Thoughts on this email response? Please proof and suggest

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’d prefer to say to close family&friend person : STFU, my kid, he’s fine. We’re on it.

However, I’d prefer to not completely alienate close family&friend person, even if we only get over to each other’s side of the country once a year and speak weekley.

The email I got:

I heard a radio show on the way into work today that prompted this email. I remember you chose to postpone a shot for [Wolfie] that the doctor recommended saying you wanted to do more research on it. This program this morning talked about the importance of children’s vaccines and not to miss any. I am hoping that you, as caring parents, are taking care of this in a timely manner to protect [Wolfie’s] future health. Thanks!

My response (not yet sent):

*The two vaccinations we postponed at that appointment were for Hepatitis B (a sexually transmitted disease) and Chicken Pox.

I have had chicken pox twice, and am currently not immune to catching chickenpox again. Recent studies have shown that the vaccination for chicken pox in children is only somewhat effective, like most vaccinations, and protection does eventually wear off.

Research into the efficacy of the chicken pox vaccine is still going on (it is pretty new vaccine as far as childhood immunizations go), and the most recent studies have indicated that for maximum effectiveness, it be administered at approximately 15 months of age.

http://www.medem.com/medlb/article_detaillb.cfm?article_ID=ZZZL5I0UWQD&sub_cat=2

Thank you for the information and your concern. *

Other details: We’ve been spreading out and delaying his vaxes, sure it costs us more in co-pays but the kid only has to deal with two at a time instead of 4-6. He’s gotten all of them excluding the STD one (Hep B) and the Chicken pox. At the time of the “incident”, he was only 12 months old.

Would getting that email back piss you off? Does it need to be nicer, more detailed, does it seem as though it will alleviate their concerns without alienating them completely?

2

I think it’s perfect. You give specific information about why you’re delaying the vaccines. I would only add that you and your doctor are on top of the situation and things will be handled accordingly.

Then, I would no longer share personal medical information with this family&friend person. I think they were acting out of concern, and you responded appropriately. No harm, no foul.

3

I think it’s excellent, well-thought out and quite rational and polite. (Probably more kind than I would have written, which would have started with “WTF?” and ended with me feeling really guilty. :smack: )

Kudos to you for A. researching such an important topic and B. realizing your friend is only trying to be helpful.

Of course, if she doesn’t take your response so well, you may have to move onto the STFU, it’s my kid response, but I’m glad you’re reasonable enough to go this way first.

4

You’re much kinder than I would be.
My response would be something to the effect of:

“Dear Whomever,
Thank you for your concern regarding the wellbeing of my child. However, he is my child, not yours. We are doing what we think is correct for us.”

That would be it.

A friend of mine, knowing my lask of religious beliefs, felt the need to send those inspiring e-mails, she also chose to testify to me via e-mail. My response was akin to the one I wrote- thank you for your concern, buzz off.

5

I think that once you start defending your decision, you open yourself up to having to justify any and all details that your friend disagrees with. If you are comfortable with your decision regarding vaccinations, then I would simply respond with something along the lines of “Thanks for the information!” and leave it at that.

If they persist in trying to tell you how to parent your child, I would talk about that to them directly rather than arguing about the details of any of your specific decisions. You can be friendly, but firm, e.g. “I can appreciate your concern, but I find it frustrating when you criticize how I’m raising Wolfe.”

6

Your email could be condensed to, simply: Thanks for the infomation and your concern.

7

I’d probably cut the sender some slack. There are nutters that oppose vaccinations on general principles and end up endangering their kids and others; your friend may have thought that you were one of those. By your response, you seem to be fully on top of things and more informed than most (me, for example).

If they keep it up, I’d feel different.

8

Or, “Nunya.” :smiley:

9

Regarding HepB - if I remember correctly, it’s not “just” an STD…

I know that working in hospitals and clinics, it’s a must - it can also be trasmitted by a bunch of other “bodily fluids” and such. Most schools also require the vaccination before kids can start…

As for the OP’s letter - I think it’s perfectly fine. It’s your kid, your choice, and as you said your friend is only acting out of concern and kindness. :slight_smile:

10

Perfect response. You are not under any obligation to explain yourself. You are only obligated to be polite in your response to someone you care about. Perfect!

11

It may just become a “thxinfo” but politer.

hep-b well, I guess you could make a case for the kids biting or being bitten … but still, from what I’ve seen of it, it was my understanding that it’s just like an std … so damn ‘hard’ to get that you need intimate contact/exchange of bodily fluids to get it.

And most of the arguments I’ve seen for getting it at all is “kids become sexually active way before we’d like to admit it” … which is fine and dandy but he’s twelve months old. I’d prefer to at least hold off until middle school.

12

I concur with Elenfair about HepB: when I was an emergency room volunteer I was given that series of shots, because of the chance that I’d be exposed to infected fluids (blood, specifically). The hospital provided the shots free to staff and certain volunteers. I don’t know the policy of any schools regarding the shots, but I know it’s not just an STD. However, like Mynn says, it shouldn’t be much of an issue for your little guy at the moment.

I also think your letter is fine, though I tend to side with those who say you shouldn’t have to defend your choices regarding your child’s well-being. I’d go with some variation on a simple “thanks for the info,” but what you have is good, too. :slight_smile:

13

Yeah, what the giraffe said. Explaining and defending just furthers the illusion that this is any of that person’s business.

14

More “me too” here.

I’d also add the sentiment: “You can rest assured [spouse] and I will do what is best for our child.” Which is a nice, reasonable, adult way to offer them a nice cup of STFU.

15

Hep B:

http://cpmcnet.columbia.edu/dept/gi/hepB.html

Looks like everyone is right on this one - Mynn for recognizing that Wolfe is not likely to need to worry about contracting Hep B in the near future, and for all the hospital folks for getting their shots for work.

There seemded to be a little confusion on the specifics, and I’d thought I’d do my bit for the cause.

16

What UrbanChic wrote. You really don’t need to justify your actions and writing your rationale only encourages debate on the matter.

That being said, were it MY child, I’d get him the Hep B shot. :smiley:

17

Well, Mynn did say this is a close family&friend person. I think a curt “Thanks for the info” may be a little hurtful. If this were an acquaintance, it would be appropriate. But since this is a CF&F person, a little explanation would not be out of hand.

YMMV. Of course, if the CF&F person keeps pushing about the immunization, then you can start to get a little chilly. But for now, she offered the info in the spirit of helping, and you’re returning the favor. You’re both trying to dispel ignorance, so cut her a bit of slack.

18

I just don’t respond any more. I don’t tell them how to parent their kids or expect them to justify their parenting/medical decisions so who are they to do that to me? I give them the courtesy of accepting that they have evaluated the evidence and reached a decision they can live with and I expect that in return.

When I don’t get it, I simply do not engage any more. It’s not my job to convince them that my decisions are rational in light of our personal circumstances and it’s rude for them to try and convince me that I am a nutjob.

I have been known to quietly say that my paed, paediatric psychiatrist and GP are all comfortable with the decisions we’ve made.

19

I agree with Giraffe; thank the friend for the concern, but don’t explain or justify, or you’re opening up a dialogue on the subject.

20

IANAD, but while I know that the most common source of Hep B infection is sexual conduct and needle sticks and that sort of thing, I have heard that it is a very robust little disease and can theoretically remain viable out in the air much longer than, say, HIV.

I might be off-base there, but I’d get the vaccine before my kid spent too much quality time with other children who do have a tendancy to emit bodily fluids - definatley before school, whether it’s required or not. Of course, it isn’t my child.