My favorite part of the story. From OP’s link.
“Then the cops come 10 min later and he comes out nonchalant in his boxers with an empty wine glass in hand??!”
Hey, if you watch old reruns of Dr. G, Medical Examiner you’ll see that when she sent out samples for testing and to have slides prepared, it routinely took weeks to get the tox screen results back.
Nothing to back this up but the New York Post had this to say:
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“A bunch of people reached out to Clayton’s sister and told her that Willis had been known as ‘The Chemist’ in high school,” Jim McGeeney told The Post.
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“They said he would go to parties and make people feel good with the drugs he enhanced. I don’t know if he concocted something or not that night. The police won’t tell us anything.”
All we know is that he’s in rehab so that suggests a drug habit and not a drug dealer.
“Suburban Walter White”? Come on, now, where the ever loving fuck did Walter White actually live?
As I remember, he lived in a house with a pizza on the roof.
The remote, inhospitable badlands of Albuquerque?
And that is still true. You can do quick tox screens indicating the presence or absence of this or that, but more detailed screenings, like the ones they do in autopsies, do indeed take several weeks or even months to complete. I’m not sure why.
On the one hand, he went on to earn a PhD, work on HIV research, and publish a considerable number of academic papers. So I don’t think that what happened in high school is relevant.
On the other hand, this shit happened at his house this year. That’s sad.
Personally, I liked this completely nonpolitical, utterly neutral line:
His academic resume includes 55 published papers — five times the academic output of ex-Harvard president Claudine Gay
Yes, he looks really good on paper. Not so much when the police show up to ask about the various dead bodies on his property.
Those papers were rejected by the publishers.
The 3 peers in the back yard certainly gave us a review of his latest work.
I think if a bunch of Claudine Gays friends after a party pass out outside her house we know what might have happened though.
I’m trying to come up with a “publish or perish” joke, but I can’t make it work. 
Their critique of his work was stiff and coldly indifferent.
But strangely persistent.
The reviewers were praised for the rigor (mortis) of their work.
And here’s me thinking people might give me a hard time for making a tasteless joke.
Hey, tasteless jokes are mainstream Dope!
I believe someone up-thread pointed out that the labs doing this usually have a considerable backlog of testing to do, including all the calibration/quality control tests to ensure the results are valid.