Thou shalt bake the chicken pot pie 62 - 65 minutes. No more, no less.

[Ornery_Bob]

The OP characterization of the cooking instructions is for entertainment purposes only. The actual directions are quite detailed and make it clear that cooking times are NOT exact.
You can read the directions here, if you care.

[Leo_Bloom]

@mmmiiikkkeee

A lot of sous-vide cooking (but not all) doesn’t actually finish a meal, it just gets the piece of food to the exact temperature desired, and you finish it after that by browning or other means. Many times the cooker/water bath is set to the actual temperature you want the food to be at and once the food gets to that temperature, you can leave it there and it won’t get any hotter, whereas if you leave something in a 400 degree oven too long it climbs way above the 170 degree temperature you’re shooting for.

So those types of sous-vide cooking times can actually be quite forgiving; you can leave your medium rare steak in the cooker for an extra 45 minutes and it won’t overcook. Leave it under a broiler for an extra 2 minutes and it can get ruined.

Yes, the “overcook by too much time–exceed temperature or moisture loss” window is essentially permanently open with sous-vide, one of its saving graces, and actually the reason for its very existence as a technique originating in busy restaurant kitchens; OTOH, the “overcook by too much time–exceed protein structural integrity and wind up with weird mushy food” window replaces it.

[nightshadea]

did you notice that no matter the cooking time it says make sure the inside gets to 165f making the timing redundant to begin with

[Isilder]

And the very first instruction is to keep it frozen, so its got to be below 32F and above 165 F at the same time ???

Well anyway, since its factory made to be same amount of stuff and it starts at 30F accurately (±5F ) and sits in 400F (±5 ? ) air, as accurately as your oven thermometer/thermostat is , it will be cooked in a precise time, won’t it ?

[Atamasama]

@chappachula

psstttt…it’s a reference to Monty Python

It is, and a quite good one, except the subject says to cook 62-65 minutes and the OP puts it at 63-65 minutes during the Pythonism.

Hence the appeal to editing.

[cwniles]

O Lord, please don’t burn us.
Don’t grill or toast Your flock.
Don’t put us on the barbecue
Or simmer us in stock.
Don’t braise or bake or boil us
Or stir-fry us in a wok.
Oh, please don’t lightly poach us
Or baste us with hot fat.
Don’t fricassee or roast us
Or boil us in a vat,
And please don’t stick Thy servants, Lord,
In a Rotissomat.

[dracoi]

@nightshadea

supposedly no microwave will cook something the same way twice so you can make a bag of popcorn and not burn it and make a second bag the exact same way and it burns making it coal

It’s not just a supposedly, it’s really true. I use bags of microwave popcorn that say 1:45 to 2:30. At the office, the break room microwave will literally burn a bag of popcorn at 1:48, but 1:45 does come out nicely. At home, 2:15 is probably best, but it won’t burn before 2:30.

[mmmiiikkkeee]

@dracoi

It’s not just a supposedly, it’s really true. I use bags of microwave popcorn that say 1:45 to 2:30. At the office, the break room microwave will literally burn a bag of popcorn at 1:48, but 1:45 does come out nicely. At home, 2:15 is probably best, but it won’t burn before 2:30.

But that’s not what ** nightshadea’s ** quote says… it says the same microwave will cook the same product differently every time despite using the same power setting and number of seconds; that I don’t buy. Sure 2 different microwaves may have different cooking times for a given product, but the same one isn’t going to randomly put out different amounts of power and cook the item differently every time it’s operated. I’ve never observed this and don’t see any reason why it would be true.

[simster]

@MindsEye_Watering

Yes. 5 minutes. No more…no less.

WHich makes that first bite ‘melt your mouth’ delicious.

[Atamasama]

@simster

WHich makes that first bite ‘melt your mouth’ delicious.

Tastes like burning.

[TBG]

@DrCube

I suggest trying it sometime. They’re noticeably better when cooked in the oven. Just don’t wait until you’re hungry to start them. But if you have nothing else to do and you think you will be hungry in an hour or so, throw them in the oven and give it a try.

Meh, only real difference I’ve noticed is that they’re more likely to have some of the innards bubble out of the top (despite following the instructions to cut vents in the top of the pie) in the microwave. As for eating they’re pretty much as good either way.

Unless you have an underpowered microwave. If it’s not 1100 watts or more, you probably shouldn’t bother trying.

[Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew]

@Channing_Idaho_Banks

Those chicken pot pies are terrible.

I don’t think they even contain any pot at all.

[JohnGalt]

@don_t_ask

I recall reading something by legendary sports agent Mark McCormack where he recommended starting meetings at odd times for odd lengths of time. Not 9 am for a 30 minute meeting but 9:03 for a 22 minute meeting. He felt that it made the time allocated seem more important and made it easier for people to remember. Maybe something along those lines?

Or those oddly-specific 7 MPH Signs that are said to catch your attention, rather than ignoring the 10 MPH signs.

Or to quote the hitchhiker in There’s Something About Mary:

Hitchhiker: No! No, no, not 6! I said 7. Nobody’s comin’ up with 6. Who works out in 6 minutes? You won’t even get your heart goin, not even a mouse on a wheel.
Ted: That - good point.
Hitchhiker: 7’s the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 dwarves. 7, man, that’s the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin’ on a branch, eatin’ lots of sunflowers on my uncle’s ranch. You know that old children’s tale from the sea. It’s like you’re dreamin’ about Gorgonzola cheese when it’s clearly Brie time, baby. Step into my office.
Ted: Why?
Hitchhiker: ‘Cause you’re fuckin’ fired!

[Hampshire]

Marie Callender’s Chicken Pot Pies are delicious.
Absolutely horrible nutrition wise.
41 grams of fat (11 saturated)
54 grams of carbs
1002 mg of sodium

[Sam_Stone]

The altitude you are at also affects cooking times. Especially true if boiling something.

[Leo_Bloom]

@cwniles

O Lord, please don’t burn us.
Don’t grill or toast Your flock.
Don’t put us on the barbecue
Or simmer us in stock.
Don’t braise or bake or boil us
Or stir-fry us in a wok.
Oh, please don’t lightly poach us
Or baste us with hot fat.
Don’t fricassee or roast us
Or boil us in a vat,
And please don’t stick Thy servants, Lord,
In a Rotissomat.

Nice. Yours?

[cwniles]

@Leo_Bloom

Nice. Yours?

I suppose I should have included the writer(s), performer(s) and song title but no, it is not mine. I was distracted by the previous Monty Python references in the thread and was in an MP state of mind.

It is from the “Monty Python Sings” album and is titled

“Oh Lord, Please Don’t Burn Us”.
Sorry for the late response but I guess better late than never?

[Cartoonacy]

You want precise baking instructions? In 2007, baker Meg Hourihan collected 26 favorite chocolate chip cookie recipes from readers of her blog. Rather than try them all individually, Meg averaged them out into “A Mean Chocolate Chip Cookie.” The recipe from her blog is:

2.04 cups all-purpose flour
0.79 tsp. salt
0.79 tsp. baking soda

0.805 stick unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
0.2737 stick unsalted butter, cold
0.5313 stick unsalted butter, melted
(1 US stick = 8 tablespoons = 1/4 lb.)

0.84 cups light brown sugar
0.10 cups dark brown sugar
0.54 cups white sugar

1.33 eggs
0.33 egg yolk
1.46 tsp. vanilla extract
0.17 tbsp. water
0.25 tbsp. milk

1.53 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

DIRECTIONS
Pre-heat oven to 354.17°F, or as close as you can get.

Sift flour, salt, and baking soda together in medium bowl. Set aside.

Using a hand or stand mixer, cream butter and sugars until incorporated and smooth. Add vanilla, water, milk and eggs. Mix until all ingredients are combined. Add flour, salt, and baking soda and blend until fully incorporated. Stir in chocolate chips.

Cover and chill dough in the refrigerator for 25 minutes.

Place parchment paper on one-third of cookie sheet, drop dough by rounded tablespoons onto sheet. Some cookies will be on parchment, others off. Cook for 13.04 minutes.

This recipe also appeared in the wonderful book Cooking For Geeks: Real Science, Great Hacks, and Good Food by Jeff Potter

[Voyager]

@Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew

I don’t think they even contain any pot at all.

You obviously haven’t tried the Colorado version.

[Voyager]

@mmmiiikkkeee

But that’s not what ** nightshadea’s ** quote says… it says the same microwave will cook the same product differently every time despite using the same power setting and number of seconds; that I don’t buy. Sure 2 different microwaves may have different cooking times for a given product, but the same one isn’t going to randomly put out different amounts of power and cook the item differently every time it’s operated. I’ve never observed this and don’t see any reason why it would be true.

Costco movie theater popcorn (and Orville Redenbacher which they sold before and which I bet this is) says to cook it for 2:30, and cooking it for exactly 2:30 gives perfect results every time. Amazing. Safeway popcorn on the other hand starts burning at a minute and gets worse after that.

Frozen vegetable packages I have know give a wide range of cooking times based on microwave power.