I have a theory. Actually, I have lots of theories, some of them are actually serious. But this one isn’t, despite the fact that the more I think of it the more it seems true. My theory: Canada isn’t just a country, it is a huge haven for potsmokers. Not like potsmokers need a haven, I mean there are plenty of them here, but they probably just wanted their own country (I’ve heard Jamaica is full). No, wait, don’t give up on me yet, I actually have points to support this. My points in random order:
Point 89: Their flag. It’s a pot leaf. Of course it’s supposed to be a maple leaf, but that’s just a cover up. Of course it’s red, but that’s a cover up too. A very flaunting one, too-I mean, next to green, red is the color you would associate with getting high (blood-shot eyes). They get better, just wait…
Point 4.3: Ice Fishing. Who has ever fished? Ok, who has ever fished and actually caught a fish? Now, take that and put it in temperatures cold enough to make Hilary Clinton at least say, “It’s a bit nipply in here,” and you’ll have ice fishing. So what the hell does it have to do with pot? The people who do it are obviously high, how else could they have that much fun doing it? I imagine it started off as a bet one day by one stoner to another, and originated from there.
Point Pi: The way the talk. For God’s sake, listen to them! Every other word is “eh?” It might as well be “man” or “dude”. The force of the reefer is definitely strong there. And they’re so slow when they try to talk, too. It’s like listening to a four year old with alzheimers (no offense to any four year olds out there). This obviously ties in with the old fact about their reaction time being slower that we all learned about in driver’s ed.
Point X: Their cops ride horses. Can’t you imagine some stoner cop thinking it would be a good idea to ride an animal through the streets. They could’ve chosen an animal that had a little more exotic appeal like a giraffe or maybe even a kangaroo, but it’s the subtlety that is really the point. It’s like they’re saying “Yeah it’s crazy, but not crazy enough to prove anything.” Damn sneaky canucks.
Well, that’s my theory, I hope you subscribe. Remember, the first issue is free and the rest are just $535.39 apiece. That’s $300 more than the store price! But anyway I have to be going now. I have a big, uh, ice-fishing trip that I have to go to…