This is about as misleading a description of what you wrote that I can imagine.
Maybe, just maybe, the sexual assault angle was part of the problem.
Here’s the moderator instructions:
This is open and shut … “subtle hints at the personal digs” … how is this not failure to follow moderator instructions?
Genius.
How can one sexually assault an inanimate object?
No dig intended, simply using a scarecrow as a metaphor for straw(s). It’s what I do.
Yeah, but you named someone in particular, and that was after Bone’s caution. I got a tap in that thread and my dig was far less targeted than yours. But the implication was there and I got called on it. Let’s take our lumps. 
In truth, I felt it was a fair call. I was more bummed that my insult was considered sub-par. I’ll try harder next time – and make sure I’m in the Pit.
(BTW, I thought yours was very clever. Would have been terrific in a Pit thread!)
You can sexually assault with an inanimate so I’m sure somewhere you can reverse the process. And if force is involved in any fashion you are probably going to jail; for example, forcing someone to sexually assault a scarecrow would be against the law in most jurisdictions.
And warning people they feel stepped over some line is what Mods do. No harm or foul; I call it kismet in this example. 
No offense, but I prefer to hear from Bone on the matter.
How can an inanimate object be female?
You shouldn’t need to. Your offense was patently obvious, especially in view of the previous instructions.
See, that’s the thing. No offense was intended.
Put it in a dress.
Your post was very obviously offensive, and appeared to be deliberately so. If you did not intend it to be offensive, you need to reevaluate your communication skills.
First you get warned. And now you come here to start a parody thread?
I’m not sure what your end game is here.
End game? I’d like to know what was so wrong about saying he’s grasping at straws, for that was all I had intended with that bit of metaphor.
And you posted it here publicly because…you anticipate a possible public vindication?
Please, don’t ask me to think. My head hurts enough as it is.
By grabbing its crotch. Which is what you wrote.
The next time you want to write that somebody is grasping at straws, you should use the words “grasping”, “at”, and “straws”.
No gray area on this one. The moderator is right and you are wrong.