m sad that during my life in Western Canada, I could never see it.

Ice Fishing: Ever been to the Arctic? My sister and her husband live on an island in the middle of the lake, and frequently ice fish their dinner. My kid, when he was five, caught fish that way.

The way we speak: Ever listened to Pauly Shore? American.

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police ride horses for exhibition purposes only. The Musical Ride is a beautiful way to preserve what there is left of Canadian Heritage. I have never seen a regular cop on patrol on a horse. Bikes, motorcycles, on foot and in cruisers, but never on a horse other than ceremonial occasions.

So. Ever been up to Canada? I hear it’s really nice, eh. And the women are hot.

I’ll second the women being hot bit. Best looking girl I know is Canadian. :slight_smile:

And the men.

The Flag: It’s a nice flag. Just like Canadians themselves: nice.

Ice Fishing: Misnomer. *Excuse to sit around and drink 32 beers, * actually.

The way they speak: Ever…listened to…William…Shatner?

“The Musical Ride is a beautiful way to preserve what there is left of Canadian Heritage.” I rode a mule in Canada once. He was very musical. Probably too much dry hay.

Canada: The women are hot. They have to be.

“And people get snarky in the States way too fast. I was doing a show in Los Angeles, and this woman came up to me and said, ‘Are you really from Canada?’ I said yes, and she said ‘Uhh, oh my god, I could never live there, it’s so - cold!’ I said, 'Excuse me, asshole, is that your house I just saw slide down the cliff behind us? I’ll put on an extra sweater!”

  • Maggie Cassella

What’s pot?

$CA535.39…what’s that? About $US3.84?

Ahhhh, jus’ joshin’! You know we love America Jr., or as I affectionately call Canada, America’s hat.


Much pot here…the best comes from the Mennonite farms. (No pestisides.)

While out in Calgary last week, I noticed they have something we here in Ontario don’t…they have beer 15s, 18s and 30s !!! I am most definitely moving to Calgary!!! Pot and bigger cases of beer. :smiley:

I’ve seen cops on horseback. The mountain in the center of my city is protected parkland and the mounted cops have their own little precinct. It’s no different than the mounted cops in New York’s Central Park. They’re strictly municipal authority, not RCMP.

Vancouver also has mounted municipal cops, mostly for Stanley Park. They also cover parades and other big gatherings; I saw them last following the route of a big anti-government protest. Nice guys, nice horses! :smiley:

America has all kinds of cops on horses. I know this because I saw a cop on a horse in Ghostbusters, and on “McLeod”.

Or maybe I was high at the time.

Not to mention that they have the only politician who has proved himself worthy of our trust around here…

Ok, ok, one or two of the times when I went to the Arch in St. Louis I saw cops on horseback, but I mean, St. Louis is close to Canada, isn’t it? Well, anyway, we can’t let truth get in the way of facts…or something like that.

On a different subject, has anyone noticed that what we affectionately call “the South” here in the states actually is a very large percentage of the continental U.S.? Granted some of it is really “Southwest,” it’s still the South, and they still have a drawl. Upon realizing this I would like to make a disclaimer that this isn’t a bad thing; but to tell you the truth, I think it starts in the southern portion of my county (I live in Illinois) or at least below Springfield.

To me, where I live is part of the South (as oppsed to the North, which starts where the rocks change, the farms peter out into the forest, and the large animals outnumber the humans). Detroit is just beyond the Southwest. And when I make a run for the border, I end up in Buffalo.

Now, if I prepend “American” to either “South” or “Southwest”, that’s a whole different thing… :slight_smile:

And there are lots of mounted city police in Toronto.

Yea, the city police in Montreal has horses, as Bryan Ekers said. They cover Mount Royal Park in a fashion it would be impractical for car-based cops to do.

They can also be called upon in a pinch to kick in the occasional pinko’s head at an inconvenient protest. :rolleyes:

in philly police on horseback patrol center city. for about 5 years they also patroled various neighbourhoods. very cool to see a police horse on the corner of your street.

Speaking of horses…

That new Dreamworks movie kind of makes me want to strap on a loin cloth and go jump on my horse.