Three Rants and a Confession

Rant #1:
Saying “Well, you don’t really need something” is not a fucking response to the question “Why do you want to ban/outlaw/make illegal something”. If I say “Some recreational drugs should be legalized”, responding “Well, you don’t need to use them.” isn’t a meanful response. Same with driving an SUV, owning guns, flag burning, pornography, etc. It’s self-evident that I don’t need to have/do these things (and I don’t want to own/do some of them either).

There is no Constitutional Amendment that states that only things that you need are permitted.

If I hear one more simpering cretin whimper the word “need” in this context, I’m gonna blow.

FWIW, I’m not directing the above rant to anyone on this board. If this “argument” has been used here, I haven’t seen it.

Rant #2:
Yes, I want a fucking bag with my purchase! If I don’t want a Goddamned bag, I’ll letcha know, ok?

I am so sick of these snotty, “more eco-aware than thou” cashiers asking me if I want a bag with a purchase that obviously requires a bag. I was at a used book store and they had gotten a ton of old SF paperbacks (late '50’s) and I got about 20 of them. I struggle to get them to the check-out counter, and the dim-bulb goat-humper says “Dude! You wanna bag with that? It’s better for the environment if you don’t”. Like I’m going to stuff all 20 books into my pockes. Asshole. This keeps happening. Note to all cashiers everywhere: Assume I want a fucking bag for every purchase. I’ll worry about the envrionment in my own Goddamned way.
Rant #3:
I don’t want to chat in-depth about my groceries with cashiers. My grocery choices are not intended for discussion. I’m not objecting to a casual comment like “I’ve never had Jeruselem Artichokes. What do they taste like?”. But more and more often, I’ve had grocery cashiers (usually the older ones, but not always) carry on a running commentary about my groceries. “Hey, you’re getting a lot of steaks, are you having a party? 3 bags of cat-litter, you must have a LOT of cats! Lookit this TV dinner! I didn’t know we had this, is it any good?” (‘No, you cretin’ I think ‘I’m getting it because I’m a masochist and it disgusts every fiber of my being’) “Boy, you must like vegetables a LOT. Are you trying to lose weight?” (<-actual comment)

Next bastard who tries to psychoanalyse me via my groceries is gonna get a verbal and written complaint to his/her manager.
Or a punch in the snoot.
Or both.

The Confession, or Why I’m headed for Hell
At the grocery store last night, there was only one checkout line open and it was deserted. After suffering through yet another monologue about my groceries, I noticed the bagger was just standing there while a week’s groceries (plus some extras for a 4th of July BBQ) were piling up. Eventually the bagger-guy asked “Do you want paper or plastic?”. He seemed to be somewhat mentally retarded (not using this term as an insult here). Once I said “plastic”, he began to bag groceries. Very. Slowly. He’d. Pick. Up. One. Item and. Inspect. It. Turning. It. Over. Several. Times. In. His. Hands. . . . Sometimes. He’d. Put. It. In. A. Bag. Sometimes. He’d. Put. It Back. Down. He. Also. Pointed. Out. How. Funny. The. Picture. On. The. Box. Of. Cap’n Crunch with Crunchberries. Looked. It took him 15+ minutes after I’d been checked out and paid. And the whole time, I kept thinking extremely nasty thoughts, that I’m now somewhat ashamed of, along the lines of “Shouldn’t you be in a home somewhere? A fucking turtle could move faster.” I didn’t say or do anything that would have indicated my frustration, and I was careful to keep my expression neutral but at the same time, I now feel kind of guilty for the…ahem…unkind…things I was thinking. I mean, the guy is trying to lead a productive life, the store put him on at a slow time (it was 8:30 at night) and in the grand scheme of things, what’s 15 minutes anyway? The worst part is, should the situation arise again, I’m probably going to feel the same way at the time.

Fenris

[hijack]

Rant #3 reminds me of a joke:

A young man goes to the supermarket. He puts in his basket one small carton of milk, a microwave meal for one, a four-pack of beers and a chocolate bar. He walks up to the checkout.

The cashier scans all of the items in, and turns to the man.

“Ah, you must be single”

“How could you tell?” he asks.

“Because you’re fucking ugly.”

[/hijack]

Ahem. Sorry.

God matt, that was hysterical. ROFLMAO

Can I use that this weekend?

The joke works better IMHO if the man says “How could you tell” sarcastically.

Fenris, I don’t think you should feel guilty over the slow kid bagging groceries. It clearly wasn’t a task that that individual should have been partaking of. The whole point of having a bagger seperate from the cashier is to speed things up. The slow kid simply should not have been doing that job.

Feel free, Missy2U!

I absolutely agree with all of your rants! I work overnights, so I go grocery shopping in the middle of the night on my nights off and the cashier always has some comment to make. I actually had a cashier comment on the brand of condoms I was buying! :mad: I couldn’t believe it. I am a friendly person and I’ll stand there and talk about general subjects (the weather, things to do in the area, movies), but I don’t want my cashier commenting on the personal things I decide to buy!
RE: Rant #1, you are very correct that people need to learn the difference between want and need!
I wouldn’t feel guilty about the bag person. It can be very frusterating standing there waiting. I am very proud of you for not saying anything about it.

Ferris, I have a mentally retarded sibling and niece, and you would not believe the extent to which people feel free to interact with them with cruelty and contempt. Your inclination to not show your frustration–your focused effort not to–was commendable. Should help keep you out of Hell (or at least get you a better seat).

Did you consider discussing this with the store manager? This is a tough line to walk–i.e., making it friendly advice in the context of how pleased you are to see this policy in action, that kind of thing. Don’t assume the guy can’t do better (just don’t pursue it in a manner that gets him fired!)…

Seems to me the easiest thing to do would be to stand next to the guy bagging the groceries, grab a bag yourself, and help out. Meanwhile, you can make pleasant chit-chat with him and feel like a normal, empathetic human being without being needlessly delayed.

After all, if the “normal” bagger is not done with my groceries by the time I’ve been rung up and have paid, that’s exactly what I’d do. So why not treat the retarded bagger the same way?

Re: Rant #3
A was with a friend at a convenience store, where he was picking up a disposable camera and some batteries. We get up to the cash register and the cashier sez: “Paper or plastic?” Before my friend can respond, the young woman behind us in line starts berating my friend for destroying the environment by using bags. My friend turns back to the cashier and says “Double bag it, please”

Sua

I thought about talking to the manager, but I was pissed enough at the time that I didn’t think I could walk that line. Your advice makes sense, but, like I said, I was getting angry far out of proportion for the situation.

Fenris

There are a lot of stupid and/or apathetic clerks and baggers in grocery stores, most of whom don’t have retardation as an excuse.

Several years ago I was in a supermarket checkout lane with my stuff, which included some frozen food and a box of hot fried chicken I’d picked up for dinner. I was paying just enough attention to notice the bagger put the box of chicken on top of the frozen food. When I objected, he said “Oh…you want the chicken separate from the frozen food?” Like, yeah, Einstein, I think maybe. (No, I didn’t say it that way. I came damn close, though.)

My worst grocery store experience was when I had only 3 items and had to choose between the express lane with 10 people lined up, or a regular lane with only one person ahead of me. I, foolishly, chose the regular lane. I stood there and watched that asshole clerk have a conversation with a friend and perform the slowest job of ringing up groceries I have ever witnessed. After I had been waiting a few minutes (I wasn’t in a hurry so I wasn’t mad, YET) he had the gall to suggest that maybe I should use the express lane. I stood there speechless. Finally, I said, “well maybe you should get another job, one that doesn’t require you to outpace snails!”, and walked out of the store without buying anything. In retrospect, I should have talked to the manager and tried to get that idiot fired.

Our grocery store has a great salad bar. I generally pick up a salad for myself when we go grocery shopping and that is my dinner. I use one of those plastic boxes that has one big section and two little ones… put some potato salad in a small one, some pasta salad in another small one, and make my salad in the larger area, with cottage cheese tucked over on the side where it probably won’t get mixed in with stuff by the time I get home.

I also make a small salad for my son, in a small one compartment box, so it isn’t very “mess-up-able”…

Ok so we go through the checkout and the idiot bagging the groceries picks up my salad box, turns it SIDEWAYS ON END and stuffs it into a bag next to a box of cereal. Everything in the salad slops out of its compartment and falls to one side against the lid and stuff starts dripping between the lid and bottom onto the bottom of the bag.

I just stared. We went out to the curb (they don’t let you take the carts into the parking lot here) and my husband went to get the car… when he got back and started loading stuff into the car I took my salad back inside and showed it to the manager. It was a huge mess, all the potato salad and pasta salad and cottage cheese was all mixed together into one big icky blob, all mixed through the lettuce and spinach… it was really quite lame. I explained what the bagger had done. She rolled her eyes and told me to go make a new one. At least she was good about it.

I carried it on my lap in the car. (see, typically they either put the salads in their own bag, or don’t bag them at all–which makes sense–and I carry them on my lap)