Tomorrow I’m off and I’m going to try to clean up the living room and dining room and maybe give Stokie a three week trial with the other cats. Surely after three weeks Himself won’t be able to bear to get rid of the little guy.
Himself is as big a slob as I am, unfortunately. I do do most of the cleaning because I do also most of the mess making. The vast majority of it is my crap. His crap is essentially confined to “his” areas and a quadrant of the living room, which he’s no great shakes at cleaning up but that has more of the “one broken window” effect than a real “getting stuff everywhere” thing.
See, I find this to be immaterial really. My rule is, if there’s any reasonable case to be made that you are a resident (and it sounds like there’s a reasonable case to be made that he lives there), or you’re spending the bulk of your non-work time there, then unless you’re helping with the cleaning and tidying, you do not get to bitch about the level of messiness. Relative proportions of mess don’t really count here. He’s using the common areas, I take it? Using the bathroom? Kitchen? Hanging out watching TV in the living room? If so, then it’s exactly as incumbent on him to help clean as it is on you. Now, if he were doing the bulk of the housework and you were coming along behind him causing mess, then he’d have a legitimate complaint here.
Aaaaaaaaand I forgot to answer the question in the OP, which is “No, three cats probably doesn’t make you a crazy cat lady” =D As long as a person keeps the number of cats under about number of people in household + 4, and is at least trying to keep the associated litterbox mess under control, I’m not even thinking crazy cat lady.
However, if he’s bitching about the mess while sitting on his ass watching TV (or playing on the computer or doing whatever it is his hobby/favorite passtime is), then in my opinion, he needs a tall, ice-cold glass of STFU. In other words, the rule I enforce (and was raised under) is “no helpy, no bitchie”.
Generally speaking, he doesn’t bitch about the mess. But I raised the issue of adding a cat, and he’s certainly not wrong to say, “Hey, wait a minute, the shit the two cats we have knocked down a month ago is still on the floor.”
Then it sounds like your ability to keep Stokie is contingent upon your ability to work toward a cleaner place. This does fall upon both of you, but I know how hard it is to get cleaner when you’re both slobs and only one of you is trying to change that.
If he says, “Hey, waith a minute, the shit the two cats we have knocked down a month ago is still on the floor”, then perhaps the answer is some very polite variant of, “Yeah, we’ve really been falling down on the job, but we’ll get better.” Make it clear that you’re working to get cleaner, but this must be a joint effort as well, since you both live there (effectively).
Frankly, cleaning up after three cats rather than two is a hell of a lot easier than cleaning up after two humans rather than one.
What about asking for help from friends and family to really get in there and do a cleaning overhaul, and then working toward maintaining that? I have found that I’ve always been better at maintaining than overhauling when it comes to cleaning. It’s part of how I’ve become a “reasonably tidy person”.
If you love the kitty, keep the kitty. If you want a cleaner house, clean more often. I’d be more concerned with establishing exactly how much say someone who “essentially” lives me gets. If his “essentially” living with you doesn’t include paying half the bills and doing half the housework, my answer would be “I’ll respectfully consider your opinon and then do whatever the hell I want in my own damned house.”
Well, your mostly-domestic partner should get a say as to whether we get a pet. I mean, I’d be pissed if he brought home a puppy, you know?
ETA - to clarify the situation, he lives in the house with me but technically rents my garage upper room/apartment. Most of his stuff is over there and I don’t care how he keeps it. His day to day stuff lives in my house, though, in that corner in the living room.
You need at least seven to be a real crazy cat lady. I’ve almost always had two cats at a time, they’re company for each other and it means they’ve got someone to play with and chase around. Of course, three cats isn’t that much more bother than two, because you could get used to two after just having one, right?
But since they work so well in pairs, you need to get Stokie’s brother in the house too. And if your man complains, tell him he can sleep on the porch instead 'cos there’s no cats out there any more.
It’s the way your house is kept and the smell that determines if you’re a cat lady for anything under 10. Now two cats and an alligator is weird, because the cats tend to get eaten. Oh yah, if your food and dishes have cat hair in them, you are so a cat lady.
As it is, some months back my wife and I had this exact discussion that Zsofia spoke of, where I said that two is the perfect number and three is bordering on “Crazy Cat Lady” territory.
Then Roxi the Romanian cat was given to us by friends. They imported her from Romania as a kitten, but then they started a family and didn’t want cats around their very young children, so … we now have three.
I assert that three cats is the perfect number now, and I don’t like the fact that you went from two to three to five. Doesn’t sound good at all.
the question of arithmetic: N + ? = cat lady
the question of smell,
the question of hair on the furniture,
the question of stuff knocked on the floor,
the question of Himself’s rental agreement (although we have not yet discussed whether it includes “benefits”, which we may presume would be a pretty significant factor )
But we haven’t yet discussed the one, final, definitive, characteristic of a cat-lady: Do you have a life other than your cats ?
1 cat = okay.
2 cats = always better than 1.
3 cats = usually good. Lots more additional fun with only a little additional work.
4 cats = usually okay, if the house if big enough.
But any number of cats is too many if they become the single most important thing in your life.
Note that I didn’t say the most important thing in your daily routine; I said the most important thing in your life. Some daily routine is for cats…But the rest of life is for …ME.
My kitties wake me up every morning one minute before my alarm goes off at 5:45. This is incredibly cute… 5 days a week. It is incredibly un-cute on weekends.
So on weekdays, they get some scritch-happy lovin’ as the sun rises. On weekends , I shoot 'em*.
Maybe the OP should assign cat duties–she feeds 'em , Himself shoots ‘em.
Then carry on with the lovin’
I kind of feel sorry for the dog, who has no human companionship during the day, and apparently very little at night. Unless you and the dog hang out while Himself hangs alone.
Crazy cat lady status is dependent upon a number of factors. You can quality as a CCL/CCM/CCC (Crazy Cat Lady, Crazy Cat Man, or Crazy Cat Couple, and yes there are CCM’s and CCC’s) if your CII (Cat Intrusiveness Index) is above any of the following:
MILD CASE: The number of cats exceeds the number of bedrooms in the domicile by more than 1 (e.g. 3 or more cats in a one-bedroom or bachelor home; 4 cats in a 2-bedroom, etc.) SERIOUS CASE: The number of cats exceeds the number of bedrooms by 3 or more.
MILD CASE: The total number of cats is 5 or more, irrespective of the size of the home. SERIOUS CASE: 10 or more.
MILD CASE: There are 3 or more cats, and irrespective of anything else, there is the faint smell of cat piss in the home. SERIOUS CASE: There are 3 or more cats, and the smell is so pungent that it can be smelled from outside the front door or, when the door is opened, a visitor is visibly repulsed by the stench. Note that if you have just 1-2 cats and a smell problem is present, you don’t have Crazy Cat Syndrome, you’re just a slob.
We were in the same situation and ended up taking them both home. But we talked it through, because going from two to three kitties is a change, and somehow the amount of shed fur seems to have grown exponentially.
I wouldn’t have three kitties again (lot of work de-furring, scooping etc) but I also wouldn’t get rid of any of the three. When one goes to that great catnip field in the sky, he or she will not be replaced. Two kitties are plenty.
For a short time, until we found homes for (most of) two litters of kittens within two months, we had twelve cats in my house in Chicago. When I moved to NC I only took one of my cats with me (and it was interesting finding homes for the others, and trying to decide which one I was keeping. Now I’m getting a house here, and I decided that I could now get a second cat. I also thought about fostering for a while, and no sooner did I mention this to a friend then two kittens appeared under her trailer, and since she already had two cats and was in no position to care for them, they ended up with me. So now I’m up to three again, but that will be my limit. I am not going to turn my house into a haven for strays.
He’s a happy dog. Himself has two businesses and the dog n’ me chill when he’s not here. We particularly treasure lunch together when I come home for lunch from work. (I have to move the cats past an “airlock” of two doors, though.) See, the dog is old and grumpy and can’t be around a) cats, or b) Himself. He’d probably get used to the cats in time, but why put an old dog through stress he doesn’t need?
Our house rule is no more pets (cats, dogs, or other “free-roaming” critters) than hands to pet them. In our case our limit would be 4, but we only have 2. Permission to go up to 4 is contingent on a) money, b) a larger room to put litter boxes and c) a better area for cat food bowls. If we move out of the apartment and into a house/ground floor unit where we could have a dog, that would be the next pet to add. I think the fourth slot would be reserved for a stray/rescue cat.
So no, not a crazy cat lady, but maintaining peace in the house with your SO might be a little more important, especially since it sounds like he doesn’t like animals all that much. Don’t let this come between you.
Oh, no, he loves the cats! Picked Dewey out himself. You know, I hadn’t thought about it earlier, but he’s really been going through a lot lately - he opened up his second business literally last Saturday. So maybe he’s just leery of more change. He’s been under a ton of pressure.
